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suenh

Venting a bit to kick myself into motion

suenh
18 years ago

Last year when I was moving my husbands stepdaughter asked if she could rent our old house. Was his ex's kid from another marriage but he had essentially been the girls father for most of her childhood. She agreed to pay rent and told me not to worry about the plants I could move them as I had time and cleared land.

Money stopped coming and I've been fighting for many months.

Finally got the kids out of my house. Had to go through formal eviction motions. At least I didn't have to have the sheriff drag them out. Didn't want to go there with a small kid involved.

My gardens are completely ruined. I had moved a lot of stuff but I had left a lot behind because it's mostly daylilies and iris and they can stand a lot of neglect. Was moving a few at a time at my leisure as I cleared land at the farm.

The kids had 3 dogs. Holes started appearing everywhere. Aside from wigging out about not getting any money from them I was warning them constantly to put the dogs out back. Ignored totally. I was getting so pissed that I stopped moving plants for a bit. Was just trying to get them to hand over money or get out. Must have been one of the final fits that they actually pulled several plastic bread flats of iris rhizomes and left them laying on the porch. No idea if that was an attempt to save them from a plant eating dog or what. Found them shriveled with barely any life yesterday.

My big daylily bed was destroyed. They made a bonfire on it at one point. Dog holes all over. It also appears that they had mowed over them several times. Fence had been removed and junk cars parked on top. I dug tiny little fans out yesterday for a couple of hours. Little fans peaking out of sod. When the shovel would come up I'd find a huge clump of rotted roots with just a tiny bit of life clinging someplace. Soil compaction and plain old abuse I guess. These plants would have withstood not being weeded for a year or two without missing a heartbeat. Every time I said something I'd either get a blank look or they are just bulbs.

Inside the house...I had a Berber wall to wall carpet in the living room that ran upstairs to the bedrooms. Ripped up and some cheap blue stuff put in place. Some industrial strength stuff glued to flooring in my mother in laws old room. They cut 2 feet off my kitchen counter and cabinets.??? Why? left the unfinishd cut cabinet and just nailed a piece of wood across the place where the counter top was. These were custom built cabinets. Made totally from scratch by a very talented carpenter. The bathroom fixtures, all white are orange with rust. Looks like they were never cleaned. I scrubbed with CLR until my hands burned yesterday. Barely made a dent in it. The toilets were literally black.

My cold frame is totally gone. So are the winter hardy cactus that lived in there. There is a dead snowmobile parked on top of a patch of old iris.

The beds around the pond are trampled to bare mud and there is a whiskey bottle floating in the water. Canoe parked on the shore and the waterlilies are gone. This is a like a 40' by 25' pond. Not a boat pond.

They owe over $5000 in back rent. The electric bill was supposed to have been put in their name but somehow never was, that's over $370 dollars. I'm afraid I'm going to have to have the sheriff hunt them down. Just too big a hit. Never see it I know but at this point revenge is sweet.

The plants make me just sick. The irises will probably never survive. Maybe the daylilies will. I planted most of them right off. Only out of the ground for an hour or two. It's just so darn late here. The fact we haven't had a frost is sort of a miracle.

My magnolia tree covered in bite marks... Think I dare move it now? Don't remember the real name, it's the only one hardy up here. Big white flowers with a bit of a burgundy base to it. Was a mothers day present a couple of years ago. Still small enough where I could get it in the truck with a little help.

Soon as my kid gets off the school I'm going to plant the rest of the daylilies I have in a bucket. Then go work on the rust stains. Attempt to salvage more plants.

Came close to barfing. Really disgusted. There was always some big song and dance and excuse.

Comments (13)

  • njiris
    18 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Sorry to hear about your trouble. Seems like they really took advantage of you, but at least now they are out and they are not doing any further damage
    I hope your plants survive. Iris are tough, and if they are the older types, maybe you will be pleasantly surprised next spring.
    Laetitia

  • sylviatexas1
    18 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Before you do another thing:

    Take photos!

    You need them to file suit for damages when you file for back rent.

    When you get a judgment against her, you can at least write it off (loss, bad debt, something).

    Do call the sheriff & file criminal charges as well (being sure first that neither civil nor criminal will cancel the other) for vandalism, malicious mischief, deliberate destruction of private property.

    What she did is criminal.

  • suenh
    Original Author
    18 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Came home to get something to eat and plant a few things. Wait for my daughter to get home from school.

    Your right. I'll bring my digital camera and take a few photos. The rust stains are pretty well out now but I've got gouges in the base of both tubs. Bathing with boots on? I don't know.
    Big hole in my mother in law's old room.

    Brand new screen doors are missing the screens entirely. They were new and still wrapped when they moved in. In theory they were supposed to get the first months rent free for doing some needed painting and installing the new screen doors and a few not hard or skilled odds and ends. None of it was done. Most of the cans of paint we purchased are missing. My husband's box of plumbing tools are missing. The box is there just no tools. He had borrowed them this winter to fix something.

    I think, I think I had gotten a bit of every bearded iris I had. I had left a lot behind because I needed to clear more land here on the farm and because they were either going to attempt to get financing or I put the house on the market. I was going to leave perennial beds for whoever got the house. Was a temporary thing no matter what. I bent over backwards for those kids just charged enough to cover my expenses. Even watched their kid when they were whinning about daycare prices.
    Never once got the full rent most times got nothing at all. My husband is feeling pretty sick about it right now because I started telling him early on that they were tucking it to us. He loves the little girl. Was her dad so I shut up. Little girl is gone and there is a 25 year old woman who lies like hell.
    Funny out of all the things missing or wrecked he's ranting about a stainless milk pail he's had forever. Used to be his job to hand milk the heifers if the power was out. All he could talk about was the gallons of milk he lugged with that bucket to the tank.

    I can't find most of the iris. Grass is too thick and they mowed the lawn several times with some big deck mower they borrowed from the landscape company the husband worked for. Just flattened everything. The plants would have withstood weeds for a season or two.

    I potted up my hardy hibiscus. Was my grandmother's plant. I play russian roulette with the frost with it every year. I'm at the very edge of it's hardiness range. It doesn't appear until the first week of june here. Figured I could keep it going inside somehow. Already starting to go dormant. Most of it was dog killed anyway.

    The cover on the well was open too. No idea how long it was like that. Should be full of frogs now.
    I dumped a jug of bleach in and pulled it shut.
    They even managed to kill the gooseneck loosestrife that grew around the well.

    Need some garbage bags and I'm off.
    Had to alternate different acids to get the tubs white again.

    I've got a pan of very sorry little iris nubs soaking, some daff bulbs too.

    I'm so darn mad it took me an hour of pacing back and forth at the place before I could get with it.

    There's a stream that runs out of the pond most of the year. Debris was just dumped over the bank into the stream bed.

    Forget most of my more delicate plants. Most are dog food.
    When I served them with the eviction papers the kid was feeding one of the disgusting dogs fish from my pond alive.

    I can't budge the damn snowmobile. I can see iris sticking out from under it.

  • anneow
    18 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Suenh--I'll be glad to send you a box of extras next spring. I have more than I have room for anyway. I'll send you my list and you can just choose what you want. Anne

  • iris_gal
    18 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I too will share any of my iris next spring. As well as daffodils. I think I even have Gooseneck Loosestrife to send.

    I wish I could buy the place and turn it back into what it was. I know you didn't ask but I agree with Sylvia. You need to be able to deduct the costs of repair. Or have an estimate of what value was lost in the real estate market.

  • ljrmiller
    18 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Suenh--I hate to say it, but it reeks of meth use to me, especially the tools vanishing. I didn't know about that stuff when I married my husband, but after about 6 years I figured out that all the "lost" tools were hocked for money to buy drugs. By then I'd left him.

    Iris Gal is right--you should document, and keep receipts for every single repair you do to the property, or get it appraised in the new condition. In either case, you can deduct it as a loss on rental income (plus the court costs for eviction) if you choose to repair it--and I believe that the losses can exceed the income so that you can continue to deduct against your "regular" income OR you can declare it a capital loss when you sell.

    Lisa

  • rootedinreadyville
    18 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I'm sorry that you've had to go through such a hard row. I imagine this is really heart-wrenching for your husband as he loves and remembers the little girl she once was.

    I have lots of named daylilies and would be happy to send you some. Sounds like you've got your hands full right now, but keep my email address: beamscm@heartoftn.net and email me this spring when you are ready to plant and I'll be glad to send you a package with several gorgeous ones. I have lots of different pinks, and most all the other colors too.

    I see that you're getting alot of advise to sue her and I know that's a very difficult decision to make. Probably I would not do that because it will likely cause more pain in this situation for your husband. No matter what our children do, we still tend to love them, and when they do bad things, we tend to internalize it and think we are somehow to blame, even if that really isn't the case.

    Kindness given to those that don't deserve it is like heaping coals of fire on top of their heads. It brings conviction to them, and peace and contentment to us. Forgiveness heals and softens hard hearts.

    I keep reminding myelf that love is also tough. I'm trying to accomplish a balance with my own boys and it is really hard to do consistently.

    They both moved out of my house but still think mom's checkbook should be an extension of their own. I've decided that the way that I can help them best is by NOT helping!


    Cathy

  • suenh
    Original Author
    18 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I was so very tempted to get the cedar fence post by the shed and roll the snowmobile down the bank and off my iris. Figured why stoop to that. Besides my husband thinks he can make it run well enough for my daughter to play in the field. Don't think it will ever be a distance machine.

    Don't think it's Meth. I don't see the physical signs. There is a big problem here that the police are just starting to recognize. Heroine too has made a strong come back (something I was warning them about constantly in my final years as a cop but nobody listened) Last summer a car full of speed freaks totalled my car. No insurance of course. Both are currently in jail for drug violations. My insurance paid off all but $500. Car was kind of full of crayon and kid goo from my daughter. Fortunately my daughter wasn't hurt. No chance at all I'd ever see my money again.

    The girl's husband got it into his head at one point that he was going to work for the Dept. of Corrections. Passed the oral and interviews and drug test. Couldn't pass the physical agility. I found this very odd. The pt test isn't hard. I could pass it at 46 and smoking. It's mostly to check if you are in reasonable shape so if you get into a tussle with an inmate you won't drop dead. He was 24 and working at a lumber mill and had been working for a landscape company before that. Should have been pretty buff. Took the test 3 times and each time failed. Doesn't make sense. However I'm finding lots of really large beer cans around. Not tons but ones forgotten in the woods and out around where he was working on his machines. Lot of boxes from custom bike shops shipped here stuck in the shed. There's my rent money. New cell phone boxes, new computer boxes, looks like a lot of shopping went on very recently.

    Found part of my cabinet. Was being used as a ramp for motorcycles. Ruined of course. My husband is going to see if he can get a one of his corrections buddies who is a good carpenter to come down and make the counter and cabinet look less horrendous. They weren't fancy, very country. The kitchen had kind of odd space too work with and factory cabinets just weren't right. The kitchen part of the house began it's life as a storage shed for the house next door. Lot of rough barn boards and the cabinets kind of looked like mini barn doors. I bought it as a summer camp from it's next owner and added on as my family grew. I've owned this place since I was 23 years old. Really breaking my heart.

    In the kitchen there were two lofts on either side. I used to use them for storage because the only way up was to grab a ladder. They cut a hole through the ceiling to one loft and made 2x4 stairs. Not a bad idea in itself but you don't cut holes into a home your renting. Thing is real rough but functional. Maybe a coat of paint and some finish wood. I don't know.

    I have a child, I have 2 dogs. Have a bunch of horses. I never let the kids just run through and mash things. The dogs were kept under control. Not saying accidents didn't happen. Actually happened pretty often but spaced out enough were my plants could recover. Pulled my knome out of the pond yesterday. He was on a big boulder in the middle of the pond in bed of creeping phlox that would drape over and into the water. Mud and cigarette butts there now.

    Got tired of cleaning yesterday and tried to find some of my daff bulbs in the beds. I can't find one. There were daffodils all over the yard. Every bed had literally hundreds and in some cases thousands. Nothing named or fancy. Most were oldies from my grandmothers garden and old aunts. Can't even find a rotted one. I can't imagine that $%W@%! dogs ate them all. Thought a little digging in the dirt might relax me, that backfired bad. Every shovel full should have brought up a bulb or 10.

    My yellow climbing rose is dead. Just twigs. Undermined by dogs. Roses are so hard to grow here. Only a few can take it. Canes chewed, roots chewed.

    I really need to put blinders on and just clean up the crap.

    You know they even managed to kill most of the psued that lived around the pond. I didn't have the heart to kill it all when it became a banned plant. Pretty amazing accomplishment. That stuff is one tough plant. Maybe I should rent these people out to various wetlands boards around the continent. It's still there but down to a third of what it was. Another season and they would have done it. Something not even Monsanto and Dow Chemical can do.

    Sueing them would feel good. Limits of small claims in this state is $5,000. I'm already over that just in rent alone. I doubt very much if I'd ever see anything. $35 to file and another $35 everytime I needed to get the court to order them to pay. Think I'd be throwing more money down the hole. However... It might put the kids on notice that this isn't the way people live. I could easily prosecute a small claims case myself. Kick it to Superior court? I might be able to deal with it. Getting a little out of my league but they allow a layman a lot of leeway. Little more money in fees. I did find one of his pay stubs. Stuffed it in my pocket just in case.

    Not going to get much out of my husband except plain old grunt work on this. He's heartbroken. Kind of gone silent on me. Over the fireplace mantel is a picture of the girl with a big bunch of ballons all smiles at disneyland. She's about 9 years old in the picture. That's what he's remembering.

    I think I should just take the tax write off and leave it. I'm just so hopping mad at this point.

    Then there is this other bizarre observation. I found 2 big trash bags full of nice baby boy clothes, small infant. There is no baby that I know of. I often watched their girl because they always whinned how much daycare was. I have this horrible image of an infant being left to lay with the dogs while they are at work. Kind of freaks me out. If I tell the police or youth services they would think I'm nuts. Icky thought. They were letting some person live in the back bedroom. I had to really get harsh to get a name out of them. I wonder if he had a baby. Never saw the guy. Another one of those annoyance points.
    Nice baby clothes, I'll take it to the church next time I head to town. Somebody can use them.

  • sylviatexas1
    18 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Here, you *must* make a police report to claim loss.

    I think the logic is that, if you didn't file a police report, then you accepted the destruction & you allowed them to get away with not paying rent, & therefore, it was a gift & not a loss.

    You might check to see if your insurance covers vandalism.

    and I'd take those baby clothes to CPS & tell them exactly how I came to have them.

    2 birds with 1 stone:
    CPS never has enough clothes & supplies for their little ones, & if they think the situation is "weird", they can have it investigated.

  • mshadow
    18 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Sue, this is really a shame on them. I know how heartbreaking it is, as I had a similar situation happen to me with the house my mom left to the kids when she passed away. The house will never be the same as I remember it when mom was living there. It really hurts to see a place that you loved and had so many wonderful memories of turn into a dump. The worst part is that it was done by "family." I could go to court, but it wouldn't change anything, the damage is done. From the way it sounds, if you sue, you probably won't get anything out of it anyway but a lot of aggravation and more cost to you. I agree with some of the posts above, I would document everything and write it off. My thoughts are with you.

    Shadow

  • suenh
    Original Author
    18 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Not getting much done. Need to get the garbage out of there. Husband got called into work. Not sure if he will be back anytime soon either. Flooding is bad in southern part of the state. Guard has been activated. Lot of the corrections officers are in the guard. Lot of them are already in Iraq and LA. Was so bad at the prison today when they called they had one of the prison cooks watching a unit. No other help responding. Makes my problems look real trivial.

    Imagine, the chow hall chef watching convicted felons.

    Chickens scratched up a few of my sorry little iris nubs. Not good but there were already tiny little new root nubs showing! Maybe there's hope.

    Pointless to sue them. Very hard here to get paychecks attached. Would be the only way to get it. Did find more paperwork on various welfare agencies and copies of paystubs and income info. They made the rounds and got money from just about everywhere. Maybe I'll just give the state a heads up. You can live pretty high on the hog when you don't have any housing costs. State has ways of getting their money back. Interestingly enough the address on all the apps isn't correct. No such road number. Cell phone # given as contact. There is no service here, doesn't work until you get about 10 miles down the road. Just a little bit of revenge.
    Also know where they are. Not 2 miles from here. Not even smart enough to hide a bit.

    Here is a link that might be useful: flooding pics NH

  • mysticmoon
    18 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    HOLY COW what is the world coming to when family even onces considered family an bahave like this. One day they will regret their stupidity and then it will be too late. Just imagine what they are teaching their kid. I cant even fatham what she thinks of all that. It does brought tears to my eyes ready most of this. I am struggling to make a nice garden my kids are all trying to help when needed and when not needed. My daughter thinks that when she sees me dead head and spread the seeds everywhere that she needs to help when I am not looking most damage she has done. I am thankfull that is all she does. Now of course my doggies two of which are puppies still do more a few dug up here and there but a fence helped. Now I planted grass and have it all fenced off lol. I wish we could all come over and do a cleaning and digging up party for you. Not only would it go faster but you would not have to be mad while doing it all yourself. I pray it all goes well from now on out. Is there any friends that would be willing to come help?
    I hope you find the bulbs at least a good portion of them so you can take them to your house for safe growing.
    Take care and try to have a better week
    Toni

  • suenh
    Original Author
    18 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Let your daughter "help" in the garden. Latter in life it will all be worth it.
    Many times I moaned about missing tags or would pop my head out the door to see the kids pollenating daylilies on their own and taking no note of crosses. Still better than playing video games all day or hanging in the mall. My daughter grew ornamental gourds this year and is selling them in front of the house. Took some to school for a fall basket raffle. She's got a couple of daylily seedlings out in the garden that she takes real pride in. She helps me plant things. It's a hobby that will last a lifetime. Not hanging out downtown or at the mall. She's 13 now. Just noticing boys but she still gardens. She will always garden. Maybe she won't be a borderline fanatic like me but she will grow things.

    Personally I find it comforting at this stage that she would rather dig potatos and ride her pony than hang out with the boys.

    Going to get my kid off to school and steal husbands truck. Few big things of mine still over there I need to move. Horse drawn plow and cultivator and a 1950's formica table that I think I can restore. Table is another thing that pissed me off. Was thrown out the back door and left. Chrome is getting rusty but the top is still like new. I think that a nice can of blue rustoleum will perk the thing up. No counters in this old farm and I need the work space. Gotta admire the quality of the table. I've got a wood table now with a formica top. It's a fraction of the age and doesn't look anywhere near as nice. The materials just aren't holding up. Kind of like old garden iris vs. modern ones.

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