Did it for my Mom, a dear neighbor and for my Dad and Stepmom. None were easy because I'm so sentimental, and got my grandmother's stuff too. Now I need to sift and organize my own house, but my Dad's death has been so recent I'm not ready yet, and it is harder to do my own for some reason.

Gave most of the furniture and clothes away or to charity. It is the little stuff that accumulates and I find hard to get rid of. Glad I did it though. and it was an opportunity to conserve some family pieces of art and some other things that normally wouldn't have gotten done.

Best find was a tiny hand-painted round wooden box with sewing needles in it and a note from my grandmother saying it was her great, great grandma's--found it in with the tools in the utility room. I've never seen it before.

Both my parents died in 2012, and I got their house and all their belongings. After letting and watching them both go, it was and still is the hardest thing to do to get rid of their stuff.

Yes, I have done this four times. Named as executrix, my duties also included the financial aspects of the estate, as well. It is not easy. Had I known this would be one of life’s challenges, I would have gone for my PhD in family counseling.

Some need to be reminded that inheritance is a gift.

Retirement villages and nursing homes are sometimes known as Gods Waiting Rooms. : ( Having been involved in this industry, I've seen the best and worst of peoples responses to this task. Families show their true colors when either doing it with love and consideration or just plain ransacking their lost ones belongings looking for anything of value and leaving the unwanted items in heaps on the floor, including personal items, jewelry and family photographs. I make sure anything I find that's still clean, functional and wearable goes to charities.

My mom passed away suddenly almost seven months ago. The greatest gift she gave me was putting her affairs in order a few years ago. Her funeral arrangements were done and paid for, her house was put in a living trust, and she had a will, advanced care directive, and power of attorney done, all naming me as executrix and successor trustee. We had talked many times over the years about what was to go to whom, and other matters relating to the family, so I was somewhat prepared, in estate matters at least.

Having these things already arranged, and the paperwork to back me up, made a very difficult task fairly easy. I think the most difficult part was and still is dealing with the doctors involved and the medical bills. I've had to be diligent on looking over the bills, because they're not always correct, and I've run into a few places that claim the bill is 90-120 days over due, and that's the first bill I've received from them.

Dealing with my family has been difficult, to say the least. It took my sister and her daughter nearly three months to finally come and pick what they wanted from the house. My mom left everything to me, but I didn't want to be selfish and keep it all for myself, even though my sister and brother cleaned the place out of my dad's possessions when he passed. All I got was a thermal shirt and a pair of cufflinks. That still rankles. Even though they came and chose things, I still got messages and calls from them asking for other things, after they'd gone home. It's like it was never enough. It felt like they were crows, fighting over a shiny, with no appreciation of the 37 years of family history in that house, in every item in it.

The house is up for sale, and I dread the day I have to sign the papers and give the new owners the keys. As it is, with both my parents gone, and all their brothers and sisters also gone, I feel like...I don't know how to describe it. Lost? As long as I hold on to the house, I feel like I still have a bit of my family, a bit of my mom still. But once that's gone, I don't know how I'll feel.

I'd like to think she chose well in making me her executrix, and that I would have made her proud in how I handled everything. She raised me to stand up for myself, don't take nonsense from people, and be kind. Also, don't put your elbows on the dinner table, turn the lights off when you leave the room, say please and thank you, and if it isn't yours, DON'T TOUCH IT. See, mom, I listened.

Deciding what and how to sort through and clean up is a BIG and heartbreaking task, especially when others are involved. You mentioned you feel lost and as long as you still have the house you still have a bit of your family. You still have your memories, which will always be very precious. When I go back to my hometown, I drive past the home our parents built, I see a different house as it has new windows and doors, a new color, it has been re-landscaped. My eyes tell me it's not home, but my memories and heart tells me it is.

I had to do this huge task for my daughter who died unexpectedly. She had moved to the area where I grew up, purchased my childhood home (built by my father), and filled it with her unique "treasures" and flea-market finds. She loved that house and it became so much "her." At the time of her death, she was in the midst of a couple of DIY projects, further making the house her own. For years, she had asked that I dispose of some of the unwanted things from my home so that it would not be left for her upon my death. As I sorted, packed, and removed items from her home, I laughed, I cried, and I grieved. Then I thanked God for my daughter and her amazing life. She touched so many people with her love and gift of caring. I learned that life goes on, even as our hearts break. The house was sold, and now someone else is loving it -- the house is theirs, the memories are mine.

Beautiful grandmamag !

I wrote this after dealing with several estates - as the author I'm biased, but it's worth reading.

http://voices.yahoo.com/how-settle-estate-closing-house-220895.html

And this one, for dealing with the distribution of personal effects with minimal trauma:
http://voices.yahoo.com/dividing-property-piece-pie-without-863201.html

Haven't, but I wish you good luck. Beautiful residence.

Assuming the role of executor of an estate is not for the faint of heart and should be agreed upon with serious consideration. Often times people agree in an emotionally charged moment and then find the process extremely overwhelming, especially if you are working with a large family. Sometimes a third party is best to keep things objective. It is our responsibility to leave explicit instruction and to anticipate where conflict may arise. Having our instructions clearly stated along with the necessary conversations will make the process easier for all. Do this while you are healthy and anticipate the possibility that debt may be incurred upon your estate following your death. Also consider leaving a stipend or treasured gift for the executor as this work will be exhausting. Having experienced this daunting task personally and professionally, ask the hard questions of the person bequeathing the request while they are able to answer them. That is what they are asking you to do in their absence. Generally, estate and garage sales are not easy endeavors and often do not make much money. If the estate needs write offs consider donating all to appropriate entities. Photograph everything and document it all in writing, save it to a thumb drive. You can find the estimated values for items online, assign a fair value to each item, take all as a tax write off. Another strategy might be to photograph all items that are being bequeathed, documenting the piece with the story or history behind it. This will help those receiving the item(s) know and understand (sentimental/monetary) value of the gift. Save all to a thumb drive with your will. This experience can go two ways, at best it will be a time for the people you love to come together to grieve, share stories, and celebrate their love for you.

I have done two clearances in the last year - one for a relative who had to go into a care home and one for a relative who died and did not have children of her own.

There is no easy way but I would say allow much longer to do it than you could ever anticipate, try and pace yourself because when you get exhausted it just seems insurmountable and always break it up into smaller tasks that you know you can finish in each segment of time. Keeping everything as neat as you can as you progress avoids the heart sink moment when you arrive for another day of clearing.

We decided to put all the photos together for sorting through later as a family - if you get distracted by photos the day disappears, particularly when emotions get out of control!
Speaking to charity shops in advance to ensure that they wanted the different types of items and understanding how they wanted them packed saved a lot of grief later - some wanted books, others did not take books - it was easy to sort things into the right destination once we knew what people wanted or did not want

Now with the clearance done we have time to enjoy the little bits and pieces that have migrated to various family homes - nothing very valuable but much loved things that will always be "Olva's" chair or the "wooden box from Joy's house" preserving a little bit of family memory down the generations.

After moving my Mom 5 times after she turned 65 and seeing the pain she experienced every time something was gotten rid of I've decided to spare my children this chore and I the loss. I have done a great job (pat on the back) of emptying closets and storage areas. I have started using family keepsakes instead of just storing them. I have tossed (local thrift store) the inexpensive items I used previously and now use the "good" stuff. Another pat on the back; I have been working very hard to remove attachments to items just because they have been around for so long.

My brother and sister had to do it twice - once for an aunt who had to be moved to long term care because of advanced alzeimers, and then 4 years later when our dad moved to retirement home and then died 2 months later (mom was already in LTC). Both times I was in the process of moving myself - an overseas move and then the return. My brother did the really heavy work emptying our parents' house - I handled the last bits and the sale of the house with my sister.

So i ended up with a couple of trunks of family photos and assorted memorabilia - that I still have to sort into keep/pass along to other family or toss. But I have to do that with a lot of my own keepsakes - time to unpack those boxes finally!

Lesson to be learned - keep you're financial affairs in order and don't collect too many odds and ends that will only be tossed in the end. And try to keep on eye on your seniors who might not be doing as well as they appear. Be as involved in their lives as you can.

I have cleaned out two houses in the last two years and renovated one completely. It has all been an overwhelming task, but one that brings great memories and much happiness to me. I renovated my grandparent's old farmhouse and now have a new family living there. It's wonderful to see the lights on again at night, plants and decorations on the porch, and occasionally see the family having fun in the yard. I kept some of the things I uncovered, but donated many and gave some to other family members. I'm still in the process of working on my Mom's house, but have had much to correct. I donated loads of items, and sold a few. It's very difficult to decide what to keep and what to get rid of. I have worked hours at a time, then left things for a week or two, and then came back to them. If I still thought it was worth holding on to, I did- if not, I donated it. I am looking forward to the day it is completed and to have someone living there again. Old houses are a treasure and should be treated so, if they are worth saving. Both of these homes were such a part of my childhood and adolescence, and it is wonderful to see them come to life again!

Sorry for your loss. I have done it a couple of times. It is not easy. First, go through and take what ever you or family members would like to keep, next separate out any valuables that could be sold and put them on Ebay, Amazon, Craigs List etc..., then donate the rest to favorite charities or try estate sales, and for the remains you could either DIY dumpster or hire a junk guy to clear the rest. With respect to expenses, I think it is sometimes easier to pay the electric bill and other bills out a few months forward so you don't have to think about it too much-- if the budget allows until the asset is sold or transferred to someone else.

Last summer my 3 siblings and I made the decision to move mom to a memory care facility after having had her live at home with a nurse for several years. Alzheimers is an awful disease that has taken mom away a little bit at a time. :/ As the oldest and most stable (ha!), we decided to move mom to my city, across the country from "home". We shipped some of her things here for her, at the same time decided it was time to clean out, renovate and sell the house and since the closest of us was 7 hrs away by car, this became a serious commitment of time and money for each of us. My 2 sisters spent their vacation cataloging, cleaning, organizing and choosing a few sentimental items each to keep. A huge mistake was hiring a local estate sale company (can you say rip-off artists??!!!) who made a mess, practically gave away the few things they sold and we paid them 25% ! I subsequently sold most on Craigslist for more money and donated the remainder. My brother gutted and renovated every room. The house looks great and is almost ready to sell...I thought it was going to be hard but actually, now that it looks like a different (and newer) house, I don't view it as "hers" anymore. Best of all, mom seems to have adjusted well surrounded by some of her special things and today her memories are of times so long ago they predate living there so its just a house now...

I agree estate sales are no bargain. Always sell what you can on your own first. Then donate/ or estate sale.

I was thirteen when my mother died. I don't know who made the important arrangements about her funeral but for the little decisions it was left up to me. My father was hurting so deeply the funeral director called me. When he asked about her jewelry I told them to use the earrings she was wearing and to leave her Mother's ring on and MARK, THIS FOR YOU - I told them I wanted her wedding rings. I put them in her jewelry box and hid it in my cedar chest. My little brother was only five when she died and I wanted to make sure he had her rings to give to his future bride. I told him this off and on through the years so if something happened to me he would remember where they were. So when he found our precious Sherry, he had them sized to fit her. Everytime I see her I look at the rings and my brother and my heart is filled with joy. I'm sure Mama would have loved Sherry very much and been thrilled to to see her rings on Sherry's finger.

ConnecticutLass In 10 months in 2000, I lost my newspaper job and cleaned out three apartments in my family (Woodstock, Conn., NYC and D.C.) and gained a houseguest -- my mother-in-law after a paralyzing stroke -- who would always need a babysitter if my husband and I both wanted to go out at the same time.
That year taught me to appreciate what I had and I tried not to be a packrat any more.

Keep the keepers. Next step "Estate Sale".

Last year I lost both of my parents in a tragic accident. Their house was left to my 17 year old son, who has Down syndrome. Because the location of the home (on the water) had to do with my parents death and the unfortunate timing of their death (my son is not ready to live on his own and will not be for quite a few years) I do not want my son to live in the house. This has become a major issue with one of my two siblings. My parents bought this home as a 3 season cottage when I was 4 months old and turned it into a beautiful home. My father built every piece of furniture in the home including the kitchen cabinets. I remember 25+ years ago helping my dad put rough cherry lumber thru a planer as the first step to buiding those cabinets. We have decided to build an addition on our home with an apartment for my son. We are considering taking the kitchen cabinets from my parents home to bring some of their dreams into my son's new home. There is so much that goes into preparing a house for sale and adding the pressure of a sibling who feels he is getting slighted and the loss of my childhood home. Some of the advice above is pretty helpful...thanks for posting about this sometimes difficult subject.

I am doing this right now. My father passed away a month ago unexpectedly and suddenly at age 58 in Connecticut. I live in arkansas. He had redone most of his historical old house (laid hardwood floors, added second beautiful bathroom, ect.) he was beginning on the kitchen and tore out some electrical and a wall right before he died. He also had a wet, leaking, moldy basement, holes in the roof and squirrels living in the attic, and his back porch was rotted (we actually fell through while moving his belongings out). Trying to get it presentable to sell-and I'm 1500 miles away. Thank God for great neighbors and great references. Only $1600 and we've got it on the market on Friday.

To all of you with the loss of loved ones-my thoughts and prayers are with you. One common theme throughout this thread is that no matter what age you are when you lose your parents, you are never too old to be an orphan. This may be politically incorrect but may God Bless you all during this Holiday season.

Lake, that's how I feel; like an orphan. Also, with all the other older members of the family gone, it feels like my connection with the family line is severed. I know there is other family out there, but my mom never kept in contact with them, and didn't talk about them to me. It's a very difficult time, but I'm doing my best to get through it without freaking out, melting down, blowing up, or any other directional term. Ha.

apriltini-you are not alone. Keep your memories close-good luck

I took care of my aunt and her home after my mom and dad could no longer do it. My aunt felt that every thing she owned was priceless, and to her, it was. It was her life and all she had. Sadly, most of her stuff was pretty grim. I actually was hospitalized for pneumonia after spending so much time breathing in the dust from all of her old boxes. I had one offer to haul all of her stuff away for $100.00! Lesson learned, give the people you love what they want while you are still alive, and donate the rest to charity. Do not expect others to love your treasures, as most people will not want your old stuff. Keep what you love and find beautiful, and get rid of the rest! Your loved ones will continue to love you long after you are gone if you do.

So sad when family members come out of the woodwork. Especially the ones who did nothing while the person who passed was alive, yet, put on the 2nd Act of Camille at estate time. Great idea to take pictures of the things you want to leave.

Thanks everyone! I have found this information very helpful. Having lost my mom this past June, I am dreading cleaning out her things. I live next door so no excuse except that I cannot bear to part with her things. We do not plan to sell the house since it is on the lake and has been in the family for so long. This means there is no pressure to get stuff out of there. My brother lives 2000 miles away so everything rests with me. My mom wanted me to do it anyway but at times I feel so sad just thinking about it that I cannot get started. I sold her car last month and cried just watching the new owner drive away. Maybe once I get past Christmas, some strength will come. All the best to each of you who has to face this challenge!

I donated most of my mom's clothes and shoes to a local domestic violence shelter. It made me feel less sad to know that her things would go to people who needed them. Towels and bath rugs go to the animal shelter(s) because they're usually in desperate need of them. I've even culled some of my own things for donation when I came home last month. It's good to help others when you can.

Gotta love it when you call the local office of a well-known charity to donate some furniture, the big truck shows up, they take a quick look, complain that dark woodgrain whatever (still in good condition) doesn't really sell these days, and leave with only about 10 % of the items offered to them. I think the most difficult part is not taking it personally, remember it's not your stuff, and what people think of it is not a reflection of you, or of the departed you're still mourning while trying to dispose of the contents of their home, which might also be your childhood home with a whole other set of emotions you thought you forgot about...

Went through it. It was awful. Good friends helped immensely.

I have found many of the above stories very moving. There are some amazing people on this planet and it is nice to come across some on Houzz.We are now in the same situation. My mother in law died last month and it was a gruelling process for my husband and his siblings. The grieving process comes in fits and starts because the shock starts to wear off and the long-term loss starts to set in.We now have to prepare her apartment for resale in Alexandria VA and I have been asked to do a quick interior do-over for resale. First task is to identify sentimental items of value so they are passed on to the next generation. Next step is to ensure all the other items go to useful charities and places that they can continue to serve or be useful.After that we have to paint and stage the apartment ... I hope that this process will help the family in physically letting go (which hopefully aids the mental "letting go")

I am in the process now a year following the death of my mother in law after a short but brutal illness. She had down-sized and gotten most of her affairs in order in the short 5 weeks she had left. My husband had no siblings and no father and her loss has been very hard on him (she decided to pass in her home which makes it more difficult in some ways). He is still too upset to deal with the contents of the house so I have been going in and packing up a few boxes at a time. We also inherited her little dog and I take her with me. I find it very exhausting and emotionally draining, but I feel having Lupita there helps us both work through our grief. One up side to this process is that I keep finding small very old treasures that no one knew existed and that reveal more about her and her life. The most difficult part is the feeling of guilt that goes along with throwing out some of her things that are too worn to pass on or just not useful and sending the rest to thrift stores. These things were important enough for her to keep (like her briefcase full of articles and clippings that were her "idea book" for her dream house) and letting go feels like not honoring what was important to her. I have had a couple dreams shortly after having done work in the house where she comes back and I apologize for throwing out or giving her things away. Both times she touches my arm and tells me it is OK.

Thanks for the wonderful storeies. First, I'm a packrat and very sentimental, but I have two sons and they may not care about any of that stuff. Secondly, my mother is the same way, but since my sister (they share a home) is not like that, there shouldn't be so much. LOL...Finally, my husband takes care of his mother and she has a lot of stuff and I really need to share this with him.

Our young adult son died tragically a year ago this month and it was left to us to clean out his house. He was so proud of his beautiful home and had recently purchased great furniture pieces. The day of his funeral his house was burglarized which made it all the more upsetting. After the initial frantic effort that same day to get everything out that was not stolen, we brought everything to our house. Over the past year we have been slowly wading through the boxes and bins as our emotions allow. We donated what we could not use, gave anything to his dear friends that they wanted to remember him by and kept some of his nice things for our newly renovated home. We find it very comforting to have his things around us.

He still had many hand me down things from his college apartments and we had a garage sale with prices set to sell. What little was left we donated. He would have liked that.

When my Mom was in the final stages of terminal cancer she wanted to be sure her 4 girls would get the things each wanted. She had us work it out amongst ourselves and there will be no arguments over it when Dad’s time comes. After dinner on her last Mother’s Day, when she was just weeks away from death, she brought out her jewelry box and told us to take what we wanted. We were aghast and sobbed as we divvied – it was just macabre – as we were gaining family treasures, we knew we’d soon be without the treasured family member they came from.

Two pieces, the only two I wanted and had been promised to me long before Mom’s illness, were missing. We all assumed they had been lost in the move from house to condo two years before. I was heartbroken. Five long years later my Dad found my jewelry and when I wear it, I remember my Mother and that sad day in May.

It is no wonder really that anything went missing after Mom died - Dad is a hoarder, but she kept him in such good check that we never knew. Without her, however, the condo was immediately layered in paper from top to bottom. It is 8 years later, he is now 83, and I have tried to work with him to sort it out but he is not willing to change his ways. I know what awaits us when his time is up; I just wish he could see what a great burden and monumental task he will leave behind for us.

" The day of his funeral his house was burglarized which made it all the more upsetting"

Burglars keep track of funerals, because the house is likely to be empty. Have a friend stay in the house and make noise.

We've been through this twice. The first was my in-laws house, including a 2 car garage and a second 1 car garage. My husband's parents were living in another state when his father died and his mom asked us to clear out their other house in our city since his 2 siblings also lived in other states. They owned the house for over 25 years and his dad was a packrat bordering on hoarder. The basement was packed full, both garages were packed to the rafters and 95% of what was in there was junk. We ended up filling 6 of the long industrial size dumpsters and that didn't include furniture. Fortunately we were able to give the furniture away. We found very few "treasures" but did take home a few keepsakes. His mother didn't want anything - she was just glad to get rid of all the junk.

The second time was my childhood home. My mom also was a collector but not to the same extent. (Only one dumpster!) Luckily my 2 siblings also live in town so we all worked together. We all had different things we wanted to keep so there were no arguments. I actually ended up with the most because neither my sister or brother were that interested in keeping more than a few things. Guess I'm the sentimental one in the family! We donated a lot to charitable organizations and also had an estate sale. It was hard to say goodbye to the home I grew up in and I still drive by from time to time.

I recently retired and I am now going through our house organizing and editing. Having been through it twice I'm hoping my brother someday won't have too many "Why in the heck did she keep this????" moments.

My sister and I had to clear my mom's house. My brothers were the executor's and basically left things to my sister and myself to decide where things would go. It was probably the most difficult time I have ever had in my life as the brother was in a hurry to get the house on the market and sold as soon as possible.

When our Mother passed away at my sister's home after a slow, painful death, we four adult children (who didn't live near her or each other) gathered at Mother's apartment to dispose of the pack rats belongings. We each had a large box and starting with the oldest, said what we wanted of hers. (My mother had downsized several times and we already had many of her things). We spent two full days in that small space laughing and re-connecting and remembering, and went home with two boxes each, only to discover that many items were put in our boxes because ~~~ "should have that". Three large trash bags of craft stuff was taken to a senior center, four bags of clothes went to the Salvation Army store, and eight bags went to the dumpster.
Now that my sister and I both are retired ( and my husband and I have found our final resting place) , we both have cleared closets and drawers with the reminder that we don't want to leave a house or apartment for our children to go through. (But those two days were fun)!

When we lost our young son it was an honor to open his home to his multitude of friends, offering them anything they wanted to take. A horribly difficult task, was made a lot more meaningful to have his friends in his home,helping me, knowing that his things would help his loving group have a personal item to remember him by. I still had a lot of his baby and childhood items put away for the grandchildren we will not have. Giving his enormous library and toys away was hard, but when I took it all to a shelter for abused families, I felt their joy and knew that my child was helping a less fortunate child. I got to be proud of him all over again.

@paulajoy I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a child has to be the most inconsolable of losses to deal with. Thank you for sharing your inspirational story with us.

At the end, all will be sold, go to trash and will return to the drawer. The auction houses are testemonial of what I mean. What is valuable will go to auction. What is not valuable will go to trash.

I have cleaned through 3 homes of family members. The easiest one to do was my Mom's home because she had everything so nicely organized and uncluttered. I always felt it was her gift to me. I have vowed to continually uncluttered my home to help those that come after me!

I hope everyone with older relatives has the difficult discussion about valuables and family items of personal value before they pass. My mother handled dividing her parent's household items after they passed; it was tough on my mom to take on the role of deciding who got what, especially with warring sisters in law fighting over a few items - would have been so much better for my grandparents to have the discussion and written out their wishes in advance (or stuck post-it notes underneath items).

One item - a typed autobiography by my grandfather - was never found. We are all heartbroken not to have this irreplaceable record of his life. We all wish that when it was floating around the family after he wrote it that we had taken it and scanned or xeroxed a copy.

Considering how little the estate sale cleared, it would have been easier and financially better to donate the items to charity and take the tax deduction.

This is just the saddest post ever - and my heart goes out to all of you. The pain of going through a loved ones home, things, is just too painful. My mother made as many pre-arrangements as she humanly could, and I was super grateful for that, knowing that at least I was doing some what she wanted. Everything else, just felt like the remains of shattered dreams.

I read these posts, and feel for every one of you. My husband and brother were gone for the afternoon, and my mom and I shared the best day. Tea, gingerbread, my grandmothers music. We were two very different people, but, loved each other very much. She was in my hallway and I noticed a little
Slow, I asked are you okay. I took her arm and she told me my grandmother was with her. She died in my arms, a heart attack.
I called 911 and my husband arrived with the ambulance.
We recently heard Dr. Eben Alexander, who wrote Proof of Heaven. He is a Neuro Surgeon, Scientist, who now believes.
May these holidays be filled with new traditions as nothing seems to stay the same. Peace and love for you all

Blessings on you -- God embraces us at our point of need, as I have learned over and over. I am so grateful for wonderful memories and laughter that help to filter the tears. You are right -- new traditions are created when we realize that the old ones will never be the same. Thank you for posting.

I just remembered this discussion and all the incredibly moving experiences shared. Such a powerful read.