I think being there daily even hourly during the framing stage is one of the most important things. Our framer was fantastic and gave us a lot of great ideas. Had we not been there he would have just moved on without us ever knowing what we were missing. We were able to add 100+ sf to our house for $10.00 sf plus it gave is nicer curb appeal.

Focus your efforts on things that cannot be changed. Things that are probably going to be there forever. Like brick, driveways, decks, patios, cabinets and drywall.

Don't stress too much about all of the things that can be replaced. Lights, carpet, paint, door knobs etc... Although I would have hated to have to change things as soon as I moved in, it gave me a peace of mind knowing that I could if I had to. My lights fiasco is a good example of that. I fretted over my choices and I like them. But in the end, IF I didn't I could have changed them with much less effort than losing sleep and freaking out.

Give the builder a chance, if competent. This is really important. Early on I/we pointed out everything to the builder that we saw daily. After a while we realized that we didn't need to do that. We probably drove her nuts. Allow non-important things to be wrong for a while to give the builder a chance to fix it. (keep a list so you don't forget) Did you see my post about stopping work? I panicked and dang near had a breakdown about a million things the last 2 weeks of building. My builder took care of everything. Once again I worried for nothing.

My builder gave the best advice in the beginning and I'll pass it on to you. "Building a home can be as fun or as miserable as you make it" There is a lot of truth in that statement.

Oh, and one more thing. Plan a couple weekend vacations...just to get away from it all.

We know we're over the edge sometimes but we keep track of everything. We purchased a digital camera just for the housebuilding and it has been great. We'd check the house out on the weekends and then discuss things with the contractor weekly. If we felt we had a critical problem we'd call him. He returns calls twice each day. Here's what we found. There were some things used/done differently because of misunderstandings. He changed them to what we wanted. There were some features missing because he forgot (like the medicine cabinet built into the wall) and again he fixed them. Some things were different because he decided he didn't like the way it was on the plans. Our architect used 2x4's for the porch roof framing and he said he does not use 2x4's for that type of framing. Never did we find that he did something differently in order to save himself money or time. But because we followed everything we knew it and just didn't hope for it. Could he have done some things that we didn't catch- sure. But that hasn't been our experience with him.

So take lots of pictures especially of detail in plumbing and electric. If the framing has engineered features take pictures of each bracket etc. Go over the house carefully when no work is being done and then discuss the project's progress and any questions with the GC on a regular basis.

It's your house now even though it's still being built. Tom

I hope readers don't think that it's normal to be so dog gone dramatic about every cigarette butt, spider and rusty nail that are found on a construction site. The conversations around here lately have nothing to do with building, but with people reacting to building. This used to be a good resource for technical information regarding products and methods used in building. Now, instead of advertisements for building products we should just have Pfizer or someone advertising "the purple pill" or whatever today's favorite flavor of anti-depressant is.

My advice to ANYONE getting into a new build is;

1. Do not get emotional about this thing. It's business.
2. Make sure your GC knows he is the quality control guy. Don't rely on municipal inspections alone. If you do not have faith in your GC, hire your own inspector/engineer to check things out along the way.
3. Enough with the dog gone dates already. The weather, tradesmen and suppliers have plans for Christmas, too. They're likely making them in a house that's ALREADY BUILT! (Honestly, I have never been so mad, nor so near tears outside of a funeral as I was in dealing with my wife wanting to have "this" holiday or "that" holiday in our house. There's a stinking hole in the ground that I have to fill with hundreds of thousands of dollars. I could care less whose oven has a bird in it in November. I DON'T EVEN HAVE AN OVEN YET!!!)

4. Kiss your husband and tell him you're sorry. If you're in this site, and you're building, or planning to build, there's a good chance you've done something house design/build related that has made him cross in the last week. Go make up for it!

Are you joking, bungeeii?!
I completely agree with the first part of your posting...this site did provide a lot of good technical information before. The most technical discussions these days typically revolve around house design rather than building. I do tend to like the contract and financing types of questions though!
#4...maybe my husband should kiss me and say he's sorry!! ;)

dixiedoodle: Amen to that. I'm doing all the work and worry and trying to hold an emotional man together at times. All he can think about is when the land will be graded so he can get his new woodworking shop (toy) erected. If I hear "are we there yet?" one more time....

Bungeeii, "Oh no you didn't!"(Finish with finger snaps and head bobbing!). I bet if your wife read #4, she would instantly vomit. She probably would tell you to kiss well, something else. LOL!! But at least she may have made you cross only once in the week. DH's usually make us wives cross once a day. LOL!

Good luck--boy are you going to need it! Bahhhaaa haaa!Thanks for the laugh!

Hey, sounds like I made a good choice in editing out the estrogen references!

Are you kidding me??? "don't get emotional, its a business". What a backwards way of looking at it. I like to think its building someone a home, not "just a business". I don't think a builder would have much success with that attitude.

Pinktoes, I think Charliedawg had some pretty helpful insight. I'm really thankful for all my nitpicking in the house siting, grading, tree clearing, framing. Those items make up the bulk of getting the "big picture" right. After that, most things will fall into place pretty well.

To tell you the truth though, I would be the same way if building again. Building is a one time shot. Watch things as closely as makes you comfortable.

Bungeeii-
Aw come on, be nice.....For some of us it works the other way around.LOL!! Although, I also have to agree. This site used to be full of great advice and PICTURES! Ilove the pictures, but now I'm hearing alot of whining. BUT- this is off topic.

Pinktoes-
I agree with most of the above. Pick your battles, make as many of your selections ahead of time if possible and bear in mind that nothing(and I do mean nothing!) is perfect and mistakes can be made. Yes, this is Your house, but find a GC you can trust to look out for your best interests and one who takes pride in his work and it will turn out fine-even if it's not EXACTLY what you had in mind.

And finally, I you want to have a DH/DW to come home to at the end of the build, BE NICE!!LOL

Best of luck to you! With any luck, we will be moving in at the first of november-WOO-HOO!!

Sandy

for the most part, i agree bungeeii.

It is a business and you should try to keep emotions out of it.

While the GC should be the quality control, in the end YOU should be the quality control. It is your house make sure it is up to snuff.

I wish my wife were feeling better so I could get some special stress relief. DAMN MORNING SICKNESS! !

"I wish my wife were feeling better so I could get some special stress relief. DAMN MORNING SICKNESS! !"

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You boys are killing me tonight! UGH!!! All my sympathy...to the spouse with the morning sickness! LOL!!

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Good luck Pinktoes! You are doing a good job of researching and preparing.

I totally agree...it is a business. Always has been- always will be. Sadly that's for everyone except those that plan to actually "LIVE" in the finished product!

Pink, I almost forgot the most important decision to make. Beer or wine? If you don't drink.....start. LOL

mikeyvon, I believe the special stress relief is what got her in the morning sickness situation in the first place, is it not?;-) Be nice.

tragusa3: You said

"Building is a one time shot. Watch things as closely as makes you comfortable."

I have a dilemma about that. The whole thing makes me uncomfortable. The idea of watching it closely creates enormous anxiety (what will I find that I'm better off not knowing about?! will I know what I'm looking at?) And, the idea of letting my builder do his thing and not watching it closely makes me nervous (what if they stuff dead bodies inside the walls and I don't find out till later? what if they let an apprentice's helper's visiting cousin who speaks no English but pretends he understands do the framing?).

I can see myself sitting on site, with my 2 volumes of JLC's Field Guide, my (rather detailed) Specs from the builder's contract, and my Lstiburek's Builder's Guide to Mixed-Humid Climates. In my car, hardhat at hand, steel-toed/puncture resistant soled work shoes on my feet. Looking at diagrams and repeatedly reading explanations hoping I will recognize something in the books that I actually see going up on my land.

Oh, and here in the melting pot, our G.C. said that 26 languages were spoken on his last project. Not unusual. I had planned to learn Spanish, and do have a manual of jobsite terms in that language. But apparently I'm way behind. Although, I shouldn't plan to interrupt the workers anyway. I'll just use my cell phone to call the G.C. or his project manager (if he's not onsite where I want him to be at all hours) and mumble that things don't look right.

And like that. Or, I could take up drinking and watch HGTV till my build is all over and pray what I don't know won't hurt me. I'm seeking The Middle Way here and trying to define it for myself now, so I do very much appreciate all your suggestions.

Congrats Mickey! We're 3 months to go ourselves. While some things don't happen as much as they did leading up to pregnancy, I must say that eating like a pig has been nice the past few months. Of course, I look as pregnant as my wife now, but that's another matter.

As far as overseeing is concerned...

I don't think the natural place for the homeowner is to be the QC person. It's best to have an objective professional in that position. We should understand what I'm saying here, though. We're not just talking about how well the joints fit on the oak trim or where the lights are offset. There are a myriad of construction issues that must be closely looked at before the finish items are put in place.

Now, you, the homeowner, will have oodles of things to look at and make decisions about. It's best you be concerned with what you want and where you want, allowing the GC and/or your inspector to handle the "go / no-go" on the actual work. I'm NOT saying that the homeowner should altogether be out of the picture, just that on resolving issues of construction, the homeowner would do best to have an advocate. If the trust and relationship isn't there with the GC, hire someone to help on matters that we homeowners just do not have the knowledge or respect to handle.

Also, do not underestimate the importance of "knowing what you want and where you want it". The building process is either 0 miles per hour or 100. It's never 50. If you're not prepared for the decisions @ 100mph you're gonna cause trouble. If you have a GC you trust to handle construction items, you can focus on the stuff that you absolutely need to handle, like picking out/ordering finish items. This is not a small job and will directly impact the finish feel of the home. Do not expect that you can pick everything out in a day. Do not expect that your exact picture in your head will pan out. You will be making adjustments that directly impact everyone on the job. If you're convinced that you need to be on the job as the GC, then these other duties that only you can perform will suffer.

bungeeii, you make good points about oversight and making decisions.

I guess I always look at it from my perspective as owner-builder and I do have to be the quality control plus make all of the decisions.

I do try to let me sub (foundation guy) do his thing. I go up twice a day while he is working and make sure we are on the same page. He calls if he has questions or gets stuck on what to do. I do not like people looking over my shoulder second guessing everything I do, I try to give that same courtesey. He knows his stuff and the best way to handle it, I just care about the end result.

Bungeii said: "I hope readers don't think that it's normal to be so dog gone dramatic about every cigarette butt, spider and rusty nail that are found on a construction site. The conversations around here lately have nothing to do with building, but with people reacting to building. This used to be a good resource for technical information regarding products and methods used in building."

Wow, that is so interesting you said that. Because I haven't been on here for months (got into other things while the market went wacky) but came back because I STILL am involved wih buiding (helping a friend right now). And I was thinking the exact SAME thing . . . what happened? In 2003, there was A LOT of technical stuff on this board, but then there were A LOT of GCs and Owner-Builders here as well -- slowly, (after reading some of the archived posts) I realized that the audience as become more of a "building with a GC" experience. Not that that's bad or anything . . . it's just a different audience. I guess when you are on the sidelines WATCHING te build, without having control over the build it can make one nervous (I know I'm more nervous when I'm not activel doing things.)

So basically, I just chalked it up to more people watching the situation (those more time to blow things up in their mind cause the actual hands-on isn't there) than people DOING the situation (which the owner-builder types are so exhausted they have little time to ruminate and allow their emotions to build up.)

But, I'm really glad someone else sees the different. I thought it was just me.

rosalindmw- I'm sure that there will be other posters who agree with your entire post, but I am not one of them. I don't believe that stress levels or anxiety over a build is tied to "watching" vs "doing".
The first part of your posting was fine, but the second is pretty condescending to those of us who do have a GC. More time to blow things up in our mind?!

Well said Dixie. I was thinking the same thing.

It looks like garden web has adapted to the current trend. I don't see anything wrong with that. If, or should I say when, people ask technical questions they get technical responses. It's basic supply and demand.

For me, the stewing comes from lack of knowledge, and I have really tried to learn all I can. It doesn't come from not having my hands on the nailgun. If I were an owner-builder there would still be a number of things out of my control, plus I would have a million MORE details and schedules and stuff to stew over. I know I would be more stressed out as an owner-builder. There's not enough Prozac in the world to see me through that.

I've only been around the forum a few months. I see it as both an information source and a--don't throw things at me--a support group. When you're building/having a house built there are so few people you can talk to about the technical parts or the general process and how you can best handle it. This forum walks that middle line very well to me.

I don't know what it was like previously. When I want very technical info. I look it up in reference books and I may also go to a pro board and ask a question. I can't imagine that an owner-builder would build her house based on a few comments on a general forum like this. Perhaps get steered in a direction to learn more, or get tips on a supplier or something. If that's what was happening previously, I'm quite amazed.

I'm very happy with what I get here. I don't have much to contribute, but since my house isn't even underway yet, I hope that later on I will be able to help the next group coming along. Sure don't want them to take my single experience and go engineer their foundation based on it! But some more general information, yes.

Pinktoes, I relate to the need for knowledge. I learned as much as I could before and during the build because the details mattered to me. What I discovered, however, was that my builder was not interested in my knowledge or what I had learned, he just wanted to know what light fixtures I had chosen and what color to paint. He had been building houses for x-number of years and I wasn't going to change his mind or his methods. I can understand his position and I guess maybe I'd feel the same way if I were in his shoes, so please understand I'm not being critical. The fact is that I felt like I was banging my head against the wall quite a bit because I really wanted to have my hands in the nitty gritty details. If that's what you want... and it sounds like it is... then you need to have clear conversations with builders to determine who is willing to work with you on that level and who isn't.

Dixie wrote: The first part of your posting was fine, but the second is pretty condescending to those of us who do have a GC. More time to blow things up in our mind?!

Okay, didn't mean to be condescending at all. I know for a fact that when I'm watching things progress, it seems like it is taking FOREVER, and it feels like I could do it so much faster.

Yet, when I'm doing the thing . . . it's going much slower (yeah, people have timed me and it is going much slower) but I'm so involved in it, I'm not looking at this or that problem . . . I'm just doing. Stuff I KNOW I would be having a fit about if I was watching other people do it -- it "I'm" doing it, I kind of say . . . well, I'll deal with it later - I have THIS to do now.

I wasn't putting down anyone else . . . it's something that "I" do. Things get bigger and more complicated in my head the more I ruminate on it. And sometimes, if I have enough time and energy, I blow it all out of proportion. It's just that I CARE about it so much. AND, I have to time to blow it out of proportion. But when I was busy (and exhausted) from physically building (or doing whatever) the SAME stuff would happen and I'd look at it and say, "Ah, I don't have time to deal with that." Or "I'll deal with it tomorrow after I get some rest."

Seriously, I've seen this in many other situations (besides building) If we have the time to worry. We worry, we worry too much, when it's not helping at all. (I am just as guilty and ANYONE -- maybe more so -- in doing this)

Not trying to be condescending at all, just noticed that it is something we all experience given the situations.