We all know to do self checks regularly. We all know to go to our yearly exams and do our annual mammograms. But honestly, how careful are we? How often do we put it off a month or two. After reading this I challenge all of you to "check your breasts".

I used to have really lumpy breasts and knew all the lumps well. After breastfeeding two babies all the tissue changes, actually disappeared. So then I had easy time knowing what was normal and what was not. Last few years I knew that the area on my right breast was normal. Every yearly exam I discussed how my breasts have changed over the years.

2006 I had my first mammogram. June 2009 they called me back to recheck my left. Nothing there even after a sonogram. Must have been shadowing. They make you come back in 6mo for a recheck. So end of December I called to schedule. I figured since I was there they should double check the right. I think my lump is the same but why not check it to be sure.

1/4 So doc feels it and says it feels weird. Feels like normal tissue but still a little odd. Lets do a biopsy. My dh is in medicine and he said same thing. Does not feel like typical cancer, not really that hard and somewhat freefloating.

1/7 new mammogram and sonogram indicate still nothing on left but that lump on right is highly suspicious.

1/11 biopsy performed. Sonogram of lymph nodes show they are really tiny. If I do have cancer and it is in nodes it would be very minor if at all.

1/15 I take lunchbreak to get results. My dh met me there. The wait was horrible. I could hardly drive. I could not take a solid breath. Once I got the results I literally could breathe again. It was weird. I have a tumor about 2cm in my right breast. Doc handed me a slip with a bunch of surgeon names on it and told me to get a surgeon. Pretty abrupt to say the least. I went back to work, I am not one to sit and pout, and told dh to go home and find me a doctor.

1/25 I met my surgeon. We discussed my having an MRI to rule out anything on the left and make sure we had all on the right figured out.

1/29 my MRI is clear, nothing but the mass already known. I can now have my surgery, hopefully 2/4 or 2/5.

My husband, who actually should be an oncologist as it is his favorite medical field but is stuck working on kidneys, suspects that I will have a lumpectomy and hopefully no nodes or just a few out. I will probably have chemo until August and then radiation thougth October. The recurrence rate decreases significantly for my case with chemo so it is almost a given.

Looking at the past mammograms my mass clearly is visible. Why they focused on my left and did not address the findings on the right back in June 2009 we do not know. The radiologist this month says that in retrospect he felt the mass was definitly there since 2006 but he honestly felt that the changes over the years was not necessarily something one would notice. My dh does not read mammograms daily but says that he can clearly see the changes year to year, especially the last two. What we will do with this will have to wait until later but it had made me think about things very differently.

My radiologist said that he welcomes anyone wanting to discuss results but most never do. He was happy to go over all my results and invited my husband in too, even for the biopsy.

What I would like to pass on here is this:

Ask to review your past written report to the present. Ask to have the radiologist take a minute to explain what is ok in your films. When I looked at mine I noticed changes. He was able to explain why they did not look suspicious and what did. It took a few minutes of his time and he was happy to do it.

Check yourself regularly. Mention every lump and bump to your obgyn. If anything feels even slightly hard within the year go back in. It is worth the copay. After they told me I was only authorized to go back for the left and would have to go back to my ob for a referral to have the right looked at I almost decided to just wait til June 2010 because I figured it wasn't redflagged back in June. Because of how fast mine grew since June 2009, waiting until June 2010 I would have been dealing with a greater level tumor and my survival and recurrence rates would be much scarier. I would be looking at a mastectomy, probably a double.

Why am I posting something we all have to worry about when we are close to 50?

I am 43. I have no family history. I never smoked. I breastfed two kids. I have limited factors that would explain this cancer. I have three older sisters, two neices and one beautiful daughter. My dad had prostrate cancer 11yrs ago which is not directly related to breast cancer but my brother now has to worry about breast cancer because of our dad and now me. I am going to ask for the test to see if I have the gene. If I do they all need to know. It would be really important to my dd because my dh's mom dies of breast cancer, but she also had lung cancer first.

This is so surreal right now. I have not shed one tear out of fear. For me this is nothing to cry about. I mostly cry when I worry about my dh or the thought of not being able to go to my dd's softball game if she makes it to the nationals this August.

Luckiest thing for me is that I have an amazing dh. He loves me so unconditionally, March will be our 21st anniversary. His knowledge of oncology/hemotology is amazing. Because I will treat at the hospital he works at I sometimes wonder if after all this he will end up getting a job offer in that departement.

I do not necessarily believe in fate but I wonder if maybe we were destined to meet so we could be together to travel this path together. There were a few moments when I almost passed on staying together. I married my highschool sweetheart and after leaving him after 15mos I immediatly dated my dh. I worried about jumping into the frying pan way too fast. I thought about stepping away. Then someone asked me something that changed my life. Why would I want to see what else is out there when I already had it all right in front of me, meaning my dh? I immediatly went home and before I could say anything my dh took me in his arms and told me that he understood my uncertainty and that if I wanted to go he would understand. It was that exact moment I fell in love with him. I cried and told him that I would never leave him, I was right where I belonged. We finally said we loved each other. One moment in time that changed the course of both our lives.

And now we face this cancer together. It may be in my body but it is ours. I could not imagine facing this with anyone else. I look forward to growing old together and facing whatever else comes our way.

So, please, everyone, check yourself and ask to see your radiologist. It is your body, your test results, your life. Wish me a relatively smooth recovery. Live your life. Eat dessert first!