Melanie Gore...before you commit to a townhouse/condo, have an atty who specializes in that town's real estate law look at the HOA bylaws for you. Use a realtor who also is well-versed on the special considerations in that sort of real estate. Finally, talk to the HOA members firsthand to find out if their arrangement is working, and will continue to work well. We've been burned by HOA's and wish we had done more research before we purchased an HOA property. The noise factor is the least of the problems we've had. :(

Our experience in an Ontario condo was that, as one of the largest unit owners, we were expected to contribute based on square footage to things like: guest suite (didn't need one, had extra bedrooms), party room furnishings (ditto), improvements to hallways, reception and elevators (our unit had direct private access to the street, so ditto again). Our condo fees topped $800/month when we moved out, an increase of 35% in three years with TWO special assessments and a probable 3rd assessment to bring reserve levels up. These fees did not include taxes or utilities.

While an estoppel certificate is required in Ontario for a condo sale disclosing the financial status of the building, rredpenn is absolutely right in saying it is the members themselves who will most influence the cost of condo fees, and usually you can't get access to these people until after you are a condo owner. Work with an agent who is familiar with the building; they usually know if there is a large turnover due to an unreasonable condo executive board. Know what reasonable condo fees are for the area in which you are purchasing a unit. In Ontario as well condo corporations (your building) have to have a very well established reserve fund, and new condo developments will have severely underfunded condo reserves requiring special "assessments", i.e. hands in condo owners pockets, to bring the reserve level up to provincial requirements. New condo owners end up with a double whack of increased condo fees due to builders' conservative views on what the common elements will cost coupled with the provincial requirement to establish a healthy reserve fund. This means rapidly escalating condo fees. To minimize this risk, buy a unit is a building at least five and preferably ten years old. Any builder deficiencies will also be resolved by that time.

We moved to a small town, small house and the joy of giving all our stuff away to whomever really wanted it. 1200sq ft. It's been decades without children. To house visitors and grandkids is no problem. We bought the adjacent cottage, and a camper. We've got a good regional hospital. I love my kitchen! It's finally just the right size with just the essentials. There's so many beautiful small towns in the US..it was hard to choose.

I too am an empty nester and have been for 10 years. I have 5 wonderful grandchildren that live relatively close. My two story house that I love is up for sale and we are making settlement on a new rancher tomorrow. I have my 93 year old mother now living with me and really need everything on one floor. Hubby also fell down our steps last summer and really pushed for a ranch. I retired in Nov and have had my mother with me since then. Guess I am not really an empty nester! My retirement is not what I had thought it would be.
I think downsizing is a really a difficult thing to do. I enjoyed reading all these posts and have been inspired by the many people that have made this decision and love it!

rredpenn, your advice concerning the by laws/financial info for the condo association is important. Buying a condo requires research.

We sold our mini Katy Texas ranch last March. New owners kept our last horse! No more fields to mow, fences to repair, septic tanks to maintain, miles to drive for groceries, ETC. The ranch was a wonderful place to raise kids and host family events, but after living for about a year in a small town after purchasing and remodeling an original 1960's ranch style home, we are really enjoying ourselves

Thank you for all the great info and help. @armygirl1987 I grew up in Jacksonville and that might be were we are headed back if the job promotion comes through. @Countryloyalist We have thought about renting for 6 months to a year. We haven't lived in Jax. in a long time and we really need to get a feel of the area again. I thought it would help my husband adjust to downsizing too. We would have to do something before a year because of our moving package. It requires us to buy a house (if we choose) for them to pay all closing cost etc. @rredpenn That is great info on the HOA and condo fees. I was looking today and I can tell you that I am NOT paying 600-1000 a month in fees. That is just ridiculous. I really just wanted to downsize and not have a big yard for upkeep. The hubby's hours are a lot and we don't want to spend our spare time working in it every weekend. I would also like to downsize to buy a less expensive house so that we could see about buying (or renting) something in Texas so that we could be close to our son when we wanted to go out and visit him. I appreciate all the info and I'm thinking that a smaller house, on a smaller lot might be the way to go. We shall see.

Elizabeth Clark, we too have moved to a small country town, but in Western Australia. We love the relaxed lifestyle and the locals were all very friendly and welcoming. We bought acreage because I love animals and now breed alpacas. As the grand kids get older, I still have a new crop of "babies" each year. Instead of downsizing the house we are now building a large home so there is room for all the family to come and stay and enjoy our piece of paradise with us. I think the important thing for us "empty nesters" is to work out just what is important to us, and what we want to do in this phase of life to be able to make the right decisions.

@Melanie Gore, I live in a townhouse and cannot my my neighbors. I only hear neighbor on left when her garage door goes up or down. Both of my neighbors have dogs and the only time I hear them is when they're outside.

We have been empty-nesters for 13 years now. I am about to retire and we are planning a move and will probably build a new house. Our kids are married now and we have one grandchild with (hopefully) more to come in the next few years. I would like to build a house with a large open concept living/dining/kitchen with 4 bedrooms, 3-1/2 baths. My husband is not on board with this idea. He says since it's just us most of the time we should downsize. Right now when our two kids and their spouses and the grandbaby come it is crowded in our living spaces, and although there is enough bed space right now, there will be a need for more as the grandchildren grow up. Am I the only one who wants MORE space as I age and my family grows???

Always a full time working mum, our household was always in chaos. We live in a regional city and with one kid in particular a talented sportsman, we spent extra time carting him to our capital city for training and games as well as frequent interstate and overseas travel for his sport... the kids grew up and moved out....sigh....now my house is organised and clean. A tidy, organised home had been my fantasy whilst the kids were growing up. In those precious moments to my self I would day dream of my dream home where you could open a cupboard with out having to slide your hand in first to hold the contents from spilling out. Where you could have a white sofa!
In our empty nest I have emptied cupboards, thrown out the stuff they would not take with them and rationalised space. We have turned one bedroom into a cosy sitting room, it has great views of the garden and the mountains beyond and can be independently heated in the evenings in winter....so snug. Another is becoming a guest room. Still stuff to rationalise, but time is still precious, I still work full time and care for my elderly mum. My husband and I have indulged ourselves in the ultimate luxury of our own bedrooms and bathrooms (no more whiskers in the basin and the loo lid stays down and my husband doesn't have to worry about feminine sensibilities in regard to soaps and other products and his loo lid stays up)...how could we downsize?
I love my kids, their partners and our grandkids to bits, but when they come to visit the chaos returns....I much prefer to visit them! Electronic media has made keeping in touch with the kids so easy. While my son was based in London for a year, Skype made it feel like he lived a block away.
Having had the task of sorting and packing up my parents home when my father died, I made a resolution not to do that to my kids. I have written myself three letters, one to be opened at seventy...in a nutshell it says, 'start getting rid of stuff'. The one to be opened at seventy-five says, 'start looking for a smaller, single level home in town where you can walk to services' and the third to be opened at eighty says 'if you haven't moved yet do it NOW!

With our children grown and on their own, we decided to move to the beach in Florida. While my parents were not pleased, the kids love having a fun place to visit. Our older daughter has been married almost two years and our younger daughter is getting married May 10, Our son is the oldest and not quite ready to settle down. My husband is able to work here online just as easily as he did in Georgia with occasional visits for meetings. The kids are enjoying visiting since its only about a six hour drive. Long weekends are great. I insisted on still having 4 bedrooms in our new downsized home, but the house is much smaller than our old family home. We love it! Our children are even saying they'd move here in a flash if they can find employment. I'm crossing my fingers it happens before grandchildren come. Anyway, empty nesting is a great time to re-evaluate your life and be a little selfish with your needs. After all, we raised our children to be independent people. Life is good!

darbarollins - you are making perfect sense, my friends all think I am nuts keeping my home but they just don't seem to understand my situation. If you are building a new house, keep it all on one level and your living areas spacious, but maybe look at creating a granny flat or two within the house that can be closed up and only need minimum attention when no one is visiting, but give you all the space you need for when the family come. It also allows everyone to have some private space and 'time out' space for young children who can easily become overexcited with other family around.

When my little brother moved out my mom turned his room into a craft room. And my old room became a guest/reading room.

oldroo - that is exactly what we are doing. A house, all on one level with a spacious living area and room for lots of people in the kitchen, and a wing with the spare bedrooms and second bathroom that can be closed off when there is no-one visiting to save heating costs etc.

One of my Joey's MIL's had a separate flat off her house and they found it an absolute bonus particularly when the children were little. It had a small sitting/eating room as well so when the children woke at 5AM (as they do) they could watch DVDs or play quietly in the sitting area without disturbing the rest of the house. They also had a small table for an early morning snack before the family breakfast or an early dinner if they were too tired to stay up for the family meal. Being able to close it off, meant the children could go to bed at a reasonable hour, even have an afternoon nap, without being disturbed by what was happening in the rest of the house.

@melaniegore. I think buying a house that has good sized principal rooms and smaller bedrooms can be the best arrangement in downsizing. When family visits we are all together and want to be with each other in the big rooms; no more lurking in bedrooms like when they were growing up! Grandchildren can still have an area to retreat to, but when they are young they want (and need) an adult around, so punting them off to the sidelines doesn't always work. (Most often, they are up early with the grandparents as our kids enjoy a rate opportunity to sleep late). As for lawn care etc., make an initial investment into xericsaping your grounds and have low maintenance patio areas.

I say, start getting rid of family heirlooms as soon as your kids get in a permanent home. They won't want grandmother's china or or your first Christmas ornaments if you wait until they are middle-aged to give them. Do it NOW, and let your kids add to the family lore by making new memories with your grandchildren. Keep a few items that are important, but visit the rest in your childrens' homes.

My children have busy careers. their kids are busy with activities on weekends and free time to travel to see us is all ready scarce. I know how much I appreciated my mom and dad visiting us when we were raising a family because it is often just darn difficult to get away and lose a weekend to catch up on chores. Our time hosting all of our families maxes out at two, maybe three times a year as we all live a few hundred miles from each other. Instead, we pay more visits to each family individually. We have more time to do so, and time is the scarcest commodity for our kids.

we have a 1300square foot house that we kept until my son moved out of the house and got married. when I retired I said I had enough with the house and the area .so I looked at a house in south Carolina and found a home that is 3400 square foot the first floor is a 1800 square foot main house and the upstairs is a 1400 square foot addition with two heating and cooling systems so if you don't need to use the upstairs you can close the door and lower the heat and the way it is set up you have a second entrance to rent the top floor if you have to. so now I don't have to trip over things with the new space.

I much prefer to visit my children countyloyalist. and even though I still work and time is still a precious, I try and build it into my schedule. I visit my daughter and family weekly when I am in her city. My son who lives in Melbourne (2hrs away) is further away but I visit him too when there for professional development. And of course we all get together for family special occasions. I am very lucky that my work allows me this flexibility. Cindyandmojo, we tried the beach house thing. We built a house with four bedrooms so the whole family could get together and enjoy holidays. Worked a treat, but after my dad died and my mum had a stroke, it got too hard getting there and the kids were spending more time at the house than we were. It was a four hour drive away if you missed peak periods. We were paying a mortgage, rates, insurance, land tax and getting there about three times a year....we sold it! The kids (and the beagles) were gutted but hey, we can have another go in a few years time if we decide to and have learnt a lot about what we want and what we don't want through the exercise! (we also learnt that one of our beagles gets terrible car sickness on long journeys...that I don't miss!)

When my kids moved out they were fairly young. Each at 18. My oldest moved out first and it was difficult. But when my baby moved out I was just devastated. Our Aunt and Uncle like to describe the situation. The first week crying and sobbing. The 2nd week sniffling and small bouts of tears. The 3rd week was a realization that this could be good. And by the fourth week it was party time.
In a very short time I was a grandmother (I go by Mimi) and I was in heaven. All the best of having kids without the responsibility of being the "bad guy". As my kids had gotten older I had methodically replaced some of my furniture with things that reflected my taste more rather than reflecting the age of my kids. But even then my home was and is made for comfort and family. So while I have things that I don't really want my grand kids to play with, for the most part my home is open for them to appreciate. That is an art form in it'self. The youngest ones I tell them that those are Mimi's pretties. That works fairly well. I don't really put things away and I like to try to grow their appreciation for art.
But the key to enjoying your empty nest is to find the activities and hobbies that have been on the back burner and bring them out and get started. Fear is the only thing stopping you. Whatever it is you are interested in, is now just an action away. You don't have to be an expert or even good at things to enjoy them. Just give it a try. Value is in the eye of the beholder. Just do it. I have always loved using color in places that most think is a no no. I have painted a beach scene on the side of one of our out buildings. I'm not an artist but it looks great. I find that thinking things through first helps me to visualize what I want to do and then I just go for it. You can always paint over it. Any who, I am enjoying having time to do such things and would encourage you to try something new and enjoy your new found freedom.
Here is a picture of my painting on the out building. You can't really see the birds flying but yo get the idea that I am not an artist but I did not let that hold me back.

Good for you my1980house!

Pamela....you have a terrific attitude! I loved your aunt and uncle's description of your adjustment period when the " Baby" moved out. Happy trails: )

Thank you rose happy trails to you!

Olldroo, I am the same as you. Staying put and maybe adding on. As I have managed associations (Condos and HOAs) for the past 30 years I will not be moving into a condo in retirement. It is a lifestyle choice that does not agree with me. I have a 3,000 sf home on over an acre. The kids come and stay from time to time for various reasons but they are all grown and gone. The heat bills can be high but I can shut off rooms to save. The taxes are high but so are taxes on a new smaller house in my area. And I can hire people to help with yard and home maintenance instead of condo fees. I love a country lifestyle, the quiet, the gardens. I live in a forest filled with birds, deer and other critters. I have room for large family get-togethers. I may add a stacked washer/dryer to a closet upstairs to save going up and down to the downstairs laundry but lately I have been thinking of a retirement addition/granny flat with wheelchair wide doors, rimless shower, etc. I love being alone (I am single) and I have never been one for city life (shopping and restaurants have never appealed to me). I may want one or two trips out of the country for the fun and experience. I am not afraid of change, I am content with what I have. I tried to downsize once when younger: sold my grand piano (I morn it still) and my large Monarch wood cooking stove...and then the state asked if I would take in 4 kids! That ended those retirement plans and I rebooted....I am 'downsizing" now in getting rid of all the stuff the kids left behind, and stuff I do not need to "simplify" my life, but my plans are to "age in place". And to try new things.

Our only child came home from his first year at college to tell us he wanted to join the Army. Jake left August of 2012 for Boot Camp, to say it was an adjustment is an understatement, when we found out his first duty station would be South Korea it really hit home that we were officially empty nesters. Things improved with a small rip in the ugly floor in our kitchen, we had put up with that floor for 18 years because it was not worn out. When I suggested it was time to replace the floor my husband said well lets replace it and the bathroom and while we are at it how about a new vanity and paint? Short story long we started scouring antique stores for just the right pieces for our mini remodel, my husband is now more into antiquing than I am and we have a great time. The year in South Korea is over, our son is now back in the U.S., he came to visit and that was when we realized we are truly empty nesters, loved seeing our son but wow we have our own flow now and having a third in the house for 3 weeks threw us for a loop!

countyloyalist, I did the same as you in giving many family treasures to my once-settled -in-stable-life adult children...Christmas ornaments, their late grandmothers little treasures and their own baby/childhood mementoes (I kept two items from each baby) divided. No regrets on my part.

Kids are gone so selling the "big" house and moving to our somewhat smaller lake house. If you have ever had a lake house or beach house then you probably understand that it can never be big enough in the summer time sooo we are adding on to that one cuz it is never empty! Oh well, I guess there is always winter.

We just moved into an adult over 55 community, and at times I love it, and at other times I think, "Why did we do this?" The association is doing good things financially, but they can be parental about exterior details. Don't know how long we will live here, but it is interesting to try a new venue for living.

We downsized and moved to Mexico (2,000 miles away) almost 6 years ago. We loved living in Mexico for 5 years, but ultimately moved back to help out with family concerns. (We wish we could live part time in MX, but carting 4 dogs that distance is not fun for them or us. We'd planned on only having 2 by this point, but, rescues kept turning up.)

I'd had a basement full of family stuff that I'd kept til my 2 children were hopefully old enough to decide if they liked or not, as well as things we used (my parents died when my kids were little). I confess, it was daunting to go through it all and make decisions, but I did do it in 2 sessions which helped: one time before we actually moved and I stored what I wasn't sure about, the second time was 6 months later when we decided to try to live permanently in MX. My daughter took what she wanted as well, my son didn't want anything (he may regret that down the road but he was only 21); I kept a very few things ultimately and sold the rest.

Out of expediency on our return, we moved into a small (less than 1100 sq ft) 2 bdrm/2.5 ba. house that we had for rental purposes, as it's within reasonable range of the kids. It does have a full daylight basement however -could never do without some storage and a studio space.

I really thought it would be too small but, as time passes, we find it's just the right size and can't wait to get done now with doing some remodeling inside. I seem to be done with most "stuff" that isn't related to my passions (art), dislike cooking anyway so the tiny kitchen is just fine, etc. One of the biggest challenges is to find furniture that is smaller scale and multifunctional and decent quality (haunting craigslist etc for vintage furniture but we can only go so long "camping out" after all.)

And I love that I can 'visit' the family heirlooms at my daughter's house. I love that she loves to have as much as she does. Whoever said to give it to their kids ASAP is right, I believe in things being used. My aunt lived to age 98 and never gave up any of her beautiful family antiques to her children since she remained in her huge house until her death; so much of it was just sitting in the attic or basement in storage. :( Nobody else ever got the use or enjoyment out of it, which I find sad.

My oldest is finally graduating from college, after 5 years, he still has one course to take this summer at the local community college and may be home while he does it...middle child in school an hour away, doing well, talking about grad school. And the youngest...really struggling with finding his way. Tried this school and that, now in Cali at school, while I'm in md. And he's angling for another change...my hair is going grey!

It's been painfully lonely.

But, although I miss them, this is the right thing! They have to live their own lives, make their own way.

Obviously I knew this time was coming. And I do best when busy busy busy, on the brink of being overwhelmed. Crazy, right?
So I bought myself a house last summer, in need of major renovation, still ongoing...just put my house where I'm living on the market. Huge clean out!
Bucket list check off...closest I'll ever get to building a house, all on one floor, cleaned out 21 years worth of stuff so my kids don't have to...and I'll have a house that's mine
Hopefully I will survive this, but some days...

My home has never stayed empty for long. We have 3 daughters, 6 grandchildren, and 2 great-grandchildren along with wonderful sons-in law. To down-size would be a big mistake. Our grandchildren are now bringing their spouses and children home for visits and we still have holidays with up to three generations. I prepare a simple come and go buffet to accommodate those who travel between families. It is wonderful. For those who live far away, some choose to stay in hotels and others stay here. My husband and I have considered opening the attic into a loft for the younger ones or creating space in our unused basement. When we are alone, we have the extra rooms closed off. No need to heat or cool what we are not using. One of the good things about older homes is they lend themselves to this kind of living. I am downsizing our personal accumulations of over 40 years as the children choose what they would like to have. Much is going to yard sales or resale shops. At some point, my husband and I may move into a smaller home on the property with one of the children's families moving into the main house. We just purchased a couple of acres adjoining ours. It is a nice place for a small 1 bedroom cabin with a big porch looking into the trees. Even at our age we can dream.

We now live in a two bedroom/two full bath home. The smaller bedroom doubles as our office. Since we have a view of Lake Contance in southern Germany, frequent visitors keep us from feeling "empty." (Yes, I'm bragging).

thiamom, you are doing the right thing. And your youngest will find their way. Just not maybe what everyone else thinks is the "way". If there is one thing I have learned it is that people come into their own in different times and different ways. Sometimes very artistic people get around to things very differently. And by artistic I don't necessarily mean art in the conventional sense. Keeping our expectations out of the equation is so hard, but we have to do it. None of us knew that when we had children and they grew up, we were just along for the ride they take us on. Keep doing what your doing and secure yourself a close knit group. Best to you.

Thank you Pamela!

I love reading everyone's stories, thoughts and plans. I posted mine earlier in this thread.

One thing I didn't like when I began to live alone was coming home to an empty house. First I had a security system installed. That took care of worries about safety. Later, I adopted a puppy whose mom had been rescued when pregnant with his litter. I love coming home to him! It does curtail my time out a bit. For trips, or if I would be unable to care for him, my daughter agreed to take him if necessary. She and two of the grands took care of him for a month last year.

I agree about it being a real gift to your kids to clean-out and downsize by a reasonable point in your life. When, though? Your circumstances can change quickly, as I found after an auto accident last year.

I'd like to see a thread about where we picture ourselves living. or pluses and minuses of various arrangements, as we move into our 80's or so. Don't know if it fits our Houzz purpose-audience or not.

thedarlingsbecca: I think it's a great idea to do a discussion about how we picture ourselves living in our 80's! While most of us are not there yet, many are Baby Boomers who would love to have a say to the "industry" about what we'd like. And there are probably a fair amount of people who are children of the Baby Boomers in their 20's - 40's who will be taking care of, or assisting we Baby Boomers. They need to deal with us, and our "stuff" left behind.

Thedarlingsbecca - it has been interesting reading others experiences and it is certainly great to know options and the plusses and minuses to each of them so we can assess what might or might not work for us but how far does one really plan ahead. I often say it would be nice if we all came with Use By dates but would it??

Financially, one definitely does need to plan ahead, generally before one retires, to ensure one can afford the necessities in life, to cover the worst case scenarios as much as possible and to be cared for with dignity whenever that day might come. As to where one lives and how one lives in the meantime, I prefer to take life as it comes focussing on the here and now, savouring each day as it comes which includes my needs as far as family is concerned to ensure I can maximise my opportunities to spend time with them as well as living the life I want to live. To this end I try to maintain a healthy diet, get regular exercise to help strengthen bones and muscles and maintain my agility and balance to prevent falls and have regular health check ups to ensure all systems are go - blood pressure is healthy, cholesterol levels low, vitamin and mineral levels are balanced, etc.

I do understand your heightened concerns following your accident and I am truly sorry to hear of that, but I have to ask what do you think your concerns would have been say 30 years ago had you had your accident then? Would you have accepted your limitations and just got on with it, probably cursing the inconveniences as you went, but adapting your life as necessary while you moved forward. Why does our thinking change as we get older? We seem to reach an age where the 'what ifs', doubts and negativity do creep in and that is something I am fiercely trying to keep at bay. It has actually become a bit of a family joke, my mother was the biggest worrier out - she worried if she had nothing to worry about, so now the minute I start to go down that path my Joeys promptly tell me I sound like my mother and that is more than enough to put me back on the rails again.

The point I am making is that is it really necessary to plan for downsizing, are we limiting ourselves to a certain age we can no longer do things. If we focus on living, enjoying life, caring for our bodies then the changes we need to make (if any) will come to us when they are necessary, we will know when the time is right and we are ready to let go of possessions or downsize for whatever reasons we have.

It brings back when my father died, everyone kept telling my mother to sell the family home and move to an apartment, but she just wasn't ready and was unsure whether that was what she really wanted. Four years later she went to visit some family for a weekend, realised the area where they lived was where she wanted to be, put a deposit on a villa she found she loved, came home put her house on the market and there was no going back. She lived there for nearly 30 years extremely happy till ill health forced her into care.

I just refuse to get older. Solves everything.

Couldn't agree more, roseglow, I just need to get that old lady out of my mirrors.

Um, if you downsize to a 2 bedroom (your room and an office), the boomerang kids won't find your place appealing for a long stay. :-)

My parents are both hitting 70. They kept up about 3 acres of land and annually cleaned a house with HIGH gables and miles of concrete driveway up until a few years ago when it just became too laborious for them. Rather than moving, they made sure they had plenty put away so they can now afford to pay someone younger to keep their place up for them. But my mom said when my dad passes, she will move if it gets too difficult for her to manage the extra help she would need to reside in her home.

Onthecoast - outside help is an excellent way of managing the family home. I don't know the situation on the US, but here we have many excellent services for seniors, many run by volunteers for a token payment. The Government's priority is keeping people in their homes and out of aged care as long as possible. Just some examples are volunteers to take you shopping or to appointments, meals on wheels, mobile libraries, gardeners, cleaners who don't just clean but assist with laundry, bed making, etc., companions, home nursing for changing dressings or ensuring medications are taken, carers to assist with showering and dressing each day, support groups for people who have had strokes for example that meet weekly and have minibuses to provide transport between the members' homes and the venue. For the more active seniors, there are Mens' Sheds - blokey places for guys to meet and learn woodworking skills, self help computer groups, many seniors in their 70s and 80s have never had the opportunity to use a computer, exercise groups, craft groups to meet other like minded people and learn new ideas and skills - the list is endless, just a matter of seeking out interests mostly done through our local councils - what I think would be the equivalent of your County Office or City Hall.

What has made me reconsider just waiting and seeing when I feel ready to make a downsizing move, was caring for my mom as she needed retirement center, assisted living, then nursing home. I found in our area the best places (with all levels of care at one location), require you to start as a regular resident. You can't wait until you need nursing care and then access their nursing home. Waiting leaves the less highly rated retirement facilities available to you, many of which only provide one or two levels of care. I realize this may not be true everywhere. It also may just be my preferences that make this the case. Thanks everyone for sharing your stories, advice and thoughts with me and the other Houzzers.

thedarlingbecca, you are right in that respect, it is very difficult there to know what to do. Our retirement centres sound like they have the same 3 levels as you do and it is definitely advantageous to enter at the independent living level, but here buying into independent living accommodation with the other two levels attached, if you read the fine print, still does not guarantee they will be able to provide a higher level of care just when you need it, and you could still find yourself shunted elsewhere. They have no way of knowing a year or more in advance just what accommodation they will have available at any particular time. If you do consider this, do check that that out, and what options they offer. Sometimes they can allow you to stay in your independent living accommodation and still provide the extra services you may need - depending of course on what those are.

Again, depending on needs, it can also be possible to buy into independent living to get your foot in the door and provide your own assistance until such time as you can get the more intense assisted living. We also have serviced apartments here one can buy into where one lives independently but cleaning and linen service is provided and meals are taken in a common dining room - generally a la carte and very upmarket, while breakfast is a hamper provided in your apartment that will only have very basic kitchen facilities. You can pay for guests to join you for meals.

When it comes to the assisted living and full nursing homes here ALL facilities have to provide the same level of basic care - it is Government regulated and regularly inspected. When I was on this trail for my mother I found the private facilities with greater costs really did not provide options that many elderly people could use. I remember one was the option of a glass of wine with meals - my mother never drank in her whole life and any form of alcohol could not be taken with her medications.

Many of these glossy brochures sound good, but you do need to thoroughly investigate all the options, consider all your worst case scenarios and ensure you are really going to be advantaged by the many promises they make.

I found when my empty nester status was absolute, I cooked a weeks meals at one time and freezed them. That way I oly made a mess once so the dishwasher ran once a week and I felt like I had a microwve dinner every night after work. As I worked shifts it made it easier to grab a meal and go without too much stress as well. I also made my cooking day a little ritual that I found therapudic and enjoyable because I was doing something just for me. I couldn't believe how much time I had left throughout the rest of the week to do other things.

My nest became empty with a boom when I was only 50. Widowed, both kids in college, I sold the family home and moved to a townhouse in Hawaii after getting a job posting there. It was an invaluable lesson. I've learned very thoroughly that I do not want to "share walls" in an interior town home and that the lack of privacy, lack of parking, tiny kitchen, and vast distance from east coast U.S. has had a real chilling effect on my life. Hawaii- it's a great place to VISIT. And I've had a ton of mainland friends come for two weeks at a time, which has been lovely. But it's not a great place to live unless water sports are a way of life for you. Happy to be heading back east to a single family home with plenty of room to entertain, etc. And if I'm not using the extra bedrooms - I'll just close them up until needed...

Many may think me crazy, but I added on to my house (main floor only) after my kids left. Put a bathroom, laundry room, sunroom, office and mud room on the main. Sunroom can become a large bedroom, office a walk in closet if and when needed. I love my area, am lucky that one daughter w grand kids lives nearby (other lives a short flight away). Now, I can age in place on the main if need be. Two empty bedrooms for guests (although one doubles as a playroom for grands for now. Old house, so my clothes are in all three closets as I begin to pare them down. With family and friends close by, life is good!

Not bear the idea of living away from my kids, I would spend my old age surrounded by my children and grandchildren, regardless of what you can do to fill that empty nest, our children also needed, old age is not so simple and not all arrive as healthy. The love and care of a child to his parents is very important. I live with my parents for a long time and I know how much they need me. My husband, my children and I enjoyed his company. That is the feeling I transmit to my children every day because it is very sad to give our whole life for them and at the end when parents need more just give them back to maintain our privacy. I am Cuban, in that culture by economic problems families are kept together for generations, we learned to live that way and I would not be happy doing different.

When our only daughter left for college, my husband and I found that we needed more space, instead of less. As a mostly stay-at-home mom, I prepared for the days when my house would no longer be filled with kids.

When my daughter was in school, I earned a Ph.D, scheduling my classes and work around my daughter's school and activities. Now, I am teaching part-time at a local college and writing articles in my field.

I think it is important to prepare for the inevitable day that your children leave. At 48, I am still a long way from retiring and am glad I found a worthwhile endeavor.

In addition to my study, we also need space for my husband's activities. He started composing music for a TV station and needs a music studio where he can work without disturbing me. We also receive more overnight guest now and use our daughter's room as a guest room.

Downsizing and retiring? Not for us! Life is full of new adventures!

Make a guest bedroom and use the other rooms as (in example): a study, a studio for architectural drawings, or maybe even storage room for the stuff in your room that takes up WAY mote then they are supposed!!!!!