Sorry, I think these pics work:

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Sounds to me like you are doing things right. Now for the problem. Insect damage on the leaves. See that pretty pattern of light trails, you do not want that. They have damaged the plant and have brought fungal or bacterial problems with them. I do not know what kind of insects are a problem in the desert. So I can be of no help on that.

Curt

That curl probably means incomplete pollination. But your vines certainly aren't healthy and that can make for small and damaged fruits.

I see leaf miner and mite damage. Curling cuke may be incomplete pollination, at that resolution from here.

Dan

The leaf miners are not a big problem but very unsightly. The mite problem is however very damaging and that is what it looks like to me. I've linked to a thread that will help if the directions I posted are followed.

Here is a link that might be useful: does this look like spidermites?

My experience is limited, so others may correct me, but your cukes look exactly like min did this year. The little line patterns on the leaves are leaf miners (if I remember correctly), and the damage is superficial. The browning/deterioration of the leaves is identical to my plants. My diagnosis is downy mildew. Notice, the leaves closer to the ground are the first to be infected, and the infection tends to spread upwards. This is because the mildew starts off in the soil, and splashes up onto the leaves when it rains, when the plants get watered, or when dirt gets on the leaves. I live in a typically dry area, and thought fungus would not be a problem, but spores get blown in from long ways away.

I also got a few funny shaped cukes, but they tasted the same, so I didn't worry about it. Also, My plant lived and produced for a month or so after the infection became moderately bad until I finally pulled the whole plant out. The plant was surprisingly productive despite the infection, I had trouble eating all the cukes.

To mitigate the spread of the disease, I cut off the leaves that were really infected and threw them away in the trash. I read (on the internets) that putting cornmeal in the soil promotes bacteria that are natural enemies of fungus, and so i did this. Hopefully, it will be less of a problem next year. Spraying corn meal tea (some corn meal mixed in water and left to sit for a few hours) on the leaves seemed to slow the spread of the disease, but it won in the end. I just used cornmeal from the grocery store, then I used the rest to cook some fish. I am attempting a totally organic approach, hence the corn meal.

Again, I may have totally misdiagnosed the problem, since I am going on 1 season of gardening experience and disease diagnoses from google. Hopefully this will help

Well isn't that just dandy. Not what I was hoping to hear. So it has nothing to do with getting the leaves wet (is it even okay to get the leaves wet)?

How do I get rid of these Leaf Miners and Spider Mites? I heard that you just add a few drops of dish soap to a spray bottle of water and spray the leaves with that? How often do you have to do that?

It's best not to get the leaves of any plants wet. Given that you live in the desert where water is precious and evaporates quickly, a good quality drip system is the best way to water. It puts the water exactly where you need it without getting the whole plant wet.

Greg
Southern Nevada

I use neem for mites (may or may not be spider mites). Nothing you can do for leaf miners. Agreed with Greg not only is water too precious in the desert, but cukes don't like their lvs wet.

Dan

I attached a link that tells how to get rid of spidermites. Some Neem products may not be effective alone.

Leaf miners come from the soil and are living inside the plant, travelling through the water veins. So, to attack them at the source you'll need a soil drench.
I had a case of leaf miners in my Honey suckle. So I drenched the area with bacterial compost tea. It took a couple of goes, but now the plant is extremely healthy.

Well I looked under the leaves, and there's little tiny green bugs under almost all the leaves. They looked almost like Aphids. But can aphids do this type of damage? They're not brown/black like the spider mites looked in that link from taz. And there's no spider webs at all, I looked everywhere. I'm not sure what to do now...

And why would they go for just the cucumber leaves? I have peas, peppers, pumpkins, and carrots and those are all perfectly healthy, nothing has bothered them.

Some aphids can be somewhat host specific. I had the same problem just a few weeks ago and the 70% Neem oil by Green Light will smother them almost instantly. The older leaves still look bad but all the new leaves are fine and a nice dark green.

Cool, I'm ordering some of the Green Light concentrate Neem Oil right now, should have it by saturday. So do I just alternate (once a week spray leaves with neem oil mixture, then the second week spray with a few drops of dish soap in water)? Can't you just mix it all together for once a week spraying?

If you actually have spidermites then alternate the 2 every 5-7 days. If it's just aphids then the Neem alone will work. You could still add a few drops of soap for a surfactant. It may help it to spread more evenly and soap has been used for decades for insect control. If you haven't ordered the neem yet it can be found at lowes or home depot.

IIRC my neem label states no soap addition for sticker-spreader applications. Once a week should avoid leaf damage. Lots of other types of mites besides spider mites, and in my yard they go for beans and cukes only.

Dan

Well I live an hour from Lowes/HD, so I just ordered it with free Prime shipping on Amazon...thanks though.

So after you spray this on every leaf (top and bottom) do you rinse it off with regular water or just leave it on the leaves?

I'll report back in a couple weeks to see if this stuff works!

Just leave it on. Spray in the evening after the bees have left. This will ensure that the beneficial wasps are also gone and give it plenty of time to dry before the sun comes out.

Dan it shouldn't damage the leaves at all if mixed properly and sprayed very early morning or evening and I've used it on some delicate alocasia and colocasia leaves. I didn't know about the soap issue. I've never mixed them though. I'll have to reread my label.

taz, I find some damage on tender veggie lvs if I use it more than twice a week for a couple weeks. I've backed off to once a week and this knocks critters down pretty hard and to manageable levels. Shrubs don't seem to mind one way or another. I have the stronger neem with no water in it (can't remember brand).

Dan

Cool, I'll just use the neem oil spray once per week in the evening, and I won't wash it off with water.

If that doesn't seem to get rid of all the critters, I'll spray with dish soap/water every other time instead.

Dan the other 30% isn't water. The label doesn't say what it is but I suspect orange oil because my neem smells like oranges. I'd much rather have this than the putrid smelling stuff.

I could be wrong, but I have never heard that leaf miner damage starting in the soil. Rather, it is caused by the larval stage of insects. I have used a product called Spanosand with great success. The leaf miners are attracted to fresh, tender young leaves. Their favorite food, at least in my area, are the tender young leaves of citrus. The damage is unsightly but, if the plant or tree is large enough, they will survive.

my cucumbers were growing fine at first but now they all seem to bedying off and when i pull the plants out all the roots have gone can you help me with this problem please. when i grew cucumbers i had none of these problems all i want is a bit of help