Texasmaia- I'm your kitchen design doppelgänger! I spent a lot of money with professionals figuring out what I didn't like. (This is pre-Houzz) For me it was (and still is ick,ick, ick ! ) I used to look at my kitchen and think where would I ever start, how could I ever make all these decisions. I do agree that you need professionals-good contractor who early on can ascertain what is possible (this is a remodel and there are always surprises in the structure) so that you don't get wedded to a concept you can't do or decide you don't want to invest the money needed to makes the changes. No matter how outstanding the contractor/ designer your mantra is "I'm gonna live here" So, you have to really feel that you are in control. You have to have to have excellent communication, and not be intimidated by anyone's expertise. I recommend asking a lot of questions, just like you would with your doctor if you were facing a serious disease (God forbid!) The contracts with the professionals should be very detailed and clear. What it includes, when it is paid, written change orders with estimates. It might be wise to look at other examples of this before moving forward.
The more you educate yourself about the process, the better you are. You need to do your due diligence. I spoke to another( friend )kitchen/bath designer midway through my project and he couldn't get over how knowledgable I had become about the process because he usually does a lot of work on this with clients. There are many ways to do this. As fas as the order of the process-some of this is proscribed. If your walls are open to studs that is when it's time to work on lighting. But other things can be accomplished in a different order. For example your floor/cabinets. Don't let anyone tell you you have to create a design in a certain order! It's an engagement, not a marriage! I did start with my cabinets, but that was because I had ruled out all but two options. I did know what ambience I wanted to create: classic, light, cheerful, maximization of views. For me, starting with cabinets was a good choice because after visiting 2 other showrooms, I found a designer with whom I've formed a team. We have great communication, more than a little fun, and she is an artist who can embrace my preferences and nudge me diplomatically in a better direction. This has involved thousands of questions. But in the relationship you will find what you like. Like you, I'd start with what I didn't like and I'd ultimately narrow it down, and then ask the designer-this or this? Sometimes it was "what direction should I be going?" Also, know your vulnerabilities. Often, I notice on Houzz, people will get enamored with excitement-exciting, cabinets, flooring, granite and backsplash!! You want a symphony not a bunch of soloists! My vulnerability is that I'm too conservative and had to be pushed ( but not much) for an exciting granite that some will love and others will not.
Finally- there will be hiccoughs, and there will be mistakes. So get over it (I tell myself) because that's life. If it's going well, you'll enjoy it and will feel a sense of clarity as you work towards your vision.
Oh-and the ideabooks have helped so much !! Put in anything you like or don't like and then review that when you are making a decision. Almost always a theme will emerge.
Sorry for the long post; I just wanted you to benefit from my last year of experience.