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anniedeighnaugh

Wedding gift question?

Annie Deighnaugh
3 years ago
last modified: 3 years ago

What's considered a standard wedding gift these days?

We were invited to a wedding that we are not attending...another state in Dec that would require flying and an overnight stay. I doubt we'd go under normal circumstances but especially not in the day of covid. The fellow getting married is the son of a friend of DH's who passed away many years ago, though we visited as couples many times before then. After he died, she moved to another state to be with her brother. I don't think the young man would recognize us if we passed on the street. But I would like to send them something as I'm sure they can use it....he's in the military now. Not knowing them at all, I'll send a check, but wondering what would be considered a reasonable amount in such a case. I was thinking $200...but I'm so out of touch, I have no idea if that's good or bad.

What say ye?

Comments (34)

  • robo (z6a)
    3 years ago

    $200 sounds really nice to me (middle-middle class)

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked robo (z6a)
  • gracefullyaged
    3 years ago

    $200-$300 is perfect (I am the mother of a military son). They will appreciate it; especially when it's time to PCS (move)!

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked gracefullyaged
  • Fun2BHere
    3 years ago

    I think $100 would be very reasonable; $200 is generous.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked Fun2BHere
  • JJ
    3 years ago

    I did $100 recently in a similar circumstance - someone I would probably never ever see again - just in memory of someone else.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked JJ
  • jojoco
    3 years ago

    Two hundred is a lovely gift. Did they register anywhere? That makes it so easy.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked jojoco
  • User
    3 years ago

    I must be a cheapskate, but I would likely send $50. If you're comfortable with $200 though, then I would think that would be a kind and generous gift.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked User
  • mtnrdredux_gw
    3 years ago

    I can't explain why, but for some reason I always think $250 seems more appropriate. It seems to me like a sort of a standard increment? Kind of hard to explain. Maybe i think it looks nicer?

    I think it's kind of you under the circumstance.s

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked mtnrdredux_gw
  • gail618
    3 years ago

    I think $200 is very nice of you.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked gail618
  • maire_cate
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    I think $200. would be a lovely gift and I'm sure it will be a very welcome.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked maire_cate
  • eld6161
    3 years ago

    I agree. That is very generous.

    I just sent $100 as a wedding gift to a friend’s son our of star . We were not invited but I am good friends with the mom.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked eld6161
  • blfenton
    3 years ago

    $200 is perfect.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked blfenton
  • pricklypearcactus
    3 years ago

    $200 sounds very generous to me for someone who would not recognize you. You are very kind and generous. To me, even $100 seems quite generous.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked pricklypearcactus
  • gsciencechick
    3 years ago

    I would probably give $100. They will be thrilled, but if you want to send more, go ahead.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked gsciencechick
  • Annie Deighnaugh
    Original Author
    3 years ago

    That's excellent feedback.

    Funny, Mtnrd, I was thinking $250 too, but then $200 seemed "rounder" to me.

  • OutsidePlaying
    3 years ago

    I think $200 is more than generous for someone who doesn’t know you well. I am another who would send $100 but if you think $200 is reasonable, that is great and I’m sure would be appreciated.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked OutsidePlaying
  • 3katz4me
    3 years ago

    I too would do $100 for someone who doesn’t really know me.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked 3katz4me
  • mtnrdredux_gw
    3 years ago

    thats so funny, Annie, because oddly enough I like 150 and 250 but not 200 as much!


    Annie Deighnaugh thanked mtnrdredux_gw
  • Olychick
    3 years ago

    Funny, I see the $50's as "you're not quite worth the higher amount" like $150 instead of $200. It could be seen as "worth more than $100" but that's not how it reads to me.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked Olychick
  • maire_cate
    3 years ago

    Interesting how we view these things - I also thought that $250 'looked better' than $200 or for that matter looked better than $300 - yet that's an additional $50. I wonder what the psychology is behind those mental images. I wonder if there is some intuitive mathematics happening along the line of Mtn's opinion that it's a standard increment?

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked maire_cate
  • Ded tired
    3 years ago

    I think $150 looks as good as $250. It’s as if you thought to send $100 but because you care about them you bumped it up to $150. On the other hand it may look like you meant to send $200 but decided since you will never see them, you went down to $150.


    See? I can overthink anything.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked Ded tired
  • mtnrdredux_gw
    3 years ago

    I also thought that $250 'looked better' than $200 or for that matter looked better than $300 -


    yes, exactly, isn't that weird?


    I think of gift increments as being:

    100

    150

    250

    500

    1000


    I cannot explain why, I just do. These numbers seem the most "gifty" or "festive" to me. I would never give $400 just as I'd never give $143 IYKWIM.


    I recently sent my re-locating nephew a gift certificate for a nice dinner out. I thought I had gotten a $100 gift card and a $50 gift card. When I got home, i realized I had 100 and 25. It really bothered me, but putting in 25 in cash would make me look scatterbrained! Worse yet I had a cute card but the gift cards were bulky so I had to use another, larger envelope. The whole effect skewed Senile Aunt. Still bothers me LOL


  • Annie Deighnaugh
    Original Author
    3 years ago

    just as I'd never give $143...


    Really? And here I was going to send $195.01 to cover the cost of the card...

    ;)

  • mtnrdredux_gw
    3 years ago

    I should add that I do give multiples of 18 when appropriate, for good luck.

  • User
    3 years ago

    I think maybe you shouldn't overthink it. Just give whatever seems right to you in the moment and let it go. A gift is precisely that ... a gift, and as such it should be received with gratitude and love.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked User
  • mtnrdredux_gw
    3 years ago

    Yes, hopefully goes without saying that all gifts should be appreciated (and usually are)...there really should be no such thing as a wrong gift.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked mtnrdredux_gw
  • Oakley
    3 years ago

    $100 or $200 is nice either way. New couples, especially in the military would probably appreciate cash over a gift. For that matter, any couple would like cash. :)

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked Oakley
  • bpath
    3 years ago

    I do the $18 only if the recipient is Jewish. Is it also used in other traditions?

    I like $250, too. It looks more intentional. And it’s a nice half of $500, somehow that is a better increment to my eyes.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked bpath
  • Tina Marie
    3 years ago

    I agree with ocotillo. Don’t overthink. I’ve never heard the multiples of 18?? Then again, I don’t believe in luck. :)

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked Tina Marie
  • mtnrdredux_gw
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    Yes, "when appropriate;" by that I meant for Bar/bat mitzvahs, sometimes for a Jewish wedding, etc.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked mtnrdredux_gw
  • Funkyart
    3 years ago

    And in the Indian culture, you never give a dollar amount ending in 0.. always add a 1: 101, 201 or 251.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked Funkyart
  • texanjana
    3 years ago

    What an interesting discussion. Annie, I think your gift is generous.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked texanjana
  • salonva
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    Ded, I can out-overthink you!! I too think that $150 sounds almost better than $200.

    And for the 18's if you want to get really fancy you can always add 18 cents to the amount. like $180.18. It adds another layer of levity to the gift. My sister and I have done that with gifts to each other's children getting married.

    I did not know that about Indian culture. Will keep that in mind as we have a few Indian friends whose "kids" are approaching marriage age.

    So to answer your question, Annie, I think $200 is VERY nice.

    Annie Deighnaugh thanked salonva
  • Michele
    3 years ago

    I think it’s a wonderful and generous gift. My daughter and son-in-law were very touched by the generosity shown them when they married back in February. He’s in the army reserves. They got that one in right under the wire here in NYC.


    Annie Deighnaugh thanked Michele