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sas95_gw

Awful artwork... What would you do?

sas95
last year

My husband's mom died a few years ago, and in the process of cleaning out her home, his brother brought us some of her "artwork." His mom was a lovely woman, but her taste was totally different than mine. Some of the pieces were small and innocuous, and I put them up in our home office. There is one piece, however, that is just atrocious. It's big and loud and, IMO, super-tacky and cheap looking. It went in a closet.

Lately DH has been talking about that piece, saying that he loves it, and it should be hung in a prominent place in the house. I don't want to have it anywhere, but if it did go somewhere I wouldn't want it where it could be generally seen-- maybe I'd put it in our exercise room or something, but honestly, it's just plain ugly.

What would you do in this situation? Be honest and totally hurt feelings? Hang it and cringe? Something in between? By way of background, every art decision in our house has been made jointly. If one of us likes a piece and the other doesn't, we never buy it, with the reasoning that it is both of our houses and it's just as easy to find something we both like. I don't see how this is different, except, of course, that it is a memory of his mom. I don't remember it being hung anywhere in her house, though, so maybe she didn't like it that much either... Thoughts?

Comments (32)

  • Ally De
    last year
    last modified: last year

    This is a tough one, because I don't know your spouse at all.


    Not knowing how well this would go over, I would mix gentle honesty with a whole ton of kindness. Knowing he lost his mom and that he loves this art, I would find a way to compromise.


    If you think he would be ok with this, I would tell him the piece doesn't speak to you but you understand that it means a lot to him. Ask him to give a few places where he thinks it should be hung in the house, and then I would pick the least obtrusive spot he offered.

    sas95 thanked Ally De
  • Allison0704
    last year

    Does he work outside the home? He could hang it in his office.

    sas95 thanked Allison0704
  • eld6161
    last year
    last modified: last year

    Tough one. What I find interesting is that it was not hung anywhere in DMIL’s home. The sentiment your husband is feeling is not that he grew up looking at this art, or even viewed it in his mother’s home if it was a later purchase.

    He seems to be connected to it purely because it was his mom’s. Yet….he says he loves it. Taking DMIL out if the equation, what is it about it that he likes so strongly?

    Where does he want it to go? Could it go in your entry hall? It would be the first thing he and guests see. Certainly prominent. But…then guests move on into your other entertainment areas and it would be out of sight, out of mind.

    This art might become it’s own conversation starter.

    I do feel that if he adamant about it being hung, you both need a say in where.

    sas95 thanked eld6161
  • Fori
    last year

    Ask him where it was hung in Mom's house to inspire you--but only if you're SURE it wasn't hung somewhere you might regret having it. :)


    @Ally De has the correct answer I think, and the kindest.


    Um...we want to see a photo of it. Not to make fun, but to perhaps help you consider framing changes or whatever to make it fit in better?

    sas95 thanked Fori
  • roxanna
    last year

    This is a tricky one, indeed. Reminds me of the old joke about rushing to hang the oil portrait of MIL just before she shows up for a visit (usually hidden in a closet). Lol.


    Honestly, if your house rule has always been to choose art together, etc., then I think I would tell DH that this piece is definitely NOT to your liking, and see how that goes. This may not be actually divorce-worthy (or might be) but why should you have to suffer its cringe-worthy-ness? Does your DH have a personal space/room/man cave where it could be hung for his enjoyment but not be in YOUR face? Good luck -- I hope this can be resolved. (((hugs)))

    sas95 thanked roxanna
  • Ally De
    last year

    LOL Fori.


    Trust me, I have all kinds of snarky ideas...but considering the poor guy lost his mother and this piece is wrapped up in that for him, my instinct is to cut him a whole lot of slack. :)

    sas95 thanked Ally De
  • graywings123
    last year

    His mom died a few years ago, so unless there is more to the story, I assume this is an art appreciation exercise. Tell him the truth and see where things go.

    sas95 thanked graywings123
  • olychick
    last year

    As others have said, it's tricky, but you both have to be kind to each other, not just you to him. I think talking to him about his attachment to it, memories of it and her will help clarify his feelings, maybe for both of you. So, I would be honest in that it's really just not your taste and you would prefer to not hang it in your shared home.
    A compromise might be to photograph it, have the photo framed and put it by his bedside. Or on his desk.

    sas95 thanked olychick
  • just_terrilynn
    last year
    last modified: last year

    Ok, now I have just got to see this art.

    I would hang it somewhere as a compromise. It's not worth upsetting your husband even more at this time. Maybe put it on a hall wall. It could be a hall wall that's on it's way to another room. Maybe after a while the painting could inch it's way over, further and further inch by inch towards the closet. Or, was there a room she stayed in when visiting? you could do a shrine in there.

    sas95 thanked just_terrilynn
  • Ally De
    last year

    Oooh, I like Oly's answer better.


    I'm changing my vote to that. :)

  • Jilly
    last year

    Everyone has given great advice.

    Sas, you have to show us. My mind is wandering. Is it worse than these? Is it velvet?





    sas95 thanked Jilly
  • olychick
    last year

    Jinx, IMO you're out of control today. Love it.

  • Jilly
    last year
    last modified: last year

    Not kidding now — since you didn’t see it hung in her house, it makes me wonder if it was passed to her from a family member, too, and she felt obligated to keep it. Every generation ends up with this art to keep in the closet. :D

    sas95 thanked Jilly
  • Ally De
    last year

    What fresh hell is that second photo?! I don't know how to process what I'm looking at...

    sas95 thanked Ally De
  • Fori
    last year

    I think that's PeeWee Herman taping up his nose for fun. I think it was in the movie because I recognize it but have only seen the movie and not his other comic masterpieces.

  • sas95
    Original Author
    last year

    Jinx, sadly, I would put it in the same category as your first picture.

    As much as I would love to post the artwork, I think that would be disloyal. :) It's not a painting, it's some sort of paint on wood or resin or something (I never looked at it that closely). It has an angel theme-- not sweet and charming angels, but gaudy ones. It's narrow, but probably about 3 feet tall, so it definitely catches the eye.

  • Jilly
    last year
    last modified: last year

    Ahh, I understand! :)

    ETA: We have a not-loved-painting we keep for parental sentimental reasons, too, I totally get it. :)

  • jojoco
    last year

    Be honest. Tell him how wonderful she was, but that this particular picture isn't your favorite. Find one that is, and put that one in a conspicuous place. Art is such a personal thing and shouldn't be imposed on anyone. Is there anyone else in the family that you could gift the artwork to (in the dead of night)?

    sas95 thanked jojoco
  • User
    last year
    last modified: last year

    Does he have an office, garage or man cave you could put his art in? Maybe even on a wall that you can't see from the hall?

    Jinx, I would 100% hang both of those paintings in my rumpus room!

    sas95 thanked User
  • nekotish
    last year

    I have encountered this same issue. Hallways are a wonderful place to display such things. My gentle persuasion included the phrase "we will walk by it and see it several times a day." Worked for us.


    sas95 thanked nekotish
  • Annie Deighnaugh
    last year

    If the art work is not your favorite, be honest and tell him that it doesn't represent your best memories of her and rather triggers a less pleasant response, and that you'd rather remember her differently. See if there might not be a compromise for you both.


    Is there somewhere in the house you could hang it where he would be the one who sees it predominantly? Some place that is more his than yours or only his?

  • l pinkmountain
    last year
    last modified: last year

    I found an ugly art piece in a closet in the house when I was cleaning out Mom's things. I had never seen it and Dad didn't recognize it so I gladly took it to Goodwill. I am sure it was in the closet because Mom didn't like it, I have no idea where she got it. Maybe a relative . . . I didn't recognize the artist . . . it was a badly rendered gray horse standing in a corral with the ground covered entirely in mud . . . it was depressing . . .

    My husband has very different taste in art than I do . . . that said, I usually find places to hang his art taste. We have so much art in the house and it's so eclectic that it all kind of blends. In the family room I have one wall of Mom's Japanese wood block prints, and on the opposite wall is hubs collection of autographed pictures of sports hero guys. They are far enough apart they don't clash. At our last house the guest bedroom was his "man cave." Luckily we didn't have that many guests who had to suffer his taste in art (I'm kidding!)

    Surely there is some place it could blend. Yeah, blend, that's the ticket. I'm channeling Marisa Tomei in "My Cousin Vinny." "You stick out like a sore thumb around here." "Yeah, you blend."

    Hey, it's actually for sale as art, so . . . I guess things could be worse in the art department, my Jersey Boy could want to hang that one up . . .



  • carolb_w_fl_coastal_9b
    last year
    last modified: last year

    Having lost our mom late last year, I would probably just suck it up and find the least objectionable spot for it, no matter how much I hated it. I think it's important to choose one's battles, and a spouse/life partner wanting to honor his late mother is not something I'd want to risk creating bad feelings over.

    I like the idea of a hallway &/or a more private area of the home - somewhere he might see it daily, but not on public display. You can just avert your eyes as you go by.

    sas95 thanked carolb_w_fl_coastal_9b
  • dedtired
    last year

    I think compromise is called for here. If theart is so very dear to him but you so dearly hate it, then find a not so prominent place and hang it there. Like inside a closet door. His closet.

    Is it makes you feel any better, I have a large photo of my former mother in law in my garage. Long story.

  • bpath
    last year

    I’m in the camp of lovingly hanging the picture up. Somewhere.

  • Lars
    last year

    I'm with SeattleMCM - I think your husband deserves a room that he can call his own, such as his own office, man cave, garage, etc. and decorate as he wishes. I do not think that all spaces in the house need to be shared. If he has a workshop area in the garage, then that would be a good place for it.

    We have lots of paintings on the walls of our garage - not because we don't like them, but because we do not have enough wall space in the houses.

  • sas95
    Original Author
    last year

    Thank you, all for your comments. I feel better about hanging it up somewhere. We have no room that we can earmark for my husband. While our house is not small, there are not many rooms, and they are all in use in one way or another. Our variable climate in the Northeast does not make for garage decoration, and he has recently retired so he has no office to bring it to. You have reminded me that in the long run, arguing over a piece of artwork is not worth the bad feelings that would result. So again, thanks!

  • l pinkmountain
    last year

    If it makes you feel any better, hubs whole family, including many who have passed on, are all staring at me on the wall across from the bed in the master bedroom. Along with an eagle statue he has that looks like it is bearing down on us about to attack . . . I got used to it . . .

  • ratherbesewing
    last year

    Can you incorporate this art into a gallery wall? If not, a hallway would be less intrusive.

  • localeater
    last year

    I can totally relate. My husband and I inherited lots of pieces of art from his parents. Much of it I love. However, our old house didnt have much wall space and so, some of it was in storage. We move, more walls, and now he’s bringing me stuff and asking where I want it. (one of them had ”words” just for context) I opted for honesty.

  • arcy_gw
    last year

    The inherited pieces I have are swapped in and out seasonally. That way they hang for a bit and DH gets to see them but I don't have to all the time. If the art in question is a bad as we are imagining I might think of a way to prep your hubby on comments that may come your way once it is hung. It will stick out as it is soo different than the rest of your home...I know you don't want to hurt his feelings but it will be worse when visitors inquire???

  • Annie Deighnaugh
    last year

    When we were married we got this odd wedding gift from DH's cousin who thought himself an artist...made some weird thing out of a gear and nails. I sent a nice thank you note telling him we have the perfect spot next to our family room for it. I didn't say that next to the family room was dh's workshop....