I just celebrated my 50th--went to Santa Fe and spent the day on the side of a mountain, contemplating my life.

I've never been to a party anyone threw for themselves, but I've considered it. If you like to party, I'd go for it! If I had any idea when I was going to check out, I would throw a "bon voyage" party beforehand and skip the funeral.

Thanks for your comments. I'm still debating whether or not to do it at all -- I'm afraid nobody would come (already busy, too far, etc.) That's the story of my life these days.... :-(

Demi....I celebrated my 50th in Santa Fe also.....went to dinner at Pink Adobe and the Opera ( think it was Abduction From the Seraglio) and afterward to Casa Sena....where the opera singers sang Happy Birthday....and I was presented with a gooey chocolatey hunk of cake.
I was such a young whipper-snapper them!! LOL!
Linda C

I think it is a great idea. She told everyone "no birthday gifts to me," but if they wanted to do something they could donate to a charity dear to her heart, a program which purchases and sends children's vitamins to 3rd world countries. She collected quite a bit, and I think the guests felt pretty good about those donations.

I'll be 50 next year, and I may very well have a party. Why not?

If you are worrying that people will think you are fishing for gifts, I think that it is all in HOW you do it, not WHETHER. Obviously, you do NOT include any hints or worst of all wish or registry lists. You could write "no gifts please," because although etiquette forbids it (because ANY mention of gifts is forbidden), it certainly isn't greedy or pushy. But as one poster pointed out, many people will buy gifts anyway. I wouldn't assume it's because they are thinking "Oh, yeah, right, I know I AM expected to buy a gift anyway." I think they WANT to buy you a gift. After all, it's your 50th birthday -- party or not, I bet most of your good friends would like to buy you a gift.

Your guest list is the key, in my opinion. Invite people who know you well enough to know you are giving a party to celebrate, not as a fund-raiser for yourself.

For my 40th birthday, I had a semi-surprise party: I knew there would be a party, and when, but my husband and friend made all the plans. (It was really fun -- a sort of a treasure hunt all around town, with the clues being questions from my favorite word game that the teams of four had to solve, then either get the artifact suggested by the answer or do the activity it named -- which sometimes required getting strangers involved, to form a square dance, for example -- which they had to prove with a Polaroid picture. Afterward was supper, comparing the results of the hunt, and giving out prizes.) They didn't put "no gifts" on the invitation, and people did bring gifts (or gave them to me another time). But I don't think it was a problem -- anyway, I hope not (how would I know? People are too polite to tell you something like that! But I have been to others' birthday parties and haven't heard anyone complain about this). Most of the guests were people who would've given me a 40th birthday gift anyway, and the gifts weren't big -- perhaps a picture frame, CD, or a book, or a donation to charity. That's pretty much what you'd spend on a hostess gift if you were invited to dinner for a non-birthday party, isn't it?

The point is, I think people worry too much about this. If they want to give you a gift, they will no matter what you do. It's not terrible to give a gift -- it's fun!

If I have a party next year, I probably will handle this by not mentioning "birthday" (or "anniversary" -- our 25th is the same month as my 50th birthday) on the invitation. Just "please come to a party."

Honestly, I love a party. And I think any reason to have one is a good reason! Why not celebrate a milestone with a great party. I wouldn't worry too much about people not coming -- some will and some won't that's just how parties go. If you have a couple of special friends whom you really want to be there, you might firm up the date with them before sending out invitations but aside from that, you just have to send them out and enjoy the company of the folks who are able to come.

As far as the no gifts thing goes, well yeah, people pretty much ignore that. I like the idea of saying something like "in lieu of gifts please donate to xyz charity" -- then folks who want to donate will, those who want to donate AND give a gift will, and those who want to do neither will not feel bad about it.

Jenn, people will come!! You could have an open house which would make it more flexible for people to drop in. Or just invite a few close friends who you think will come and have a smaller gathering.

Thanks everyone. I LOVE the open house idea too for the reasons mentioned and no doubt my closest friends will stay and linger. I also really like the idea about donations to a charity, I had already thought of that. So many needy people and I don't need anything I can't buy. What I really don't want are gag gifts -- I have nowhere to store them! :-)

Thanks for the encouragement and your suggestions. I welcome any and all ideas and suggestions.

Jen

Question I know this is an old posting but if anyone is out there I'm wondering is it okay to invite friends and family to meet you at a favorite club and everyone pay for their own dinner & drinks or is that tacky?

Well, for a 50th birthday party, yes, I'd say it is.

I mean, friends can suggest getting together and going out any time, and everyone just pays for themselves. And that works fine too if it's your birthday. In my circle of friends, that's what we often do for an "off year" birthday, and usually we treat the birthday boy/girl. So if you're talking about just a few close friends and relatives, you can do this, if it's the custom in that group. I don't know whether it is in your group, but presumably you know.

But a party for a large group, and you're sending invitations? You pay. You can keep your offerings simple, but if you are inviting people to a party, you can't charge admission, as it were.

And for sure if it is for an occasion like a 50th birthday where they might bring gifts -- absolutely, don't also expect them to to pay for their own meals.

Scale your plans down to what you can afford comfortably treat for.

Can you do such an event----- everyone pays their own way ---- without mentioning that it's your birthday? Don't tell a soul, have a great party, and enjoy. To say that it's a birthday party sounds like a gift grab, somehow like the bride throwing her own shower.

Your presence is my present! Also, I went to a wedding recently and they had a taco truck! It was brilliant! Each table had a different color and they served by the color, so it was very organized! Have fun! Nancy

You can't invite people to a party celebrating you....unless you are paying all the bills. Even then it's questionable. Many years ago, we were invited to a beautiful Sunday brunch at the Country Club. about 75 to 100 people were there. After an hour or so of greeting and standing around with bloody Marys and eventually being seated and served a beautiful brunch, the host stood up and found a microphone and thanked everyone for attending, and for being friends for so many years and supporting their kids etc....and said something like "we are pleased to have so many good friends today to celebrate 50 years of marriage and many many years of good times".
If you pay the bill....you can invite people...provided you don't announce before why you are hosting a party.

I'm turning 50, and, while my husband asked what I wanted a year ago, he hadn't moved on it by October. He asked me to plan it, and said he'd fund it, and he's kept his word. I'd done everything for his 50th, so I know he was expecting me to handle some of it, and now I get exactly what I want.

That said, the Big Day is next week, and I stupidly just realized that the event is going to be in the evening, and I don't really want all the lights on in the building. So what kind of lighting would be appropriate?

I was thinking flameless candles with pretty holders, because I'm not allowed to have open flame. Is that tacky?

The venue is a lakeside rustic climate-controlled enclosed pavilion, with windows overlooking the beach. It has a small simple stage, bathrooms, plus a decent kitchen with refrigerator and a wide pass-thru to dining area.

Not sure if the beach is viewable in the dark; I'm going to check on that tomorrow.