Lots of people on here end up having pizza for dinner the day they process birds, so you aren't alone. :) Give it a few days, and when you make your first meal with your home-grown chickens I'd suggest doing a casserole or something like that with chunks of chicken rather than identifiable parts. Might make it easier...

Just think how much healthier and tastier your birds will be, and take pride in being self-sufficient, it's a rare thing today! :)

Velvet ~:>

Hi Sheila,

That's great advice that Velvet gave you. What you are feeling is perfectly natural and simply a part of the coming to terms with where meat really comes from. I mean, our head knows that meat is from animals, but modern life has so insulated us from the gritty truth that we can go months or years without really thinking about it. This weekend, you were brough face to face with it and you are feeling upset and beating yourself up for having these feelings.

Hey, I've got news for you, girl. We all feel like that around butchering day. My worst time is while we set up for the actual slaughtering. It doesn't matter how I feel about the animal... I was as unsettled culling our horrid gander as I was when we processed the last batch of rabbits. I'm usually okay once the killing is done... but I still wouldn't want to eat the meat that day. As Velvet says, it's a good time for pizza.

You will get past this. Each time will be a bit easier and a bit easier and that in itself will help you. Remember how Suzie felt the first time they processed chickens? She was so disappointed in herself for having very similar feelings to those you are experiencing.

So just be patient with yourself and kind to yourself and recognize that your tender feelings are part of what makes you a terrific person.

(((Hugs)))
Maggie

People tell me a I Suffer from a surplus of honesty, so if you don't want a dose by all means skip the next paragraph of my post.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that you should "recognize that your tender feelings are part of what makes you a terrific person." I think you'd be just as terrific even without the tender feelings, and you will be just as terrific after they have diminished. Having tender feelings isn't a bad thing or a good thing, what you do with them is important in my opinion. If you use your tender feelings to make sure that your meat birds always have a clean dry warm place to sleep and good clean water then they are great, if your tender feelings lead you to feed your family slightly less healthy food on a regular basis then they are ot so great.

Feeling sad about processing your birds is only natural, if you didn't feel that way from it you would worry that you weren't human (my problem) but every once in a while when something tugs at your heart strings it lets you know that you are still part of the experience that we all share, now go order yourself a really big unhealthy pizza!

I have processed many animals for consumption, My first one was an accident actually, I butchered the wrong duck. I had two drakes, and one was a bully and one was my pet, they had gotten into a fight and so I got rid of one, to the table, and it wasn't until after I had roasted him, and served him for thanksgiving dinner, I looked out my window a couple of weeks later and the feathers were coming back on the remaining duck, I had butchered my pet! and not the bully as intended!
After that, I have come to terms with life and death on the farm, and have since butchered more ducks, rabbits, and goats.
The funny thing is my kids raised a whether, watched him grow as big as a large deer, and then wanted to watch the processing. We made a day out of it, and the kids watched, helped carry the meat, and when supper time came, were all excited and asked "Are we gonna get to eat Pete tonight?"
Pete was their favorite meat all spring and summer that year.
I had to grind the meat up on the goat so I wouldn't think of it as "Pete" but the kids didn't seem to mind at all.

My grandparents raised me on a farm until I was around 10 and went to live with my parents. I've only recently in my late 30s gone back to having chickens and ducks and am still not sure whether I will process excess roosters. I can't help but have such a soft heart about it.

Did anyone see the movie Cold Mountain? Remember the scene where the Jude Law character is taken in and cared for by the elderly mountain woman? She slaughtered a kid or a lamb (can't remember which) and fed him the offal because he was near starving. As she bled the baby out and it died, she caressed it and whispered to it, "You did real good little one". Well I was in the theater just bawling because that was exactly what my grandma would say when she killed an animal for the table when I was a boy.

My grandma died a few years back and I really miss her. I wish I could keep her simple, solid outlook on life and be as strong as she was her whole life.

Mark

Mark, you were very fortunate to have been raised by such a tough and tender woman. I think that her "simple, solid outlook on life" will always be a part of you because you honour her memory.

~ Maggie

Thanks for the responses, for me the feelings I have are a glaring reminder of how disconnected I am with my food source. I hope it will get easier and I hope that by giving the meat time in the freezer I will be able to enjoy the up coming meals in the future. I have something like 15 roo's out back that are marked for the freezer.

Velvet, you are right with the pizza idea, I think I will have quite a few before I'm ready for the home grown meat, I will let you know when I get the courage.

Maggie, thanks for your kind words, you have some pretty good experience behind you and I admire you for it. I do remember Suzie's experience, I'm not sure how long she waited before she tried one of her birds but I do remember her really enjoying the fine quality of the meat.

Brendon, my dh didn't have any trouble with the processing, I don't think that makes him a bad person. I don't think he enjoyed it by any means but he is pretty matter a fact about this sort of thing so if that's similar to you more power to you. I think Maggie is referring to my overall feelings for my animals, she knows how attached I am to many of them and how devastated I have been in the past when I've lost some beloved ones, she is looking a little deeper, including my conflicted feelings of processed meat.

Mark and Shelly, thanks for sharing your experience with us.

-Sheila

Sheila! How are you???!??

Big hugs to you because I know EXACTLY what you are feeling! We havn't been raising any more meat chickens this year, but mainly because we've been so busy with the move, finding a home, and now we're in the process of a total remodel. Just kinda grabbing the nearest chocolate, cheeseburger, whatever's easy, ya know?

I PROMISE you will be so happy to eat the meat! It's almost sacred. I know that sounds ridiculous to some people, but that's okay with me, too. It's a learning experience, and it's a wonderful one.

I still have no ambitions to EVER do the deed myself, but I certainly admire those who can.

I'm still trying to make my coop look half as nice as your's does! It's really funny around here right now...all the workers are having to step over and around ducks, geese, and chickens, 'cause you know how those critters like to supervise from time to time. And VERY nosey! The guys are really sweet to them, tho. I think they really like them.

Anyway, you hang in there...you'll be just fine. I think you are terrific, too. And I can't believe you and Maggie remember my ordeal. We've all gotta meet someday!

Hey, be sure to make that first meal very special. You know, use the good dishes, etc...;)

Suzie

Suzie, so glad you posted on this one. I knew you would have the right things to say. (And of course we remember what you went through - and how beautifully you came to terms! I really admire you for it.) Wouldn't it be a blast to get the three of us together someday? Do you guys use instant messaging? Not quite as good, but still fun -- and cheaper than travelling.

This really hit home with me. Last weekend my husband processed two of our chickens and I dread opening the freezer. IÂm not ready to eat them. Mary was an 11 month old "broiler" whom we allowed to live 8 months beyond her time. She was clumsy but so sweet and had a kind of grace. But she was getting slower, couldnÂt keep up. It was her time. Sluggo was the under-roo who made up for his lack of authority by mating all the time. The poor hens had no feathers on their backs. I wish I had not named them.
Last fall we processed our first batch of "broilers." It was several weeks before we ate one. The smell of it cooking helped. I wasnÂt very hungry but ate some. ItÂs easier now. Yes, it is kind of sacred. We do not waste any.
John Seymour, in Self-Sufficiency on Five Acres (1970) says some pretty profound things about raising and killing animals. I will try to find it and pass it on.
I so appreciate this discussion and all of you!

Suzie! so good to hear from you :) glad you are doing well with all your new projects, please continue to keep us posted as you are missed around here! Your experience last year made a huge impression on me, so of course I remember :)

Around here (in the burbs of Boston) people look at you with a sour face when your answer their question of "do you ever eat your birds?". I can't be critical of them because that used to be me! lol!

Maggie, I'd love to surprise you someday and pop in your antique shop! wouldn't that be fun????? Suzie, you have to come up North! as to instant message, I have a new computer so I'm sure I have something like that (i-chat)? I haven't checked it out yet.

Claraserena, I think you are right about naming the birds you plan to process, that can't help matters at all. My son who is a self-proclaimed vegetarian named one of the roo's "Stewpot" because he picked on his favorite sweet pullet. On a quick side note, my son the veggie is really a carbotarian, he doesn't like meat or veggies but loves bread, pizza and sweets!

-Sheila

Sheila,
I classsify myself as an ovo-lacto carbotarian, since I love the same as your son, as well as eggs and cheese.

BTW-I remember you asking about a processer in another post-I found this on the Beginner Farmers of New Hampshire site about a mobile processing unit somewhere in our area, in case you are still interested. I don't know how up to date this is but it might be worth a phone call when it is time to butcher your broilers:

Reminder, the Mobile Processing Unit is available for your turkeys and chickens. Melanie and Peter Blake of New Hampton have the MPU stored at their farm and they are located off of I-93 exit 23. They have the calendar for the MPU so please call them to book a date at 744-0038.

cheers,
Terry

I'm glad this thread got bumped so I saw it. I finally got moved and am now on a nice 10 acre place. I still have to wait til spring for my flock but my MIL has one and I have been observing a little. I'm afraid I would share your qualms entirely; and here we are planning on both a beef critter and a pig to raise and process, starting them in the spring I guess. I'm not new to the concept as my grandparents raised everything that went on their table and we also were present at slaughtering as children, etc. It was just a different mind-set then. My grandparents were kind to those animals and gave thanks but there were definitely no bones about it when it came time to slaughter. Now that I have pets of my own and am older and much removed from the entire process of where meat comes from, I think it will be harder. I have to keep in mind when I get the animals/birds intended for the freezer that they are NOT pets. For me, I know that I will have to NOT name them. I think it will get easier as some have said but I think it is completely human to feel that sense of unease, esp for the first time butchering. It's hard not to see the cute antics of any of these baby critters and not assign an emotional value to them at times. That's just my personal opinion. I love to eat meat and they sure have made it easy not to think about where it comes from! Has anyone seen the article about meat in the new "Mother Earth News?" Lori

I'm so glad I stumbled upon this forum, but especially on this link! We bought a place on 10 acres last spring and I hope to have at least some chickens by this time next year.
I never had any exposure to butchering animals until I was in high school, when I was unlucky enough to witness a coworker of my dad's attempting to put down a steer to be butchered. It was horrible because he didn't use the proper tools. I always promised myself that, should the day ever come that I would even contemplate this, I'd be completely prepared, with the correct tools, etc., and do the best by the animal that I could.
After moving to Montana with my husband, I took up hunting and surprised myself by how relatively easy it was for me to field dress the deer I had just shot. I guess my feelings then were as they are now, I did my best to make sure that the deer never knew I was there and was harvested as humanely as possible. Then, it was up to me to make sure that I didn't ruin or waste any of the meat that he had given me. My friends back home, who know how much of an animal lover I am, were astounded! It remains my goal to never take a shot that I'm not 100% sure of, and one that will drop the animal where it stands. I hope that, when it comes time to harvest the chickens or pigs that we plan on raising, that I can handle it as well. I'll feel better at least knowing that they won't be crammed in tiny cages/pens and then hauled terrified who-knows-how-far in the back of a semi to a processor. Too many people don't think about that before sitting down to their steak or barbeque chicken!

If you've ever seen factory farming and slaughterhouses, you know that a farm-raised animal is extraordinarily lucky, even when it is eaten. Pigs, cows, chickens, and sheep on my farm get to act in harmony with their natural dispositions. My pigs root in dirt, chase each other until they're tired, wallow in the mud, and generally live a great pig life in huge pens under a forest canopy. The cows, ditto. The chickens free range and get only unmedicated, organic feed. They live ten times longer before they're slaughtered than their factory-farmed counterparts. They breed, they cavort, they're healthy, and they're treated humanely. When they're slaughtered, it's quick and, as far as I can tell, relatively painless. I cut the carotid arteries of the chickens while they're upside down in a kill cone. One quick slit and they're unconscious in a few seconds; no choking because I don't sever the trachea. They close their eyes and...lights out. The hogs get one brain shot from a pistol at point blank range while they're feeding off the ground. Death is instantaneous.

I love the taste of farm-raised meat. That's why I started raising my own meat. But, increasingly, it is just as important to me that I not be an accomplice in the mechanized torture that we call modern factory farming. No thinking person can look at these factory farms and not feel that we have sunk to some barbarous level. No wonder the vast majority of people are completely disconnected from the food they eat. If they could fully appreciate all the misery underlying those Chicken McNuggets, they'd not only boycott McDonald's, they'd bulldoze them.