So sorry for your loss Lyban. I hope you have the support that you need. There are truly no words to make your grief any less but just talking about it might help a little. There are a lot of people here who are present and ready to listen to you. I wish you peace and strength.

I'm so sorry, Lyban. My husband died in 2011 so I know how awful it is. My family, friends and adult children got me through but I also found an online widowed group that was very helpful -- when you're ready. Sending you love -- please keep posting - we are here for you.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/12/magazine/deathbed-visions-research.html

I'm posting this link and hope it doesn't poof. I randomly ran across the article and comments in the late afternoon after a truly bad day missing my horses. I believe, and it sounds so weird, that my mare was comforting me and reminding me that though one dimension of her being is gone, not all has disappeared, and our love abides. Hope someone else enjoys it.

Lyban, I am so sorry. I do grouch about my husband from time to time. I just vent on here. Of course, he and I are different people. He is a "everything must be out at all times" and I am a " everything has a place behind closed doors". He can drive me crazy! He retired in 2003 and it got worse.

I cannot imagine him not here...... We have been married 54 years this July............

(((Lyban))), like all of your ”family” here, I am so incredibly sorry! I can only begin to imagine all you’re going through. My daughter is a clinical mental health therapist and through her I’ve learned how much help they can be, especially during times of trauma like yours. I urge you to consider someone like that to help you if you need. But, please know that we here are also here for you. And know that I will be keeping you in my prayers for comfort❤️

Lyban, reading this from you “… my family of virtual friends bring a smile to my face.…” brought tears to my eyes and warmth to my heart. From eld, “Know that the wagons are circling.” … and from bestyears, “Please come here any time and we will show up.”. I have nothing to add to that and all the thoughtful replies from our friends here.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Lyban.

(((((lyban)))))

I'm so sorry for your loss. He sounds like he was truly a great man and wonderful husband.

I can't even imagine how hard this must be. Please take care of yourself and I hope you are able to find support from in person friends and family as well as what we can offer here and, as LynnNM says, there are great professionals out there who can offer invaluable support). Hugs.

Oh Lyban, I am so sorry. Please continue to reach out. Virtual hugs & healing thoughts....Liz

I am so very sorry, Lyban. Holding you in my heart.

I am very sorry for your loss. May his memory be a blessing.

So sorry, Lyban, to hear your sad news. I hope that your memories of your dear DH will help sustain you through this sad and difficult time.

Sending you loving thoughts as you travel this road.

Cannot think of words that will take the pain away. Give yourself time and try to be around others. ((Lyban))

Good morning my dear virtual friends. i was blown away by all your words of love and support. i am feeling a bit better today.

i know time is what i need and i do try to stay strong .

i have one daughter and one grand daughter and i know i have to be here for them.

A few asked about my DH, I met him through work , we were married for 57 years . He was a very kind and generous person. he would always want to help others and i never heard him say a bad word about anyone, he accepted everyone as they were.

He had a beautiful close relationship with our daughter and GD.

again thank you for being here for me and i come to the forum often now to pass some time and read about what others are up to.

I wish I had been lucky enough to have known him Lyban.

I think he would say the same about you. Remember to take care of yourself. ❤️

Fifty-seven years! Wow. You and your DH are so blessed. He sounds like a really fine and decent person. ((((hugs))))

I am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you are going through. I'm reminded of the phrase:

with great love comes great pain, and with great loss comes the greatest pain of all

Hugs, Lyban. It’s good to see you posting … thank you for sharing more about your wonderful DH.

Thinking of you and your family. ❤️

I just had lunch with my dear cousin, whose husband died about 7 years ago. We had a great discussion about the magnitude of this particular loss. She described her husband in words very similar to yours. She said at one point "You go on. What choice do you have?" And I told her, no, you had a choice. And you chose to build back a really good life.

Thinking of you.

"You go on. What choice do you have?" And I told her, no, you had a choice. And you chose to build back a really good life.

I love this.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

A work romance that became a 57 year marriage— how wonderful for you both! It can be tiring to be the strong one all the time. Take care of yourself along with your daughter and granddaughter. I am thankful you three have each other to lean on ❤️

Fifty seven years, how wonderful! It is never enough though, however long we have together.

As far as being strong. I say not always. I always tell DH "stoicism is highly overrated." Allow yourself your feelings at least from time to time.

I know from your posts you are very close to your DD and GD, what a blessing.

Lyban, what a wonderful man he was. I'm so happy for you that you have a daughter and granddaughter to call yours.

You've been on my mind since I read your post. Honestly. With each thought I've said a prayer for your healing.

I hope you stay with us here to be a part of this special group of people, who are there in many ways that sometimes in-real-life people are not.

Lyban, just thinking of you and sending you thoughts of comfort and solace in this most difficult time.

Lyban, I'm so very sorry for your devastating loss. May the memory of your 57 years together bring you comfort.

One of the best poems ever for grief. I cry every time I read it..

Epitaph

by Merrit Malloy

When I die

Give what’s left of me away

To children

And old men that wait to die.

And if you need to cry,

Cry for your brother

Walking the street beside you.

And when you need me,

Put your arms

Around anyone

And give them

What you need to give to me.

I want to leave you something,

Something better

Than words

Or sounds.

Look for me

In the people I’ve known

Or loved,

And if you cannot give me away,

At least let me live on in your eyes

And not on your mind.

You can love me most

By letting

Hands touch hands,

By letting

Bodies touch bodies,

And by letting go

Of children

That need to be free.

Love doesn’t die,

People do.

So, when all that’s left of me Is love,

Give me away.

I’ll see you at home In the earth.

I have 2 books of poems by Merrit Malloy and I have always loved that one.

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find comfort and peace in the memories of your husband.

Just to say I (and I am sure others) have been thinking about you and hope you are healing.

❤️

Kitschykitch & Kswl,

thank you for thinking of me . things are getting a bit better every day. there are times i can go a few days and manage quite well and then for no reason I go to pieces.

but that said i do see more light at the end of the tunnel.

i realize now that i still have a daughter and grand daughter that need me so I am working hard on trying to stay strong for them and i guess myself.

i am lucky to have them and am trying to be positive and count my blessings.

i know my DH would have wanted that.

Hugs, Lyban ❤️❤️

I am so glad to see an update from you Lynn. You sound better. Be gentle with yourself! 💕

Lyban ❤️ 🙏

Take care, Lyban. Think about you often and appreciate the update.

Sending good wishes and hugs, Lyban. It is great to read your update.

Grief is a process that cannot be rushed through. Be gentle on yourself. ((hugs))

Thank you for your update. You have been the thoughts of all here.

Hugs and strength to you Lyban....

Peace and love to you Lyban.

I’m glad to hear from you. Wishing you a continued smooth path.

Wishing you comfort and strength, love and peace.

Grief is an unmarked path we have to travel to get to an unknown destination. One step at a time.

Thank you for the update Lyban. I liken grief to waves in a storm. At first they knock you over from every which way and seem never to stop. With time they come less often and less powerful, but then every once in awhile, for no reason at all, a rogue wave will come along and toss you again. It's only because we've loved so much that we grieve so deeply. Sending you thoughts of comfort and solace.

Thank you for your post, Lyban. Seeing something other than the huge hole left by your loved one is just a tiny reassurance that your life will still have joy. DH and I were at a poetry reading yesterday and an author read one about that "rogue wave" Annie described so well. It is still such early days for you, keep taking care of your grieving heart.

Just sending hugs your way and prayers for healing.