Play Nice

11 years ago

I was served a piece of humble pie so i have the right to say what I'm going to post.

We who are more knowledgeable then others in regards to plants and plant care and who give advice should really give advice properly. I just spent the good portion of the past few hours reading reply's to plant queries with my jaw half open.

1. There is no reason to be rude when answering someones questions, many people are new to the plant keeping hobby and are looking for guidance... not belittlement.

2. If someone is looking for help, help them the best way you can; if you have advice (whether it be found on the internet or personal) give it.

3. There is no true way to not fix something. If someone has done something that may be in your eyes 'wrong' teach them how to fix it, or at least tell them how to do it correctly for the future. And then try to help figure out a way to keep what they have going on positive and steered in the right direction.

We are here to help one another, not turn someone away or snub our noses at someone or reply to their problem in a tasteless disrespectful way.

When i started my salt water aquarium i had millions of questions. And i asked peoples opinions and they gave their thoughts to me readily. Because if it worked for them it may work for me. Never once was anyone rude to me because of a question. The same goes with plants.

We learn from our mistakes and give people the best advice we know how to from our own personal experiences. In no way shape or form should we make someone feel 'stupid' for asking a question or asking for advice given a plant issue.

People need to come to these forums and not be afraid to ask someone that may be 'so beneath them' a question. We should all be happy someone found these forums and has taken the good leap of faith to ask their questions and get them answered...

regardless of how old the thread may be.

Let's play nice ya'll. The world of houseplants is to beautiful to be downgraded to a world of ill-repute and ignorant reply's. Lets keep it civil and positive and good. Enough with the rudeness!

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Comments (13)

marguerite_gw Zone 9a
11 years ago
grrr4200, I heartily endorse the sentiments expressed in your post. It is possible that some posters are not aware of how abrasive or even domineering they sound, but it can be very off-putting especially for those who have come to a forum for help and advice, which we all most certainly needed when we were starting out, and still need from time to time.
So thanks for speaking up.
goddess9
11 years ago
I agree - we all had our neurotic moments and "dumb" questions. We all had to make our gardening mistakes.

There is no need for terse replies or 'I told you so's. We're all gardeners here and here to help each other.
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Lamora
11 years ago
Thank you for this post and replies. Very Nicely put.
stonesriver
11 years ago
Unfortunately, the first step is recognizing one is belittling someone. The happened to me and the person didn't understand why I found his response to advice I gave offensive. And while I agree with the above posts, methinks politeness might be in the eye of the beholder since calling replies "ignorant" is somewhat like the pot calling the kettle black. :-)

One good rule of thumb is to ask yourself before you post: "How would I feel if someone addressed me this way?"

That being said, I am a retired dog trainer. The most frustrating students were those who asked advice, ignored it or gave it their own "spin," and later came back and asked why their dog was doing poorly.

I told my instructors to have patience with these students because if they had the answers they wouldn't be in class in the first place. And they didn't do it out of malice but lack of knowledge. However, I understand how frustrating it is and sympathize with those on this forum who find themselves in the same situation as my instructors.

If a person can't give initial advice or comment on advice with which they don't agree without belittling or being offensive, they should take their toys and go home.

If a person comes to these forums for advice, they should expect there can be consequences to their plants if they modify or ignore it. No one on this forum gives advice to kill a plant, for goodness sake.

And if a person finds advice being ignored and is tempted to make a pithy response when they read the results or see the same question asked yet again, scream at the walls instead. :-)

Linda...who *is* screaming at the walls because planes are practicing for an air show and each time they make a pass over her house the dogs howl.....loudly and long!
summersunlight
11 years ago
I agree that there is no reason to take conversations about houseplants seriously enough to get angry with others. If someone on here is annoying to you, ignoring them is better.
plantmasterm
11 years ago
Bravo grrr4200, Im so glad you posted this, Ive said myself many times how rude I thought some of the responders were, and even commented on this myself awhile back..I must say I totally agree..if you love plants how can you be a rude person.
christine1950
11 years ago
grrr4200, I couldnt agree with you more, I have stayed away from this web site due to some really nasty people, and I was only hurting myself, so I'm back and I will make sure I'm wearing my Teflon Suit :>) when I come to this site. Your all so right, there is so much information given out here.
Christine
amber_m
11 years ago
im glad you posted this... im very new to this site and ive been reading all the threads like they are hard to find pampletts of knowledge... also i know ive started a dozen threads asking multitudes of questions, and ive noticed some of this rudeness here and there... we are all plant lovers, which means that somewhere in us all is an urge to nurture, and i think that everyone should be happy to share any advise or info they can to help someone else better care for and nurture their green "babies"...
teengardener1888
11 years ago
I also agree plantmastern. soor to anyone if I sounded rude I just try to help and I don't mean to be rude
amber_m
11 years ago
teengardener, i dont think ive seen a single post of yours that was mean or rude at all, so dont worry, your fine. im so glad to see someone your age so into plants! i thought i was young to be into plants, im 25 and have grown up in a family of gardeners but i was never interested as much as you are at your age!
marguerite_gw Zone 9a
11 years ago
You are a young gentleman, teengardener1888. Rude, never!
EATREALFOOD
11 years ago
,,, for a second I thought I was on the kitchen forum.
I am surprised to hear other forums share the same challenges(especially the house plant forum).
Great post.
rhizo_1 (North AL) zone 7
11 years ago
Eatrealfood, problems are very rare in this forum. Sometimes, problems really aren't at all but are simple misinterpretations caused by strong personalities or a terse demeanor. Of course, there have been some instances of rudeness, unkindness, and other such behavior.....so commonly found in the best of families. Those rare episodes can often be handled with humor.

At the risk of seeming rude, myself...this thread comes across as being a teensy passive agressive in my eyes. I recognize it because I can be THE SUPREME QUEEN of passive aggressiveness! Let 's concentrate on the greatness within this forum and try to overlook the negative....or take it private.