"I am toying with the idea of gel stain ..."

One of the Kitchen FAQs discusses how to gel stain...

FAQ: How do I Gel Stain my cabinets?

• http://ths.gardenweb.com/discussions/2767042/how-do-i-gel-stain-my-cabinets

I'm not sure gel stain will achieve the look of the photo

For $10 you can get a small amount of grey gel stain and try it. Wiping it on in thin layers - don't try to apply thick coats and wipe off the excess - will give you the best control over the tone.

https://www.woodcraft.com/products/general-finishes-gray-gel-stain-1-2-pint?gclid=CKapg-GQo9QCFQKoaQodBOwLPg

I agree with Me. What you are trying to do looks complicated. If your cabinets are in really good shape, and you expect to keep them for a long while, I would look into getting a professional estimate and have them do it if affordable.

I like the direction you are going in. Let us know what you decide.

Don't take this advice until you've thoroughly researched it and done some experimenting, but...

You can get a weathered gray finish on wood by using a solution created by soaking steel wool in vinegar. A search on this site turned up a number of conversations, but I didn't find the one I was looking for--I remember someone doing extensive experimentation using the technique and posting the results. I'm sure the thread is still here somewhere, but my quick search didn't turn it up. My understanding is that the iron reacts with the vinegar, which in turn reacts with the tannins in the wood to get the effect. You can get the wood to go almost black, so you don't want to try this willy-nilly. You would also certainly need to strip off any clear finish over the wood stain before tackling it.

I was going to mention what cawaps did. I've never seen the technique done on cabinetry, but have seen it all over Pinterest with other wood items. My sister did it on a raw wood crate and it worked out great. If you have a spare door/drawer front it is certainly worth experimenting on.

I think you are going to have to experiment. If I was going to do this...

Go to the resale store and buy some oak cabs or just doors that have stain and a varnish on them to experiment on them.

Prep: Clean; lightly sand finish; remove dust

Experiment One: Mix grey paint and poly 50/50 and paint on cabs; let sit for just a bit, wipe off excess with lint-free cloth, let dry. I have done this on bare wood, and it gives a finish that is colored but also lets the wood show through. I am not sure about the effect on doing this to stained and varnished wood. Repeating the process will darken the color effect; I would do this before letting the piece dry. You would need more clear matte poly coats for finish protection if it produces an acceptable look.

Experiment Two: try painting the doors grey, let sit a bit, and lightly wipe off paint and dry. Repeat process if needed; then poly protective coats in a matte finish.

I have no idea if either of these will replicate what you want, but it is how I would proceed. Using just grey stain will not work unless you completely remove the previous finish by stripping and sanding. I am not sure that gel stain with get you there either, but it is worth experimenting with on those resale doors. I have better luck using a cloth to wipe gel stain on, basically, rubbing the finish in. Using multiple lighter coats and drying until tackfree is best. I would not use your own doors until you have a process down.

General Finishes has a gray gel stain now. However, when using several coats, it will most likely look very opaque.

Feisty used monocoat to achieve a gray weathered look, but started with raw wood.

http://ths.gardenweb.com/discussions/2582061/how-to-get-this-to-die-for-gray-stained-effect

You may have to bleach the color out of the wood to get the tone you want. Finish has to be removed by sanding and/or stripping. With effort it'll be completely doable.

I would experiment with glazing them with a brownish grey paint mixed with water based glaze (you can get a smallish container of glaze at Lowes for less than 15.00), you practically dry brush it on so that small container will do the whole kitchen. Mix it about 1 part paint to 3 or 4 parts glaze, try it on the inside of a cab door, if you don't like it, clean it off with soap and water before it dries, it's water-based so no messy clean up. If you get a look you like, let the cabs dry well for 48-72 hours and then put on 3 or 4 light coats of Polycrylic or other matte or satin sheen water based poly.

This will probably be the cheapest route but expect to spend a week or so on them.

P.S. For prep before glazing, clean all the cabs very well with a cleaner/degreaser and do a light sand, just to rough up the surface.

Sophie Wheeler is right -- to an extent. Paint is your best bet, given the ugly color mix. If you don't want to paint, and you're willing to go the full distance to get what you want, you must go to raw wood.

Any speck of finish on them and you stain? Splotches. Splotches of golden oak under mucky stain.

I have accomplished this finish, although I went more gray/brown that your picture.

I used a very thick coat Citristrip to take the finish off, with a full 6 hours on the wood, then a 2nd coat of it to suck the stain out of the wood. i.e. raw wood.

I wanted to make certain the grain wasn't filled with dark stain. I used Varathene's 'Sunbleached' gray to put my base down, then Minwax' 'Provincal' on top. Done.

But it takes time. And a lot of work.

General Finishes Milk Paint. Supposedly no sanding required but certainly not like your weathered oak..

Then, of course, here they make it sound so easy.

http://www.thekitchn.com/how-liming-can-save-and-update-your-honey-oak-cabinets-kitchen-inspiration-204682

and

http://www.addicted2decorating.com/cerused-oak-dining-table-table-makeover-finished.html

It's always a good thing to start with inspiration images as you have done. The finish you desire would be fine on a single piece of furniture, but I'm not sure it would be desirable to have all your cabinetry covered in this variable gray.

Can you show us an image of a kitchen whose cabinets look the way you want yours to look?

eam44, she did in her first post, which is eerily similar to the image nosoccermom just posted!

Keep in mind that anything wax really needs to be sealed, no matter what these blogs claim. Wax come off with Windex (anything ammonia) and even vinegar, for those who think that's the way to go. It's NOT good in bathrooms or kitchens. Or outside, for that matter. There's a whole "revolution" of heresy among bloggers who regret selling their stuff with such non-durable finishes. Looks great, but lasting? Particularly for families with children? HAHAHAHHAHHAHA

I find the efforts addicted2decorating when through totally unnecessary. Notice she took it down to no finish. I simply used gray stain, whereas she worked her @ss off. Citristrip doesn't require sanding, nor does wiping stain off. Go figure. (I like her blog, though.)

CAWAPS ... "You can get a weathered gray finish on wood by using a solution created by soaking steel wool in vinegar."

But only on raw wood, and it's really hard to control, especially on "oak" which might not be all woos and probably has veneer.

This is slightly off topic (or maybe not), but I used or tried to use Citristrip gel on an old table and utterly failed. Whatever finish was on there just didn't come off despite drenching with citristrip. In the end, I used brute force sanding, and as lazy_gardens says ended up with two different kind of woods plus veneer.

You may want your marble to have a non-uniform finish, or your vintage handmade backsplash tile, for that matter, but your cabinets? It takes a great deal of thought and effort to make that look good.

CEF, how goes it? I hope all is well :-) Any updates?