Consider that he might have some degree of clinical depression. For your remarks, focus on whatever he has recently done well and say positive things about that.
I know one case in which the wife complained- justifiably- about the cramped size of their dwelling after the birth of their second child. Other affordable (for them) housing in the area virtually did not exist. House in the area, more than twice as large as the cramped quarters, and with much better heating system, was about to be foreclosed and the hubby bought the equity at a bargain and assumed payments. House was just 7 years old, but wife did not like the design. She made a point of telling every visitor how much she disliked the place. It was a long time until that man made any efforts for anything else.
Get and read the book "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?". It may change the way you interact with him and might make a difference. But the chapter on getting involved with others than your spouse should be ignored.

I don't think you will be remodeling the kitchen after this, do you? It would seem to me hubby is very tired of the whole remodeling thing and would need a long rest if it ever got done(by him). At this point, he's Odesseus trying to get home. You might think of having a contractor come in for that last 10%. It might be money well spent. Cheaper then a divorce or therapy.
Ron

The two previous posts had excellect suggestions.

I'm not one of the 'guys', but I've been in your position, except our remodel took years. We would get burned out on the housework and for a break we'd work in the yard for the summer.

My question would be how much are you capable of doing? I took on nearly every job except electrical and finish carpentry so what I'm really asking is whether these small jobs are things you could do?
Other option.........bring in a handyman and have it finished.

bus driver brings up a really good point. I've seen too many wives/companions that don't compliment their better-half enough for all the work they've done. I have a relative that no matter what her DH does she finds a flaw in it. Whole room can be freshly painted and she'll find a drip to complain about.
Not saying you're doing this, but do keep it in mind that we all like to be patted on the back now and then.

In the remodels we've done, it's always the 'last little details' that seem to take so much time and effort. Maybe you could line up friends/family for a day and make a party out of it. Have food brought in, prepare a list of the jobs that need to be finished and let each person choose the job they're best at. To help DH even more, have all the tools, parts and materials that are needed to finish the job at the site and ready for use. Everything may not be finished that day, but it'll be a start!

No clinical depression, sadly I know the signs because of family illness'. You both have made great points which have caused me to think this issue further. I guess I have been crying poor me without thinking of him.

Two neighbors who we socalize with both started additions larger than ours at the same time we did. One is a small contractor who got all his materials wholesale and was able to work on it with his crew between jobs so it was done within a year. The other neighbor who makes the most money of our group, hired the whole job out, bragging about how the only tool he knows how to use is his pen, when he signs the checks. So it must be discouraging for Brian to look across the street and see all that they have accomplished in a short period of time, with nowhere near the effort he has had to put into this.

We are at a point where I want to do a great deal of the finish work myself - painting and trim work. Having done the wood floors in the other rooms, I know that if he and I work together we can knock it out fast enough. I just learned how to use the saw and nailer so I think if we are working side by side, this may entice him to get moving. I also think I am going to force my boys to get involved again- one is 21, the other 18, living here rent free ( older one has the girlfriend living with us too - another story though). There are plenty of things they can do - like stain the 150 deck ballusters, a job we both were dreading.

And... bus driver, you are right. I have been doing a lot of b****ing without giving him any kudos for what he has done. As I think about it, even when people outside our "group" ask about the addition I have negative things to say about it's lack of completion. No wonder he has no drive to finish it.

This is just want I needed - a guy's perspective on the situation. You have really opened my eyes. It will be interesting to see how this weekend goes.

PS - re the kitchen... This project started as an addition to enlarge the kitchen. By the time the architect and my hubby got through with it, rooms were completely moved around so that the "new" kitchen would remain in the existing footprint of our home - but enlarged and updated. I only have a budget of $50K earmarked (plus of course the expected overages) and with moving gas, plumbing and electric lines there is no way we can do it without doing most of the labor ourselves. I have been shopping for appliances, cabinets and all the rest for over five years so I know I can only shave so much from materials. I know kitchens can be difficult, but I know we both have learned a great deal from the project we are involved with now. Hopefully I can get he and I back on track again.

As far as therapy Ron - with 4 teens in the house - it is too late. As far as divorce - with 4 teens in the house, it is simply not financially viable!

Many thanks guys and I will keep you informed!

Oops, I didn't notice your post as I was writing mine.

My job from the getgo has been to research all materials, get them delivered and ready with all his tools at hand so that is done already.

Re, the remaining work - much of it is finish work which I would prefer to do ourselves. We have no family to speak of and our friends have very busy schedules that I hate to bother them, plus my husband does have this "thing" about asking anyone for help - must be a mutated driving directions gene. I can handle all the painting, that has always been my "job" for 21+ years (and I like it). But the moulding, tiling the fireplace surround, etc., while I know I could do them, it would be so much easier if we have two hands and I can learn from his existing expertise while we are working on it. Then I will have the confidence I believe, to tackle more of the work while he is at work during the week.

And a lady's opinion is always of value - your words of advise were well taken.

What amazes me is that my post was rather gentle. On other forums, especially electrical, I am regularly accused of being sarcastic and rude. And sometimes I am. Folks can trifle with paint/flooring/roofing without deadly consequences. Not so with electricity.

Five years and he has hardly done anything in the past year. What exactly are you going to praise him about. You should be complaining. I wouldn't even think of doing the kitchen. After he has dragged this out for five years, he threatens not to do anything if you bring it up. I think it is obvious he isn't interested if the project gets completed or not. I would be more concerned about how he reacts to you.

I know the feeling and could have written that post except for the five years...Geez - I'm stressing at a year and four months! We bought a major fixer-upper from my in-laws, did all the big stuff (roof, concrete driveway, walk and patio, new kitchen, landscaping, front door, tile work, gutted and redid the main bath, drywall, siding, etc.) and figured we'd finish up the rest in the next couple years, taking our time. This was to be our "forever" house. Then the in-laws offered us a gonga deal on the family home which my hubby and I love - over 1000 sq. ft bigger, pool, spa in a gazebo. We moved on in a year and four months ago so that the old house (next door) would be empty, thus easier to work on. The plan was to finish it up, sell it, and then do the deal on the big house. After all this time it's still not done;(
My hubby's car was totaled a few weeks ago in a hit and run. Since he needs a truck to haul stuff and we need to finish up the other house, I convinced him last week to take out a loan big enough to do both. A neighbor who's the handiest person you've ever met - and who's done work for us before - consented to finish up the house on the weekends with our help. Today we go buy the truck, pick up the rest of the materials needed and then commence on the rest of the work at 7am tommorrow morning - Yay!

I want to underline the party/group effort/scheduled workday ideas.

I think it's time to move forward w/o DH. If he sees you moving forward, it might inspire him to join you. But I think it's time to lead instead of follow.

Many hands make light work. Especially rent-free able-bodied dependents--I think I'd set them down now and say, "I need you. I need two Saturdays, the same two Saturdays in the next two months. All of you on the same day, here and ready to work hard." Even if it means they give up a fun distraction, or helping a friend of their own. Only actual paid employment gets them off the hook. If they squawk, point out that they live rent-free and that you NEED them.

Then call any friends you have and ask if they'd be willing to help--some of us busy folks think working on someone else's place, esp. w/ company and a free pizza, is sort of fun.

Plan ahead, w/ tools, food, supplies, music, etc., all in position the day before, and everything ready to go at 8am.

Another idea to get help beyond hubby: Do you have a friend who wishes she could learn how to tile, paint, refinish a floor? Let her learn/practice w/ you.

Even if all she does it bring you stuff, help you move stuff, etc., it will make your own work move SO much faster.

Also, maybe you need to lead in terms of saying to DH, "I really want to practice tiling; I got all inspired from someone's thread about tiling their backsplash, and would you help me this next weekend? We can start early, and you can coach me?" Then he's not the one who has to start the whole thing off, he thinks he's helping you "have fun" and "learn a new skill" instead of finishing the "task he's been putting off."

And it can be togetherness time. Get your favorite music, and promise him his favorite food afterward. Pick a start and end time, if at all possible.

I tend to be a procrastinator on projects, esp. half-finished ones. I found that if I put them "on the schedule," the way I would a social engagement, or a work assignment, that I was more likely to actually do them. And I find that I really need my DH's active participation--even if all he goes is stand at the bottom of the ladder and pick up the screw I dropped, or hand me the curtain rod, or whatever.

I guess I'm curious about the other things in DH's life. If the bulk of his time is spent watching TV or going out with his buddies, that's one thing. But if the project is taking a long time because he's spending his time being a father and a husband and an employee, that's quite another. I'm curious how this ended up being all "his". Do you have any responsibility for the project? There must be things you can do....for example, you might help to organize a list of the the outstanding tasks. Perhaps when you see the whole list you'll also see challenges that you can help with, whether it's decision making, purchasing materials - whatever.

Nothing gets my husband movin' like seeing me use his tools. If he starts draggin' his feet, I just pick up the tools and get crackin'. LOL It makes him nervous. He's so protective of his precious skill saw...LOL....or whatever that thingy is called. ;o)

No really though. I really feel for ya. We've been remodeling for less than a year now and it's driving me crazy. Of course we have 2 1/2 rooms of furniture in our living room. Not fun....The problem at our place is that my hubby likes to do jobs for others as well....which sounds nice and is nice....for THEM. My parents are remodeling now too and guess where he's been working. His sister and brother in law are putting up a Morton building and guess where he's been working (of course that's a paid job...thank goodness). But I can't complain too much because it's nice he likes to help people and he does get paid for some of these side jobs.....besides working 40 hours or more a work at his business.

Try not to be to hard on him if he's in the same boat. And remember you're not alone. You can always vent here. Ain't it great?!;o)

Maybe it would be better to lay off the constant nagging and have pros finish off the addition. Not everybody is cut out to be a diyer.

And despite your assumptions, you're never hitched too long to cut the knot. Life's too short to live it in marital hell till death do you part.

To clarify a few points... Brian owned a metal fabrication factory for 25 yrs until offshore competetion put him out of business 10 yrs ago. Prior to that he was a carpenter so he is quite knowledgable. Re: family, all are either over 75 or distant. Brian really has no "close friends" - I find that to be a common trait of guys born in the fifties for some reason. He is an active member of the Knights of Columbus and our church, extremely respected and liked by many people, and all our socializing revolves around that. Once he asked for help to clarify the wiring plan from a fellow Knight who was an electrician. That's really it.I know that he would never, ever, ever ask anyone to just do general work. My best friend of 27 yrs, sadly and unexpectedly died 2 yrs ago. My other two friends just do not have any desire to do this stuff, so I can't entice them with learning a new skill, and they both have such busy lives that we are rarely able to get together. So we have to nix the pizza party plan.

Early1, I do all the research, pricing, ordering etc. for the materials but I have not been working along side him for quite some time. He has been working alone for the last two years and based upon everyone's input I am sure he is angry. I realize that has been my mistake.

And to Worthy. He brings home the check each week, doesn't do drugs or smoke, rarely drinks, is loyal to our family and myself, is an active member of our church and as a family we lot of volunteer work. It would take a lot more than my dissatisfaction with his slow timing on our addition for me to destroy our family and our marriage.

He took Friday off to work on the addition so I took that as a "good" time to have a discussion. Brought up many of the points you all made, how it wasn't fair that all this was on his shoulders, that it wasn't fair that he goes to work each day to support the kids who are not doing anything to help, and yet working and pocketing good paychecks, how I realized I dropped the ball and how discouraging it must be. I don't know whether he thought I was drinking or possessed! I wanted to bask in the glory so I made him think that I was just so brilliant.

Slowly but surely, we began to work together, yes together, like we had done in the beginning. I read the kids the riot act, and over the weekend, each kid helped too. I made the always dreaded Lowes's run instead of him. We probably got more accomplished this weekend then he has in the last four months. Friday nite I suggested going out to dinner and Saturday I ordered pizza. I guess we had our own little party.

All right, I will admit to him the truth as to where all this new insight came from, just not yet, I am still "basking". I just wish that anyone who is having spousal issues re their remodeling could read this thread and possibly benefit from it. I know I learned a great deal from seeing things through others eyes. I tell my kids all the time to look at things through a "fresh pair of eyes" - I really needed to listen to my own advise.

Thanks to all.

LOL...so glad to read your post lynn. It made me smile to read that you and the hubby talked and are once again on the same page. It's really a good feeling isn't it?:o) It's sort of ironic because just this morning my husband and I talked of backing off our remodel a bit so we could rest and regroup a bit. I felt such a relief after we made that decision. Don't get me wrong, we're not stopping altoghether (in fact we worked on it some today....probably more effeciently than we have in some time)...but we need to slow down for a bit.
Glad things are back on track for you guys. It still might take a while to get done, but at least you're back on the same page.;o)
Let us see pics. when you're done!

Find a good handy man and have him look over what is left to do. Pay him and get it done. I would think the hubby would be all for it at this point.

Good Luck
Scott

It would take a lot more than my dissatisfaction with his slow timing on our addition for me to destroy our family and our marriage.

I was referring to him. Leaching children and a nagging wife are soul destroying for a man who has sacrificed all his outside life for a family.

Anyway, I'm glad you were woman enough to admit your mistakes and show some appreciation for his hard work. Just sign me a guy born in the '40s! (And don't tell him where you got the idea from.)

Worthy - hubby and I both strongly agree that in our desire to give our kids the best that we could give, we - the both of us - neglected to expect them to have any responsibilities. We realize we have done them (and us) a great injustice for they expect everything to be handed to them. We have been lucky in that, with a some bumps along the way, they basically are okay kids. I believe that it is never too late and so we are all learning to make changes that can benefit all of us.

You have a misunderstanding of the man who is my husband. We met as adults in our thirties - we were not kids. Our first serious discussions involved marriage and children and both our expectations. He has not "sacrificed" everything for his family - he never was a let's watch football and go out for a beer kinda guy. He has been happiest when we are traveling as a family, when he and I are at the roulette table, volunteering or simply watching Jeopardy - his only real addiction. While I know of no marriage where both parties are happy 24/7, but I do know he is exactly where he wants to be.

Have I been a nagging wife about this addition? I think I admitted it from the very beginning. I was asking for advise and input which many of your were so kind to give and from which I benefited greatly.

Homefires... good to know that there are others our there in my boat and can understand the frustrations. If the woman across the street who has the husband is the builder asked me one more time how the addition was going I thought I was going to spit nickels. Ironically, she is the most nagging wife I have ever met and her husband the biggest wimp. So while she had her addition many moons ago, I cannot imagine being married to a guy with no spine.

What really brought a smile to my face is the furniture in the living room story. In the beginning when we were going gung ho, I purchased a couch and chair for the new room. I know a designer who sells me her left over designer fabrics (like Scalamandre) for about $7 a yard (worth $150/yd or more) and furniture from some of her designer showrooms. I just kept on buying more and more stuff for the new room. And can you guess where it all is??? Once our formal dining room was filled to the brim, it began to overtake our existing living room. You practically need a map to get from one side of the room to the other. I just keep on dreaming and thinking about how nice it will look when it is all together, decorated and not piled on top of each other.

He gave me a list tonight of things to do during the week, which he has done in the past. What was different was that instead of items solely for me to do, there were items that he indicated he would do. A meeting of the minds???

I am still curious as to how others are dealing with this for it is obvious that all is not all spousal joy out in "remodeling land."

Lynn -- It sounds like you're making good progress now. Sometimes just a good long talk and bragging up what a hubby has accomplished can turn into motivation. I'm doing the same thing, with the help of our handy neighbor. Basically, my hubby was a little overwhelmed. We are down to a lot of piddly time consuming jobs and a couple of things that he was scratching his head over, trying to figure out the best way of approaching them. (There's nothing like a '60 house that's been abused and neglected.)We both took Friday off, bought him a pickup and made our Home Depot and Lowes runs. With the experience that our neighbor has, suddenly things don't look so daunting. His sense of humor helps too, lol. The three of us got a bit accomplished this weekend, and had fun doing it. The neighbor isn't available for the next two weekends so we went over things with him, coming up with what my hubby and I can do ourselves until he's got the time to help again. We actually have a gameplan - wow.
I'm also trying to heed the advice my Dad gave me soon after we married 26 years ago... "Bite your tongue whenever possible... Ever notice that your poor mother's is a couple of inches shorter than mine?" It's not always easy when you're frustrated, but has saved us a few squabbles over things.

if your hubby is anything like me, he probably had just lost the fire for the job. now you have helped him get it back, but it will take both of you to keep the fire there!

when we moved in we were both gung ho to get the remodeling done. other than painting a few rooms, the only major thing done 3 years later is new tile int eh den and foyer and we hired those out! we would start a project, then my wife would have to stop to go take care of the baby, or she made me stop to keep from waking the baby up, or her relatives would come by and literally take the tools from my hands and make me stop. i just honestly lost all motivation to get started since everytime i would JUST get goign good someone would stop me. my wife would say i was rude if i told them to kiss my butt, but that is honestly what i have started doing. she will stop me sometimes and tell me i have to watch our daughter because she watches her all the time and it is my turn. in reality we both spend loads of time with her, she just choses to take her shopping and elsewhere instead of getting some private time. it never fails that she wants her private time right AFTER i start a project she has known about for days or weeks in advance. so i eventually just gave up.

you need to stay active on the remodel and he will too. if you stop doing things, he will lose the motivation again.

BTW, starting in a couple weeks i WILL begin the process of removing '70's wallpaper and getting the dining room ready to paint. i figure if i rip it down she will help me get it back straight before the holidays when family comes!

Sigh....before the holidays....that's what we were shooting for. As I said previously, we've just decided to let go of that notion. It was very hard to let it go, but I've felt such relief since doing so. Christmas will just be a little different this year, that's all. I was so hoping to be able to decorate the "new" basement this year. Oh well, we will next year.....good luck with your "before the holidays" projects. I hope ya get it done. Who knows, maybe we will too now that the pressure is off....sometimes that's all it takes. ;o)

I'm actually loving this thread. It tones down my frustration with our remodel to read about other people going through the same thing. Very therapeutic.

Homefires, last year I finally accepted that we would not be in our new living room with a great deal of disappointment. With all the new furniture in our existing room (as in my previous post) there was no room for the tree. For the past 20 years it has been a tradition to get the largest possible one we could find. Accepting the inevitable I decided to turn it around. If I couldn't have my big live tree than I was going to get the tallest table top tree I could fit. Four feet was tops. Since I couldn't have my real one, I decided to get a white fake one - no fake one trying to pretend it was real here - and the retro trees are starting to make a comeback so I figured I could always use it in the dining room this year when the project was finished (oh, Lynn don't go there!). It actually became fun, because when we took out down the box with the 10,000+ (or so it seems) ornaments, we were each "forced" to pick our favorites. I was surprized to see how much memories dictated the choices. Took the sting out of the disappointment, so maybe you could make your own special memory, because I know in years to come, we will be talking about the year we had the white tree.

David, I was most impressed by your post, you sound like a good Dad and Husband. If your wife is anything like most of the woman I know, if you tear down that paper, leaving the walls looking like crap, she will suddenly find time for you to work. No power tools so you can't wake the baby up.

New babies really throw off the routine in a marriage for all the obvious reasons.The freedom of being able to do what you want, when you want is gone. It sounds like you are both still trying to establish workable patterns, but quickly you will learn to adjust.

I would give anything to have my 3 teens infants again. Many of us parents "wish" their childhoods away... i.e. I can't wait till they talk, or walk, without fully appreciating what they are doing at the present. One of my teens (I still call him that based upon his maturity level LOL)turned 21 last week. I was shopping that day and saw a mom pushing a carriage with her little boy. I cried for an hour. Where ever did the time go? I know this is off topic here but, I am so envious for you really have the greatest gift of all. Just think about all the memories you will be creating with her in your new rooms.

I made the always dreaded Lowes's run instead of him.

This is a huge way that someone unskilled can help.

Also, though perhaps he can't ask for help, maybe hiring someone semi-skilled now and then, on one of those "designated work days," can be useful?

Keep leaning on the kids, of all ages. They should be helping w/ this.

also, David--it's time to start thinking of how to organize your remodeling work so that the kid can help. I don't know how old she is, but she can do stuff. She'll slow you down, but it will be great quality time, and she'll learn a tremendous work ethic as well. (plus, how to paint!)

LOL...lynn, we (my daughter and I) have already been changing our traditional decorating arrangements for this Christmas. We are going to do just like you said and make the best of it. We already discussed a much smaller tabletop tree.:o) I guess great minds think alike.

And even though my kids are still somewhat young (ages 7,9,11, and 13)I still have to fight back tears at times when I see young mothers with their infants and toddlers in Wal Mart or the grocery store. At the time it seemed so difficult. Now I miss it. And yes, we do tend to wish it away don't we? I'm already trying to learn to enjoy every single minute with the kids....

90-percenters are common in DIY.

The job just becomes overwhelming and you lose sight of the detail work required to get the job done. Your husband may be so close to the job that he sees a dried in addition and thinks "yup, the addition is done."

But the lack of finished details is the first thing someone new to the site will see. A neighbor could walk in and see a single nail hole not filled with putty and their impression will be "wow, they missed a couple of thing here."

Best bet is to start small and have a "to do" list for each job.

The list is sort of psychological.

While the list could be a simple as "finish the addition", that would be a negative as you'll never get anything crossed off the list until the entire project is complete.

To start with, pick a job and make the list for it really basic. Meaning, instead of "trim the door" have:

1) buy wood
2) measure and cut head casing
3) measure and cut side casing
4) install casing
5) putty nail holes
6) prime
7) sand
8) first top coat of paint
9) lightly sand
10) second topcoat of paint

It may sound silly, but all those little steps allow things to be crossed off the list.

Progress is progress, and getting things off the list is what it's all about.

It's more of a game to get the brain moving in the right direction.

Best of luck with this!

Mongo

she is 3. she helps me with any dirty work. came home a few weeks ago from the beauty salon, removed her clothes and came straight out to my shop to help change the oil in the lawn mower! if i have my tools out, she has to have hers or some of mine.

the biggest problem is when trying to do any remodel work, she really cannot be in there for most of it. she probably will help with removing the WP, though i worry that it would make her think she could pull OTHER WP down!

Tell DH you are going to cook Christmas dinner in a "New Kitchen". If he wants it to be this one, he better have it finished on time.

lazypup, We can't even start on the new kitchen until after the addition is done, which will be close to being done by Christmas. It really doesn't matter to him about the dinner. We are far from being fancy in our eating habits - just an old fashioned New England dinner, which we have prepared okay in our existing kitchen for the last seven years. The kitchen is important to him only in that it really is embarrassing to have a kitchen that is so crappy.

mongoct... He left me a list just like you said! Call the plumber re baseboard and gas fireplace hookup...vaccuum sawdust from saw... finely sand the trim over wood filler holes... and so on. I agree with you that it is a great idea. It also helps me to feel good everytime I scratch something off the list. It also holds more weight when I give the kids a job because I can point to the list and say "see - Dad wants you to do this". They do listen to Dad more than me.

David, I would sincerely suggest that you NOT have your daughter in the room when you tear down the wallpaper. That IS giving her permission for her to do it anytime and anywhere in her eyes... "but Daddy did it". You can certainly have her in the room when you are putting the new up and have her hand you the tools - that would be fun. Enjoy her, it sounds like she is so precious.

I am planning to go to HD to pick up the 100+ balusters for the deck. There is no reason why the kids can't stain those outside while the weather is still good. I am fairly certain that the BI will not give us the permit for the inside of the house if they are not on.

So, the next weekend is almost here. I am anxious to see if Brian will take Friday off again. I would love to write more but I have this list of things I want to do before he gets home tonight!!!!

I need to vent a bit, so apologies for the length.

I am a handyman who lives with my sister and her three daughters (her home). And I am 99% finished our basement which I started last November. (some sub-d out, most done by me)

I lost the edge several times during this project. A couple reasons: 1) It's extremely difficult to focus just on the job when all the "home stuff", kids, "what's for dinner", etc. competing for attention. You can't turn that off. 2) I really don't want the neighbors and friends constantly taking a peek to see the progress. Why? Because some work looks deceptively fast, while other is too slow. And inevitably folks start to question things with growing tone of bewilderment. You're solving problems that others don't understand or care about (they just want it done), and it almost sounds like you're making excuses when you explain where you're at. I heard her explain that I am a perfectionist, but I'm far from that - I just don't want to have a bigger headache later.

Our "little" basement job included:

1) Fixing water issues via foundation repair + regrading, which then came to include a new walkway + patio with small retaining wall.

2) New central air for the house, including ductwork. At first she didn't want it, but I thought it crazy to continue heaving window AC's twice a year, so right before we started I told her this is her last chance for AC - and that got done (more delays).

3) a below-grade stair + new entry through a poured concrete foundation + sump to catch and discharge water at the base of the stair.

4) install of egress window for basement bedroom, to be located adjacent to the utilities room...which led to lengthy wrangling with the county on the building plan, and that bedroom's location.

5) moving and servicing the boiler while a baseboard loop was added for the basement.

6) during bathroom group rough-in I discovered water under the slab - so I had to figure out what the heck was up with that! Turns out the foundation drained in there, so I had to deal with it.

And best of all, our house is full of "stuff" (boxed things, bins, bins, and more bins), and the one thing I asked was that the stuff be out, or sorted, or whatever you do with so much stuff. That damn stuff kept coming back to haunt me and I asked for help with it. And that's when everybody's too busy to get to it. I don't ask for much, but that was one thing. So we rented a "POD", filled it, sent it away, and still had stuff to be moved around. So I dealt with it as i grumbled about it. And then, during the finishing process, the "need" to get the stuff back from storage asap ....You know what that means. sure sounded like "this has gone on long enough!"...and the POD came back, and the crap filled the basement, and that's why I'm 99% done. Mentally drained. I did get some "hey, that's great", but still, seems they want it quicker than I can do it. To outsiders it looks so easy. But you can't get away from knowing it's not done when it's where you live.

I don't think in this entire year I ever heard a "is there anything I can do?" But maybe that's good, since that's a hard question for many to ask without displaying their own urgency to move it along more quickly.

Ok, I'm done babbling. Sorry.

homebound I think you did an excellent job. I like how you took care of those other issues. You ended up doing many more projects than just the basement.

Lynn:
I just came across this post when browsing through some old ones. Your post when you had the heart-to-heart brought tears to my eyes. I would have offered the same advice many others did: praise the heck out of him, and work alongside him.

We're 15 months into a 2-year DIY remodeling/updating of every single room of our 3800 square foot house, plus adding on 500 sq feet. MY DH is probably putting in about double the hours that I do (my paid job is a lot more consuming than his), but we're very much partners in this adventure, with him doing the stuff behind the walls (plumbing, electrical, structural), and me doing the stuff you can see (tiling, finish carpentry, flooring, painting) plus all the design and shopping and the research on how to do things neither of us has attempted before. I make sure when I get home every day I ask him what he accomplished, let him show me and talk about what a pain it was to hook up the plumbing in the crawlspace or how hot it was in the attic, and ensure I compliment him on how great it looks. And if it turns out he decided to take a break and putz around in the yard on his tractor moving dirt instead of putting in a drain pipe, I tell him he deserved a break and don't nag him about it (I know the feeling of being too tired to put on work clothes and get sawdust all over me for a couple hours).

Every Sunday we sit down and make a list of what we'll both do the next week, and it's my opportunity to put some structure and logic into the sequence of his work, since otherwise he can tend to bounce around rather than sticking to the critical path jobs. It has all worked very well for us, as far as our marriage goes. As I was leaving Monday morning for a business trip, he said, "my goal is to have all the floor joists sistered by the time you get home so you'll be impressed." It is rather tiresome having extra furniture piled up in rooms they don't belong and having unpacked boxes waiting for a home (we didn't even consider a Christmas tree), but it's a great feeling to see room after room come together and look beautiful from your own handiwork.

I'd be very interested to know how this has all turned out for you. Please post an update!