The Polite House
The Polite House: Can I Put a Remodel Project on Our Wedding Registry?
Find out how to ask guests for less traditional wedding gifts
On the one hand, they would be excited to give you something you want and need. On the other hand, it’s hard to make these gifts feel as though they carry the same sentiment that more traditional wedding gifts do. Asking guests to contribute to a honeymoon fund, in contrast, is a long-established U.S. wedding tradition. A garden registry, though not traditional, creates a beautiful space with pretty living flowers and plants that a couple can enjoy daily and see as commemorative of their big day far into the future. Somehow contributing to a toilet or a sliding glass door doesn’t quite stir up a sentiment that really connects to the big event.
I suggest that you set up a traditional registry for a handful of items. Some guests really like to give traditional gifts yet still need help knowing your tastes, and this is a great way to do just that. Then use word-of-mouth to ask for cash — rather than particular items — to help with your remodel. Parents, very close relatives and the bridal party can let people know that, though you have a registry, what would be really terrific would be to have financial help with the remodel. Guests can then contribute, and the money can be used toward whatever part of the remodel you wish.
I suggest that you set up a traditional registry for a handful of items. Some guests really like to give traditional gifts yet still need help knowing your tastes, and this is a great way to do just that. Then use word-of-mouth to ask for cash — rather than particular items — to help with your remodel. Parents, very close relatives and the bridal party can let people know that, though you have a registry, what would be really terrific would be to have financial help with the remodel. Guests can then contribute, and the money can be used toward whatever part of the remodel you wish.
Just as with traditional gifts, keep track of what guests gave so that when you write your thank-you notes, you can be specific about each gift. It’s OK to state the amount in the note: “Dear Sarah and Kareem, Thank you so much for coming to and celebrating our marriage! We are so grateful for your $100 gift toward our remodel. We were able to put the money to good use, and we are thrilled! It has been so wonderful to look around our home as the project continues and see a little bit of our friends and family in every aspect of it. We can’t wait to see you again soon! Many thanks, Krista and Ryan”
What’s your question? To submit a question on etiquette around the house for Lizzie Post, send an email with the subject line “The Polite House” to edit@houzz.com.
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What’s your question? To submit a question on etiquette around the house for Lizzie Post, send an email with the subject line “The Polite House” to edit@houzz.com.
See more from The Polite House
Is it OK to put parts of our remodel wish list on a wedding registry since we already have the usual gifts of linens, towels and wineglasses?
Wedding traditions have greatly changed since the day of Emily Post, my great-great-grandmother. One of the major changes is that many couples who marry already have well-established households. They already have tableware, linens and knickknacks like picture frames and vases and platters that would be on the traditional wedding registry. This trend has greatly expanded what Americans view as good wedding gifts and acceptable registry requests. This also means we’re in new territory when it comes to communicating what would make a good wedding gift for you as a couple.
If you’ve already accumulated the basic housewares, you might look to other areas of your life for wedding registry suggestions. A remodel may be a tempting area to consider, and there are certainly lots of items to choose from. However, setting up a registry with things like “a new toilet” or “20 two-by-fours” may not make guests feel comfortable.