My older female cat was fifteen when I brought home one year old siblings, a male and a female. The old prima dona was simply outraged at the intrusion, and she never really got over it. After much hissing and posturing, she finally made a separate peace and lived to the ripe old age of 20, still feisty as ever. She warmed up much more to the male than the female; she even let him groom her head occasionally. So my experience is that, while they may never become friends, time and much patience will allow you all to live in harmony. I certainly do hope that you don't consider getting rid of the 5 year old, as your message may imply. Cats are solitary creatures by nature, so its behavior is more typical than you think. As the kitten grows and becomes more calm, no doubt things will work out. Good luck.

I think she's more worried about the relationship between herself and her cat. It hurts to have a pet that turns away from you like that.

Thanks for the advice. I wouldnt get rid of my older cat,sorry if I implied that. I would have to find this sweet, darling kitten another home though...and I dont want to do that.
You see,my cat used to be just fine around other cats. We had a total of 7 cats once as we took care of a mother cat and her kittens and it never fazed him.
Then I did a friend a favor,and watched his cat for about 2 months.The cat was absolutely mean to my cat and now he sees them as a threat I think,when he didnt before.
The kitten looks so sad after he hisses and bops at her.Her ears go down and she lays her head down.She just wants a friend and he isnt having it.

It does hurt my feelings too when he acts like that to me.Although never lovable,we used to be good friends.I miss him.

It sounds like your boy lost trust in your ability to keep him safe when you allowed your friend's cat to bully him. Now, in his mind, you've allowed another potential threat to enter his territory, and he's understandably upset and angry and both the kitten and at you.

Regardless of his aggressive behavior toward you, you will not be helping regain his trust by disciplining him. You need to ignore his antisocial behavior, keep your face out of clawing distance, and continue to do everything possible to let him know that he has not been displaced as top cat in your home or in your heart. You need to love him through his anger and mistrust until he realizes that he's not in any danger from the kitten.

You also need to try to prevent the kitten from bothering him in any way. If there's going to be any contact between them, your boy should be the one who initiates it. If he feels the need to hiss, growl, or smack her around a bit, so be it. He's the boss, and he gets to set the social standards and boundaries with the kitten as long as he doesn't actually attack her in a manner that can cause injury.

Once he is satisfied that the kitten is being respectful of his social position and is not a threat to his territory or well-being, he will make peace with her presence. In light of his last feline encounter, however, it may take some time. Cats don't forgive and trust nearly as readily as do dogs.

Be patient. Be loving. Be tolerant. Your boy isn't evil. He's self-protective because the last cat you took in taught him that he had to be.

Laurie

A couple more thoughts ...

If you haven't had your kitten spayed yet, I recommend you do that immediately. If she goes into heat, her hormonal scent may trigger additional aggression in your male. It's best to take hormones out of the equation. If you haven't had her spayed yet, you should be prepared to keep her in a separate room for a week following the spay to allow her time to heal and for the vet office smells to dissipate from her coat before reintroducing her to your male.

Depending on how your male reacts to catnip, you might try sprinkling catnip leaves around the floor for him. Some cats get REALLY mellow on nip, so that might help relax your boy. Some cats, however, have an aggressive response to nip. If your boy falls into that category, forget the nip!

Since your male isn't currently tolerant of physical affection from you, spend extra time playing with him with wand toys or a laser pointer. Just make sure that the kitten is locked in a separate room during these play sessions so that she doesn't interfere with your male's special playtime with you.

Buy some Rescue Remedy at a health food store and rub a few drops on your boy's gums or on the inside of his ear flaps several times a day. That might help calm his nerves.

Buy some Feliway or Comfort Zone for your home. That, too, is supposed to have a calming effect on cats and may help your boy get over this transitional hump.

Have at least two litterboxes available in your home. Your male may resent having to share a box with the kitten and may start eliminating outside of the box.

Good luck,

Laurie

We have introduced new cats and kittens to our home a number of times, and things invariably calmed down after a few weeks, except in the case of unaltered males. We had two males when we were raising Abyssinians; *they* lived as pets, but always had to be kept apart until we finally gave up breeding kittens and neutered them. Then they had an armed truce, so to speak, and could be left together in the same room.

I agree with Laurie about keeping the kitten from bothering the male and not disciplining him. It might also be wise to avoid paying special attention to the new one in front of your old boy. (By the way, has he been neutered? That could make a difference, too.)

Don't give up. They are bound to at least tolerate each other eventually. By the way, cats often establish a pecking order, which should be respected. Our present two cats, both of which were abandoned kittens that we took in, are great friends. I often come home to find them cuddled up in the same box or on the furniture. But if I am there, then they don't do that. The one we took in first, Siphon, obviously considers himself to be "first cat" and is jealous to protect his special rights. The other cat, Rosie, "knows her place," too, and immediately jumps down from my lap if "first cat" comes into the room and puts a paw on my knee. She can also not get into the bed with me if "first cat" is there and realizes it, so she sneaks around over the pillows to my other side and gets under the covers. If Siphon so much as utters a cry of annoyance, she is out of there like a flash. She has, however, established the small table in front of the toilet as her territory, where she can elicit all the petting from me that she wants (and, incidentally, prevent me from reading, lol). Siphon never tries to evict her from there.

So I would treat your older cat as "first cat" and always give him precedence. For instance, if both cats are in the room, I never pet Rosie without also petting Siphon, usually doing him first, then petting her, then giving him the last pat, or else I pet them both at the same time. Maybe I am overdoing it, and if these were humans, I would never discriminate like that, but both cats seem quite happy this way.

There's always ups and downs with more than one cat. Don't give up on either, just be patient. I have seven and they squabble some of the time but sometimes I see five of them lined up together. The newest one , a year old, hangs with the 18 year old. I think he senses he's old and senile. Usually different sexes work bettter. My girl cats get along with the boys, but fight among themselves. I had to get rid of a foster girl.. it got so bad last year. She's in a only cat house now. Just give your older one a lot of attention and play with the kitten when he's not observing you.

Thanks for the comments. Yes,BOTH of my cats are fixed. That is an absolute must in my home because I cannot stand spraying or females in heat.
I also do disapline the kitten when she is bothering him.Although normally she doesnt do much but follow him around at a distance and observe him.

I had heard a male might accept a female more than a male which is why I got a female. She is also tiny in comparison to him (he is a HUGE cat) and he could easily set her straight if she bugged him.
I have tried to refrain from giving her so much attention in front of him,but she makes it hard because she follows me wherever I go and always has to be on my lap and purring in my face.
Thanks again.

Give it time. I knew our older cat would have a fit because when neighborhood strays came by the patio door she'd go all hissy and angry.

After we brought kitten home, we just gave her periods of time with the two of them. and yes, it got hissy and ugly. Older cat was even pretty mad at us. I think she was just insulted.

Then we would have periods of time when we would put kitten away, and have one on one time with our older cat.

We got kitten in June, and now, 3 months later, they are old pals. They roughhouse like two puppies, and love it! They play very nicely.

And kitten has even brought a little youthful playfulness back to our older cat. She's picking up her old kitten toys and playing with them now. We are hoping all the chasing around the house helps my older kitty trim down and get to a healthier weight.

Frankly, she was a lazy Queen Cleopatra til kitten came along.

Cats and dogs don't think the same that we do. When we project our feelings and emotions on to them we are doing them a disservice.

Cats are territorial and they live in the now. Your cat's territory has been interrupted and he is reacting because of that.... you said that your feelings are hurt and your miss your cat. Your cat does sense that your feelings towards him have changed and he is reacting to that as well.

You need to ignore your cats territorial issues, don't take them personally, stop projecting feelings of worry and distraught, and eventually the two cats will tolerate each other.

He is only 5 years old, he certainly should be able to adapt to a new kitty - he just needs more time and a confident caretaker ... not a worried one.

With cats, discipline doesn't always work the way we want it to. Could you try just removing the kitten to a different room sometimes when she bothers the older cat? No doubt she would keep crying for you from there, as well, but at least she couldn't bother him for a while.
When you say he could easily set her straight when she bugs him, does that mean that he doesn't "attack" her? Is he still acting nasty and biting you? (I am hoping that things are beginning to settle down.)

Well? I would't characterize you as 'evil' just because you don't understand what's going on :-) Your kitty doesn't understand what's going on either, and he's frightened, not evil. (The subject line got me a little hissy too maybe, but I do understand you're just worried.)

New kitty introductions happen slowly over time. You were on the right path when you restricted the kitten. Please try that again, but a little differently. Give new kitty his own room. NK (new kitty) stays in room with food, litter box, toys, at all times when you are not home and much of the time when you are home. When you get home from work each day, bring out NK to spend a little time in rest of house. Let old kitty (OK) watch from a distance, or run through and hiss, whatever he wants. Put NK back in his room after 10 minutes and do the same exercise later that evening. Keep this going for a month or more if needed. The idea is to slowly introduce the two cats, and while that's happening, let your old kitty have his house back! He'll start to relax when he doesn't feel as threatened over territory.

Increase NK's time out as things improve. In six months they'll be sleeping on the couch together grooming each other. Patience, and time and things will work out. No discipline, that has nothing to do with introductions, and will set you all back, not move things forward. Good luck and keep us posted.

Yes I tried all of that and it didnt work. I'm not new to cats,I've had them my whole life. I know they are territorial and I did expect some hissing and what not. My cat may not be evil but he certainly is acting so.I have never seen him flip out the way he has. I also have a child to think about whom he has injured a few times since we brought the kitten home. Like me,she was only trying to be friendly towards him and got paid back with a nice big scratch.
It has been two months and the kitten is locked up in the bedroom now again. He has not calmed down any yet and I think it cruel to leave her in there like this.

I have seen some cat calming herbs at Petsmart,and I'm thinking of trying those.Thanks for the advice.

You might Feliway. It helped us when we brought home two (evil) kittens.

My kitten came beginning of June. I'd say older cat still hisses when that young whippersnapper annoys her. But it's no longer in an evil way. It's more of a "Sigh, these young kids can be such a pest".