It sounds like part of what you dislike is that strong contrast in colors. First, Sherwin-Williams has an online app that allows you to upload your own photos and then "paint" them with different colors. Depending on the wall color you choose, the cabinet color will stand out much less. Try colors with yellow or even peach, tan or beige, but also try dusty blue. The blue will make the cabinets pop but you might like it. Consider changing the backsplash. This is typically a less expensive project (although if it is granite, you need a pro.) You could also look at temporary wall coverings if removing the backsplash without impacting the counter isn't possible. Changing the upper cabinets and soffit (the white part over them) is going to be a very significant project, so don't touch it. You should be able to remove the crown molding though. Just be aware that you may need to touch up the finish on the soffit or the cabinets. Matching a stain on a cabinet is almost impossible so you might consider replacing the crown with something you like better but that fills the same space unless you decide to paint the cabinets. Good luck!