It's common where I grew up in waaaaay upstate NY. I do like the tradition of throwing the bouquet but I think the garter thing can get distasteful.

We did it at my wedding 25+ years ago but I would have been happy to skip it. The wedding planner, band, etc assumed that it would be done so I just went along.

A young high school girl caught my bouquet and one of DH's drunken college friends caught the garter. The girl's Dad was a good sport but did stand next to her the entire time. (edited to add this) DH's college friend was respectful and sweet to the girl. Thank goodness.

We recently attended an expensive, formal wedding in Newport, RI and the bouquet/ garter thing was also done.

This post was edited by deee on Sun, Jun 22, 14 at 8:48

In all my years and in all of the weddings I've attended, I've never seen the garter thrown nor the bouquet catcher subjected to anything other than congratulations. In fact, I've never even heard of the tradition you've described.

Ditto Fun2BHere. I have never heard of such a tradition. I live/lived in Los Angeles and a suburb of Portland, OR. I have been in many weddings and have attended more than I can remember. It sounds a bit vulgar to me (especially the audience encouraging the garter to inch up higher and higher). If someone had tried that on me, their life would actually have been cut shorter by 10 years :-)

I will add that I live in Western New York state. I know it sounds vulgar but I have never seen it get out of hand. Usually the guy is more embarrassed than the girl.

I am from England. Thankfully I had never heard of that tradition. The girl catching the bouquet was simply supposed to be the next to marry. The garter was traditionally worn by the bride under her wedding dress and remained there until removed by her new husband....in private!

The other 'wedding tradition' I personally dislike and never encountered in England is the mutual slapstick shoving of cake into their spouse's face by the newly weds! Wedding cakes used to be exquisite creations that inspired awe, not the desire to dispose of them in the most vulgar way.

OK so now I have truly exposed myself as a 'stuffy Brit'! Actually the weddings I attended were usually fun, and very funny at times, just not with the traditions debrak mentioned.

I've seen the garter removed from the bride's leg at a few weddings and can thankfully say NOT at the wedding of anyone I am related to or really care about! But I've never seen it put onto anyone else. I am sitting squarely in the stuffy corner with sis3 regarding garters and wedding cake. Get silly, do a conga line, dance like maniacs - do whatever makes the new couple happy - but end it when the activities begin to make ANYONE squirm.

Oh the cake thing. My husband and I didn't do it. Neither did this couple. Its usually up to the bride, LOL.

How about this tradition.... clanging on glasses until the couple kisses??? This really irritates me. At my wedding I got up and walked away. The clanging stopped. Another recent family wedding the bride and groom kissed a few times and then just stopped no matter how much clanging went on.

I'm really thinking the garter thing must be regional. I've seen it here is WNY all my life and all types of weddings, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, and Justice of the Peace. In fact I can't remember it not happening.

This post was edited by debrak2008 on Sat, Jun 21, 14 at 18:07

That sort of thing was very common where I grew up. But I know more than one person who's been to a wedding where the police had to be called, including one reception where the bride announced she was getting an annulment from the bandstand. Luckily I have never been to a reception quite like that.

We did the garter and bouquet toss at our wedding in Western NY. I was ambivalent about it, but DH really wanted us to do it, so we did. We did not have my niece who caught the bouquet put the garter on.

I always heard for every inch above the knee it was 10 years of married bliss for the bride and groom. As Debra mentioned, I don't think I've ever been to a WNY wedding where it wasn't done.

Very common in Maryland, where my daughter and son did the same thing at their weddings 20 years ago, and in Ohio where my husband and I did it over 50 years ago! Both of us have professional photo albums which include pictures of the event. I've HEARD of, but never seen, anyone actually smash the cake into their new spouse's face. The cutting and mutual first bite of the wedding cake is always another photo op for the albums as well.

This post was edited by redcurls on Sat, Jun 21, 14 at 22:23

It was a common tradition in Western PA where I was married 28 years ago. I did not participate. Personally, I would have been horrified to catch a bouquet!

We did the bouquet and garter thing...it seems typical in our area....of course the fellow who caught the garter didn't push it as high as we used to wear our skirts back then!

As I recall, both the gal who caught the bouquet and the fellow who bought the garter were married shortly thereafter...but not to each other...

We did feed each other a small slice of cake...but didn't do the mushing thing which I think takes a lovely symbolic gesture and makes a mockery of it.

My nephew married last month and when the time came to toss the bouquet all the single girls went out onto the dance floor. The bride turned her back, and tossed the flowers in a nice arc - and only 2 girls out of 15 raised their hands to catch it. Truly a funny moment.

My son married 2 years ago and they didn't throw the bouquet or remove the garter. They were both in their early 30's and I think they just thought it was a little silly.

Most weddings I've been to have had both the bouquet and garter toss, but fortunately, only one had the guy put the garter on the poor girl who caught the bouquet.

At family weddings, they put all the little boys out in front of the young men at the garter toss, and it tends to be a boy in the 5-10 year old age range who catches the garter. So no one presses to have him put the garter on the bouquet catcher's leg.

Hmm, most weddings I have attended have the bouquet toss ( a special tossing boutquet is provided). I've also seen the garter removed from the bride but I've never seen anyone toss and certainly not putting it on a girl's leg.

I remember seeing a funny video where the bride tossed the bouquet over her shoulder, it hit the ceiling fan and was promptly sliced to pieces.

I really dislike the cake smooshing thing. Not sure how that got started. Sometimes the bride and groom just put a dot of icing on each others nose. Stupid but harmless.

We did the bouquet/garter thing at our wedding in 81.....they did it at every wedding and I never gave it much thought. I never saw it get out of hand or distasteful. The guy who caught the garter at our wedding was gay so he wasn't really interested in going too far up the bouquet catcher's leg!

Never heard of the garter thing. The weddings i attended, the garter catcher wore it on his arm.

Neither of my DDs did a bouquet/ garter toss, and now that i think of it, i havent seen tjat tradition in years.

The only cake smash i ever witnessed was a couple that had a history of domestic violence. A precursor perhaps, of things to come in that relationship

I'm glad to see we are not the only ones with this crazy tradition! Interesting that it is not done everywhere, which is what I suspected.

Funny about the little boys catching it. Actually the first catch was a 12 year old. The DJ said he was too young and that the guy needed to be 21 or older (apparently it was ok for the girl to be 18, LOL). The 12 yo tossed the garter and the 26 yo picked it up.

My DD said she will just have to sit out future tosses as she is very competitive and if she is out there she will be determined to catch it! Said she would not be able to resist.

I was married in NY 12 years ago, and I skipped it. I thought it was tacky. My friends couldn't believe I wasn't doing it because everyone around here does it.

As for the cake smoosh, the only 2 couples I ever saw smash the cake both ended up divorced. I didn't want to do the whole cake cutting thing either, but my wedding vendor didn't know and the DJ went along with it and by then I just went along with it too instead if making a scene.

The tossing of the bouquet and garter are done here and the photographer usually takes a photo of the people who catch them. Here in the south it just means 'next to get married'. That's about it. I've never heard of the tradition of putting the garter on the one who caught the bouquet. That could get way tacky, IMO.

Then there are the bizarre layers of rituals that are layered on top of this:

The person who catches the garter is blindfolded, and the woman who caught they bouquet is switched out for an old woman and the blindfold is removed when he is sliding his hands up the old woman's leg.

The groom slides the garter off the bride but has a pair of underpants (usually huge) hidden up his sleeve and then pulls them out and shows them instead of the garter.

I think it is all kind of silly and dumb and I wouldn't do it but I'm not overly offended by it.

The last wedding I went to the woman who caught the garter basically body slammed two other women--They all ended up on the floor-- and I was surprised they weren't actually injured. It was pretty obnoxious.

I've never seen anything like that, thank heavens, and frankly can't imagine it. I think throwing the bouquet is a silly custom as well, but I abhor superstitions of all kinds.

I understand customs that have been borne of years of tradition or hardship or ethnic culture ------carrying around the bride and groom on chairs, for example, or the "money dance" with the bride. What I don't understand is couples from completely different parts of the world, or different religions or ethnic backgrounds copying these customs into their own wedding celebrations. I guess that is the natural result of the internet bridal business and the homogenization of culture, but it always seems they are trying to manufacture a background they don't have instead of being happy with who they are.

I'm not aware of that tradition either --only the tradition of the removal of the garter from the bride by the groom.

I'm not sure if this is a "tradition" anywhere (I saw it at a wedding reception in the midwest) - or just one of the tackiest things ever. Everyone was enjoying the reception when a group of men grabbed the bride, literally picked her up as she kicked and screamed and played along, announcing to the crowd that they were "kidnapping" her, and only a ransom would ensure her safe return to the groom.

The groom then walked from table to table carrying a decorated bucket into which guests were expected to place monetary donations. We had no inkling that this was coming, and no cash (we thought the gift we brought - from the registry - would suffice). They got no money from us, but other guests (who looked just as bewildered as we were) ponied up enough "ransom dough" to have the bride brought back about a half hour later.

Incredibly stupid and rude, I thought.

hmm, I think that "tradition" actually may actually have historical antecedents in several cultures. At least kidnapping brides does, as well as monetary contributions to the couple, although that's the first time I've heard of a "ransom." Remember the bag of money collected by the bride in The Godfather?

Wow, I have seen bouquet toss and garter toss, but never, ever have seen or heard of the original "tradition" of this post. I'm in the PNW and a have been to plenty of weddings. Obviously a regional thing, although most of our population these days is from other parts of the country and world, so maybe it will be seen here someday. Or maybe it will die a PC death.

I only saw the steal the bride thing once, 40 years ago, and it was awful. The bride was hysterically crying and was actually struggling and not cooperating but they didn't stop. Then someone walked from table to table and expected people to pay to get her back.

She also cried, bordering on hysterical, while coming down the aisle. I guess she cried easily and not discretely. Surprisingly with that start, I believe they're still married.

I think it was the first wedding I ever attended and it made quite a negative impression on me. It certainly didn't look enjoyable or fun to be the bride.

I've seen the bouquet toss and the garter toss many times but only once saw the garter put back on the bouquet catcher. Too many times, a big show is made of calling all the single women up to participate for this ridiculous stunt. It's rarely left to those who choose to play along, names are called from the stage "so-and-so, get up here, you're single!" Really tacky.

I've never seen the garter thing at the kazillion weddings I've been to.
(In the South.)

At my nephew's wedding, he and the bride gave each other bites of the cake.
She had said ahead of time that if he smooshed cake on her face, she'd tear up the marriage license and skip the honeymoon.
He didn't smoosh.
:)

Now that it's been mentioned, I do seem to recall reading a novel set in the 1800s where the bride was "kidnapped" in this fashion, so maybe this does have its root in tradition.

But the way this silly "gimme money" spectacle was carried out at the wedding I attended in the late 1990s was just stupid. And judging by the stunned reaction of others in attendance, I wasn't the only one who felt that way.
;-)