This is helpful and scary to read! We start our kitchen renovation in January and it will be a complete gut job with a wall coming down. We have a kitchen designer and contractor which is a great treat! When we built this house, our contractor died 4 days after signing the contract. We used his son to arrange the subs, but the mistakes were huge and basically we were in charge and constantly trying to manage the project with full time jobs and 2 kids! This feels like a luxury to have this much help 28 years later!! However, I dread the mess, the change in eating habits, the chaos. We will be storing our food in the refrigerator in the basement and washing our dishes in the laundry room. We are lucky to have both!! This has been helpful. I am sure I will also feel stressed while we are in an avalanche of chaos and money! I love forward to the end result.

It’s a luxury to get to do this. Consider not having all the reno problems because you could afford to make the changes.

Absolutely it’s a huge blessing so many people want to make changes to their homes and can’t raise the funds to do so. It’s great to to have a community of people who have been though it or going through it to have a quick moan and move on!

does anyone have any advice on dealing with aggravated neighbor? I’ve just come out of being screamed at by the. Neighbor because the build is taking too long!

Bribery. ^^^^^ Baskets of baked goods. GC for local restaurant. A steady stream of apologies, notes and goodies. One week cookies, one week restaurant meal, one week a note with a potted plant/flowers, etc. Consider it a cost of doing business. We are hard wired to reciprocate when we are given something. You give them goodies, they give you peace. Of course your neighbors may be monsters and my plan won;t work, but it's worth a try and not very expensive in the scheme of things.

I agree it's a luxury to be able to do much of the renovations (and for some, all of it) one-selves. At the same time, a bit of moaning and groaning, venting over issues is also a great stress reliever.

I wrote my comments above in May. It's now October. We are still living on plywood subflooring, dust is still everywhere (for different reasons), we've moved the temporary kitchen 3 times and it's now completely packed up - we live on fast food and deli. And I know we won't be finished with this first phase until next spring or perhaps even summer. We are doing more than the kitchen, but still, any renovation, be it with a contractor, or partial DIY, or full DIY is still a process, and having the expectation that things will go wrong helps, but it doesn't negate the frustration when it happens : )

One of the things I've learned to appreciate is how long it is taking us... we've had the chance to change and alter, to improve, subtract and add as we see the need - it often does help to stand back, take a breath or two, and reassess and revise. It is almost an organic process. I'm also most grateful that at our age we are able to do so much of it ourselves, and in saving money being able to add some of the things we otherwise would not have had the option. Being able to pick our own crews is yet another thing for which I'm grateful (although that has also been a negative at times!).

Still, problems arise, and though we expected them, living in a mess for so long, dealing with issues, sometimes daily, along with the mental and physical exhaustion, can take a tole. I suggest finding ways to deal with that, like eating out, going for walks/hikes, whatever soothes ones soul. Hey, a good cry helps too : )

RE: difficult neighbors - Rita said it well. Understanding and empathy makes the never ending apologies and kindnesses much easier. I know if any of our neighbors were doing an ongoing renovation and I'd never been through one myself, I'd probably fuss to DH at the least over the noise, trucks and cars parked in the street, mess in the street, and so forth. I make a point to let our immediate neighbors know if any noisy machinery will be running, including loud trucks. I have apologized to all 4 sides of neighbors when the pavers were being installed due to the saw dust floating everywhere - and constantly offered to clean up their patios or pay to have their cars washed. I paid a neighbor to replace a tree he had to cut down as it was on our property and we needed the space for an addition - didn't have to, but it was the understanding thing to do. I took home cooked treats around while I still had a kitchen. Most all our neighbors have been incredibly amazing, even bringing us food and offering an evening's respite in the comfort of a clean home : )

Then again, there are neighbors who will never be understanding, or who will never see things any other way but their own. I think it best to avoid and ignore them if one cannot somehow reasonably placate them.

We have just been taken aback by how aggressive he has been. I really tried to engage all our neighbours and they’ve been fairly understanding but this person in particular was screaming all manner of insults at me with my daughter watching the car whivh I find unacceptabl.

I just feel I’d be rewarding really disrespectful bullying behaviour if I went round with cookies after this last incident. Essentially I’d be saying yes it’s okay to scream at me when you’re unhappy about something!

We do plan to send hampers round for xmas once we are back in and maybe a card for this neighbor but we‘ll see...

2manydiversons - you guys are ninjas!! We’ve been at it since July and I think we’ve got another solid 6 weeks... well done for keeping going

lyanini14, I don't think anyone here was encouraging you to do anything thoughtful to someone who's unreasonable. Anyone who 'screams', whether a child is present or not, whatever they are screaming, is being ridiculous. Me? I'd not bother with a card for that neighbor. Perhaps a lump of coal would be appropriate {wink, wink}. Just ignore the fool. Walk away and don't engage.

Don’t tempt me with the lump of coal I’m minded to do it!;)

screaming all manner of insults at me with my daughter watching the car whivh I find unacceptabl.

Wow! I did not get that you were talking about somebody screaming at you in front of your daughter, no less. I am not sure my advice would hold under that circumstance. It's not that I would be afraid of rewarding bad behavior- if that would work- great- but I worry that with a person like that- rewarding his bad behavior will make the bad behavior escalate.

Your guy definitely calls into my monster category.

Can you approach his wife perhaps and discuss how to make sure there are no repeat performances?

As for dealing with the guy, have your husband do that. I am pretty sure he will not be screaming at another man. People like that tend to be weak and sexist (only weak people are sexist, but that is a different thread ;-)

Who knows said I gloomily ..maybe he screams at women, shoots men

(I know, I usually go for a glass half-full))

I had a policeman at my door Saturday morning..presumably some neighbors are sure we have a rooster in our backyard that wakes them up(our city doesn't permit chicken)..and made a complaint

A policeman was such a handsome guy btw..polished and all, in his uniform

while I wore pajamas with deers on it ot something

In short I was unprepared..for a visit..

When he left I wrote a humorous post on Nextdoor assuring everyone we don't have a rooster (except for a weather vane in shape of a rooster, and a soft toy rooster that was bought "handmade by Amish" but has a bit dissappointing tag "Made in China")

(I didn't mention police coming, complaint, anything..just wrote we don't have a rooster or a desire to care for a rooster, or anything to do with a rooster..I believe they can hear some rooster yet if it exists it's not ours)

now I've got some fan mail..))

Interestingly, all the close neighbors suffered through our very long remodel(two years! port-a potty outside!) like angels..I pray they never leave the street.

Don't know who hears that magical rooster..to the point of involving law enforcement..probably not them.

okay..all that was to say-the guy who screamed insults sounds freaking unpleasant..no cookies for him. I hope he comes to his senses. Maybe he just had a surgery..on something..and it's temporary insanity-on-a-smaller-scale..

I'd drink..take a bath..

Then I'd think what to do when calmer.

Maybe nothing, for now

I'm not sure I want to approach such people..in their bad moments..unless I've a really long stick..or a very loyal big dog..

you calm down..he, hopefully, calms down...

then you'll see

I know, it's extremely painful when something like this happens in front of your kids.

Thank you all, its just so much work without having to deal with aggression! I mean the guy feeds pidgeons so we've had to deal with bird poo without a word of complaint all the time we've lived next door. I'm completely sympathetic the renovation is taking much longer than I expected but for heavens sake Im not intentIonally pronlonging it!

Funny enough the 80 year old next door has been so understanding I'll happily do her shopping for a year!

We finally have nearly finished plastering but the builders wife is sick today so he couldn't come in... I seriously considering offering to take care of her so he can finish off... I know , it's evil

Iyanini14, I'm thinking your neighbor, given the screaming episode (and in front of a child), is like some people I've dealt with in the past... someone whom you will never be able to work with. Some people are simply hard-headed and wrong-minded. In those cases, I find it best not to even attempt to speak to them, their kids, their spouses, their relatives, but rather ignore them and not engage what so ever. If they choose to walk over to you and start an argument, I'd just look at them blankly, let them finish, and say a simple "I need to get back to work" - (unless it's a valid issue on their part of course. Just because they sound like idiots doesn't make them always wrong.) I don't think defending your position would ever work as they most likely won't hear you. I wasn't kidding about not giving them a card for the holidays - I simply would not reward their bad behavior. Rise above these childish adults, feel great that you've got some fantastic neighbors, and know you are blessed for them : )

Ha! Thanks for the ninja comment : ) That did make me feel better yesterday : ) Every day is a bit different, sometimes I feel we are moving right along; other times it is a snail's pace. There were a few others here on GW some time ago who were also mostly DIY's on the weekends (Weekend Warriors!), and still at work after a year, so I new the timeline would be pretty long. Yesterday was a great day, today, eh, not so great, but it'll improve!

aprilneverends (Hi! Missed 'talking with you' here on GW!) Come on... I know you're hiding a rooster somewhere, wink-wink. I mean, why would someone send the police out if you weren't?! Ha ha! I'm sorry you had to go through that, but truly, as bad as I know that had to feel, someday you'll look back on that moment as a highlight and funny story! As for the pj's with deer, I hear you! Yesterday the dry wall ceiling guy came early to set up scaffolding, and when I heard the doorbell ring I had a moment of sheer panic.... still in my fuzzy, pepto-bismal-pink flannel jammies with kittens bounding all over them, my hair stacked high on my head plastered in conditioner, and calamine lotion smeared on my arms and face (mosquitoes from yard work). I was so tired that the panic dissolved and I thought 'so what'. Bless his heart, the guy was just as nice as he could be (my wife also... ).

2ManyDiiversions, thank you:) I looked back at it as a funny story approximately half an hour after it happenned:) So..didn't take me long..this time..

Still lol'ing.

Especially as the neighbors found it all very funny

But as I tend to imagine the worst-my more usual reaction would be sharp chest pain..:)Saturday morning..police at the door..

It's like when you hear a phone call in the middle of the night..

But you know what, it's very, very true what you say..I mean I found myself thinking : "Maybe there is a rooster in our backyard but he just hides?"

(it's Orange County..so backyard is pretty small by US standarts as you can imagine)

I bet if police would come for a second and third time-I'd start looking for the rooster..actively..

If it'd go on for several weeks or months-in the end I might have become convinced that the rooster is there. It must be. It can't be that everybody's wrong, and only me, I am right

(it can be, of course, it just becomes a mental possibility that's hard to embrace, at some point. If everybody around you is convinced otherwise)

But I still wouldn't be able to find it of course. The rooster.

I think the cognitive dissonance might become unbearable to the point that I'd go lengths to buy a rooster somewhere, put it in the backyard, and then to call the police that they were right..

that's a very believable scenario, actually.

happens a lot irl...history knows many examples. Just not about roosters:)

I hope your remodeling saga comes to its end soon..and that it'll be a gorgeous book to look at

I can just see the headlines now: "Group neighborhood hysteria causes Orange County woman to buy pet rooster"!

I'd be behind bars by the time the headlines would appear))

How's everyone getting on with their renovation? We've decided to move back in not because the house is ready but we can't afford to rent anymore and our friends have been more than generous accommodating us for 6 weeks!

We move back in next week with lots left to do and not little money, however pleased we've gotten this far after inspite of all the drama

Thanks for asking lyanini : ) Hmmm... DH and I continued to insanely divert our attention to the yard/landscaping/hardscaping (which we are loving, finally!). But more work awaits us next spring. Sigh… This caused us to be further behind inside however we're back to the interior now (kitchen, great room, tv room, foyer, hall, laundry room in Phase I; Phase II will be bedrooms and baths).

Popcorn ceilings in Phase I now a thing of the past – Yay! But the dust Oh My… we’ve dry-mopped the ceilings and walls (in prep for painting and crown molding) until our arms fell off (not literally of course - sadly we can still use them to paint!), and dust still finds its way everywhere! The idea of removing popcorn in the rest of the house makes me curl up into the fetal position : )

We (and by ‘we’ I mean DH) removed the last of the flooring to come up, after which DH, covered in tile dust, arms hanging limply, proclaimed he was not removing any more flooring, EVER. He’s looked into the demo abyss, and has only seen mounds of drywall to haul away, 2 x 4's with nail-claws, shards of tile, endless limp rolls of dusty old carpet, and spiny tack strips. He'd rather crawl in the attic for days rewiring the entire house or crawl in the crawlspace and plumb... oh wait, he's already done that!

And me? How much gunk can one woman have stuck on her hands and on/under her nails? Enough to make the checkout lady at the local grocery use hand sanitizer after touching my credit card! Wood and metal bondo; White, clear, and my eternal favorite - black silicone (which won't come off skin for 3 days); Plaster-packed fingernail-nail beds; Green nails (paint), black nails (paint again); White hair (I'm not a blonde) - paint again; Mortar (which oddly does stick to skin); and glues... epoxy, gorilla, marine... but I'd rather be doing all this than sitting on a comfy bed, watching the tube and popping chocolates in my mouth. Oh. I have lost my mind!

We finally called our cabinet guy, who was ready to come out and measure (yeah, we're that behind!) a few weeks ago, and is now tied up for a several weeks. Figures!

We've looked at miles of granite and quartzite, et al, but haven't found anything I fell in love with other than a very finicky serpentine (similar to marble) and I need something less finicky. Broke my heart as I loved it... Still looking.

We've picked out our crown molding and baseboards, but I'm stalling on wall and cabinet colors until the counter top choice is made.

Endless fast food, dust, mud from tromping in and out, living w/o many comforts. And now it’s cold, making our one refuge - the screened porch, also not user friendly!

Still, we can see the light, we love the decisions we've made, the work we’re doing and all improvements, and because it's been so slow going, we've altered and therefore improved many things along the route. We'll get there!

….Oh, and right in the midst of this, a stray cat adopted us. We already have a plaster-dusted dog, so why not a kitty too? {rolling eyes}

Lyanini, are you pleased with things thus far? I wish you luck in living “in the midst”! Someday we’ll look back and have fun memories we’ll laugh about! Aw heck, I already do!

I recently stumbled across this thread while obsessively reading all GW discussions with the term “soapstone” anywhere in the text. :). It’s been a comfort _and_ a source of entertainment (love 2ManyDiversions comments), so I thank you all.

This is year three for me. I decided to fix up my small house for its 100th birthday, which is in 2018. Plenty to do - the HVAC was shot (and it can get below freezing in Northen Calif in the winter and above 110 in the summer), both decks were rotted out, many, many feet of fencing in the same condition, the foundation/basement in the Southwest corner also failing, no insulation ... the old fir subfloors were starting to splinter... and then there was the kitchen... . Anyway, I just wanted to commiserate and also say that it will all get done and you will look around and find that you are now living in a warm ( or cool !) quiet, solidly built house where the dishwasher works and handles don’t fall off cabinets and many of the small thing that irritated you about this or your former house have magically disappeared. Honestly, I’m thrilled that a small addition of a ...peninsula? to the counter layout provides space to put down my dog’s water bowl as I’m opening the door to the back deck.

My dear sister (DS) recommended that I keep a list of the components that have been completed (and their cost) as Project “The Big Fix” goes forward. This is separate from a budget, which is for more practical purposes. I’m talking about a bullet list you can scan quickly and think “Yeah! We totally did all that!”. Including the costs helped me put things in perspective, since we end up thinking subconsciously that every single sub project cost a huge amount of money, and yet, no, those gutters were pretty cheap. Anyway, good luck to you all.

Seriously you guys are giving me much needed strengt! Crashed the car

lasy week trying to rush to pick up the cooker in time for rhe kitchen fitter!!

After that decifed never to stress myself again :)

Sorry for the typos- also broke my phone screen!!

Iyanini14,

_Very_ sorry to hear about your car - and phone! I read an article about a year ago with the title “Just Lie Down”. The author said there was a point, after a series of unfortunate events, when she thought, “that’s it, I’m going to bed and regroup!” It was about finding the space and time to just drop everything, because ultimately we are more important than our cookers. I’m lucky, the DS I mentioned lives only a mile away and I could retreat there if utterly frazzled. I hope you can also find some mini respites. For the day to day, I have maintained a snack box (filled with really good chocolate - this isn’t the place to scrimp :) ) and a tea station in whatever area of the house that workers are not. It helps to have a few small luxuries. ... If I can figure out the photo uploading part I will include a picture of how cats deal with the turmoil of change and disruption. If only we could take their approach.

Definitely taking a leaf out of your cats book!

we started making videos weekly to share the project with close friends and family so they know how we are getting on. Now at least I can watch them and reflect on just how far we’ve come. Not brave enough to look at the cost yet because we’ve had to use workmen on lots of jobs and it’s costs us much much more than we though! It’s wonderful to know you all are out there pushing through the pain:)

@Jad2design im just lying down for a few weeks!

We are signing the contract today for our kitchen total gut and remodel. Demolition starts after New Year's. I am wondering whether you have any helpful tips to get us through the months of having no kitchen. We are lucky that our children are grown and our two large dogs can live in our family room while this is going on!! We will be moving our refrigerator to the basement, where it will stay and hopefully setting up a place to have an instapot, microwave, etc. We are grateful to be able to do this remodel. Just trying to figure how this is all going to work with no kitchen for several months.

Vevmom - yes, lots of advice, but start here with ["Links to threads re: temporary kitchen set-up"[(https://www.houzz.com/discussions/links-to-threads-re-temporary-kitchen-set-up-dsvw-vd~2674326)

I'm sure others will give you some tips, but the things I used most were:

Instapot (glad you've got one!)

Electric skillet - got a cheap one on amazon

Toaster oven

Microwave

Sous vide (well, I cook a lot, and it was amazing to be able to finish off chicken, fish, cheap meats in under a minute in my electric skillet!)

Outdoor grill

.... I used my instapot and sous vide the most. Then the electric skillet. Then the grill : ) I used my microwave in my real kitchen far more than in the temporary kitchen.

Having a water source/sink nearby - you won't believe how important that is, think about how many times you have to rinse a little something off your hands. Utility sink, bathroom sink, it all works to an extent!

Folding tables - we got more than planned because we needed them. Think about prep space, setting food out to plate, and odds/ends that stay out much of the time.

Storage bins to hold:

cookware, food, utensils for eating and serving, glasses, paper and plastic items, spare dish clothes, this list goes on and on! Boxes just don't cut it. Storage bins are so much easier. FWIW, I packed things (cooking utensils) I wish I hadn't.

Economize on space where you can (pack the electric can opener, get a small manual, etc.)

Uh... I know you don't think this will happen, but it does to many of us.. circuit breaker overload! Kitchens are set up for this - not so the rest of the house! The instapot is a massive energy hog... so be prepared to run only one appliance at a time if needed. It's a pain, but can be done : )

And if you drink alcohol, leave out enough for 3 years... I. Am. Not. Kidding. ; )

Last thing: if you're planning several months... add several more to that timeline : )

Keep us updated, good luck, and remember to laugh!

I laughed and laughed after reading your great suggestions!! We also use the sous vide ALOT! We have the instapot in the box in which it arrived!! I guess we better start reading the directions. Thank you for all the great advice. I will start getting the storage bins this week. I have to start throwing and giving away things that we don't need. Honestly, after 27 years in our home, our kitchen is FILLED with tons of baking, cooking, entertaining items. Some, we use a lot, some we use a little and some have not seen the light of day for years!! We love to cook for family and friends and both my husband and I share the cooking and baking - we are thrilled to have designed a kitchen which will meet the needs of our expanding family including our grandchildren and many friends. It will be a tough few months, but in the end, we will have a great working space! I will take all your suggestions to heart!!!

Vevmom, I cannot believe you use sous vide too!!!! That was the single best purchase I made during our remodel (still ongoing). So great to pre-cook en masse, then sear off quickly - and trust me, fast will be your friend!

The Instapot was the 2nd best thing - and used so much! Sometimes one needs a little luxury during those tough times - if you like risotta, it's so easy and amazing in the instapot. You'll find a lot of great recipes online, and again, cuts cooking time.

Since you love to cook as I do, understand there will be times when you'll want to shower twice but you won't shower at all, the house will be an unmitigated mess because everyone is tracking in everything (including yourself), dust just appears from nowhere, the dog just urinated/vomited/pooped and 3 people tracked through it, you'll have 5 appointments at the same time, you won't have running water... and everyone is looking forward to a warm, home-cooked meal... but that 7th trip to McD's is nothing to be ashamed about : ) The grocery deli, perhaps once avoided, could be your friend : )

I cleaned out 19 years of items from the cabinets before we tore them out. It's a chore! And a bit sad... You'll most likely find things you didn't know you had... and think to yourself, I might use that... but don't listen to yourself at those times ; )

I feel you excitement about your new kitchen : ) We felt that way too at first.. eventually it will wane but I promise you it returns! We are nowhere near being done, but my favorite pastime is a moment here and there, daydreaming of what is to come.

If I had one big bit of advice for anyone undergoing this or any remodel it'd be this: The worst remodel thing that happens to you most likely will be everyone's main source of laughter after the fact. Funny how the awful stuff becomes a badge to wear, a story to amuse, and the memory that makes you smile to yourself the most : )

liyanini14, that last bit goes for crashing one's car too... I hate that it happened and feel so sorry for you, and I'm hoping you and yours are safe and suffered no injuries. Crashing your car as part of a remodel?! Yes, that's a story to laugh about sometime in the future : )

A few notes to add to 2ManyDiversions’s excellent advice - plastic bins are totally the way to go, being semi transparent and of a uniform size, but they reek of chemicals. If you have the space, do buy them _now_ and spread them out in your garage to let them outgas. I bought 40 of them, knowing I would need lots of storage, moving from project to project. The smell was unbelievable and it took a couple of months for the stench to die back. Even then, I wrapped any textiles due for longer storage in old sheets.

Re sous vide machines, clearly you are using your current one without a problem, but since you are changing locations,, make sure the surface you will be using is okay for the heat. My DN (dear nephew) heat-cracked his brand new kitchen countertop. It is some sort of synthetic material. I wouldn’t have seen that one coming!

Good luck with your remodel. So much to get through, but so much to look forward to.

jad2design - oh yes! Clear bins are a must - thank you for stating the importance. We had to stack ours (kept adding, everyone does) and being able to see the contents inside, stacked, is invaluable. Also bought some small Sterilite containers with drawers for both plastic and regular utensils.

FWIW, we packed all our dishes, bought only a few inexpensive Corelle (dishes, bowls, coffee/tea cups) at Wally World to microwave and stack easily, knowing it wouldn't kill me if they broke. Purchased plastic cups and utensils - and still washing/reusing even those in the utility sink.

Don't pack up old sheets and towels - put them in a bin. You can use those to cover things. Home Depot, Lowe's and Wally World sell plastic furniture wrap if you need to cover furniture or bins (even quickly) or anything else (not the dogs she says with a grin) Furniture wrap. I used it to wrap flower arrangements and lamp shades also - very handy!

Kathryn, today I actually made a peanut butter sandwich on my toilet seat, so I know how you feel. At least I managed to find a plastic knife and a placemat for the seat but at this point, if I caught the plague I wouldnt care!
That's a bit dramatic I know, but my point is I understand and you're definitely not alone. Renos add much upheaval to your life and it throws your routine into a tailspin. We had our main floor hardwood refinished (along with the kitchen reno), so everything had to be stored in different parts of the house. Finding photographs of my Dad and things my kids made me when they were little, made me sad rather than happy. Having everything piled everywhere is overwhelming too and I know the mammoth task of sorting through it all is coming. But wait, there's more! My husband and I have put on at least 5 lbs each from eating crappy take-out for weeks on end, the dogs have had to be boarded and taken to daycare which is putting us in the poor house and one of our little darlings (kids) wants to move back home... Oh, and today I realized that our new cupboards are two different shades of white.
Lol, I'm trying to retain my sense of humor (and sanity) through it all. I have found journaling to be a positive tool to cope with stress and right now it's mostly filled with swear words!! There is a light at the end of the tunnel however and here's hoping its wired properly. Cheers!

I just love these postings!!!!!

I am renovating my parents home and I am finding it is really hard to change things that my late mom picked out. It was our plan to move there after and sell my own house but now I’m not so sure. I’m sad when I think I should be happy that the home will be renewed and updated. In end it will be beautiful but I think the whole thing right now has me a bit down too and I’m not even living there yet.

Oh Susan, I’m so sorry. Wish I had some real words of wisdom, but I don’t. I went through my parent’s home after caregiving for both of them, and it was the single hardest thing I’ve done in my life, and I’ve done some very difficult things. I felt I was trespassing though I knew it was what they expected of me. Then I had to sell it, which again was hard, but a year had passed. However, it’s next door to me, and I found myself not wanting to go visit the neighbors. Now though, after a few years, it’s not their home anymore, it’s someone else’s. But it took a while.

Perhaps you need to give yourself more time. Perhaps it will never be enough time. I hate to say that, but you need to think this through because you don’t want this sadness to stay with you, which is entirely different than a renovation depression. Looking at your profile, I see you’ve started an Ideabook, so I’m thinking you need to take a breath, and start again.

Renovating to sell is entirely different than renovating to live in a home, so think about this, and be sure it’s what you want. Sounds to me like it is, but you are struggling, and that is also fine because grieving is a natural process we all go through at some point – and you most likely will go through it more than once with this home. My parents wanted me to move into their home, but I told them I preferred mine. However, had I chosen theirs, I know it would have been painful for some time, but in the end I’d have made it my own. From your last comment I’ve a feeling you already feel this, but are just struggling now. I wish you the best : )

For what it's worth, DH's best friend and his wife just moved into his parent's home, and have begun to renovate it. They are both struggling on occasion, but it's moving forward, and they find themselves changing more than originally intended to 'make it their own' and start their life in it. For the most part they are both excited about it at this point.

Susan, think how pleased your mother would be to know you were breathing new like into the space. Houses always need updating. Don’t sweat the part where you change what your mother did. Allow yourself the time to grieve the loss of your parents. I can imagine this is the kind of project you might have enjoyed sharing with your mother. I am so sorry for how hard this is. I understand.

Hi Susan, sorrr to hear that. Just remember to take your time, renovations are pretty stressful and coupled with the personal grief will be very difficult. Don’t rush into it if you’re not mentally and emotionally ready, maybe spend some time grieving properly before throwing yourself into a huge personal projecT?

First of all, condolences. This is sort of a double whammy to be facing the holiday season as well. Please believe that your mother would be thrilled that you are making this your own nest. And she would have wanted it to be a source of happiness for you. Take lots of pictures of the house as it is now and think about keeping some aspect that particularly reminds you of your mother. Unless she ever said otherwise, likely that’s all she would want.

For your own solace, I recommend that you have the entire interior painted a nice creamy white - Benjamin Moore Swiss Coffee or the like. Even if you will have another color scheme down the road, doing this is a fresh start. Get the place cleaned really well - not by you, and think about returning to the project in January, which is a good time for new beginnings. Like 2ManyDiv my mother’s house was put on the market. Because her children were all working, and were traveling from out of town, we emptied it and got it ready to put on the market in what felt like unseemly haste. I had dreams about it for months. But ultimately, however guilty and sad I felt about it, we actually were honoring our mother’s wishes. As are you. And if you decide for other reasons that you don’t want to live there, she’d be okay with that too.

We’ve owned our house for 20 years. From the beginning, I wanted to redo the kitchen and all three bathrooms.

I heard so many people say that after they did a renovation, they’d never do it again. I assumed it was because of the inconvenience, but it’s a lot more than that. It’s emotionally difficult. Even if you hate your kitchen, you’ll miss it once it’s been torn up and you can’t cook a meal or wash dishes.

Also, having strangers in the house constantly is very invasive. We work from home so we’re here when they are. They’re good guys doing good work but I can’t stand having people around all the time, banging and sawing.

Not to mention writing check after check after check. “Having enough money” is a personal anxiety for me and the process has brought it to the surface.

Plus, we have a 12-year-old and this is the only home she’s ever known. It’s been very difficult for her, which is difficult for me. I feel bad that I’m tearing down her memories.

Ultimately, I’m sure we will get pleasure from the results but right now, if I could go back in time, I would have at least waited.

Sadly, I’ve had issues with depression before and this whole thing has triggered it again.

This is a very helpful conversation, though. Knowing others are facing the intricacies of this process is good, I think.

I was just listening to the BBC radio program DH is listening to about BREXIT and one comment described the process as "damaging but survivable" How very true! With the best results and even if there are no disasters along the way, renovation is disruption to life as we know it. Whether or not the result is fantastic and the disruption ends with us in a better place, it is still a very stressful road.

No great words of wit and wisdom from me, but recognize your feelings are understandable and acceptable. Every project I have ever done has had at least one phase where I threaten to pound in a for sale sign in the yard and dump the house. When it gets really bad, I seriously consider selling every damn property I own.

Then after several projects of rehabbing investment properties, I bought a foreclosure property to rehab and make my own residence. Working on your own house ups the stress level considerably, knowing that you have to live with the results for years to come. We have now moved in and sold the prior house but I wonder if we will ever get settled.

Just before the polar vortex, I walked into my kitchen to find water dripping from the light fixture on my ceiling. It was an ice dam with snow melt water backing up underneath the shingles and travelling along the electrical conduit and dripping through the fixture. My partner calmed me down by saying look, we did it once, if we need to, we can do it again. It is not a disaster if you know how to fix it; at that point, the issue is only work and work is something we know.

Hi Karen, sorry! Living through it is invasive. Keep telling yourself it is a temporary situation. You will be on the other side soon. Maybe it will help to make a checklist of everything that is being done, and check off items that are already done, so you have an idea of what is coming next, how much you’ve already survived, and how close to the finish line you are. Try to get out and do something away from home. Even if it’s just a walk around the block a few times a day, or having coffee with a friend.

I was fine with our renovation . . . until I wasn't. Our project was estimated to take two months, and it took five. It got very stressful. My two kids started high school and middle school during the reno, which was not really what I wanted for these big transitions, and I think the disruption was pretty hard on my kid with mild autism. But honestly, it was hardest on our cat, who had to be stuck upstairs for the whole time, unable to understand why. He started eating less, throwing up more, and licking his skin raw, and was just generally super anxious.

Would I do it again? Yeah, I would, because the old kitchen was awful and the new kitchen is awesome (and it actually lifts my mood b/c it is so light and airy). I do hope to never do another project that extensive again. We've done bathrooms in 2 weeks, and we don't expect to ever do an addition, so I think we're in the clear. By the time the kitchen needs redoing, we probably won't be in this house anymore.

Hello! We are halfway through our gut and kitchen remodel. We are very happy with the kitchen designer and contractor we chose. The hardest part was when our kitchen floors were being redone and we could not get down to our temporary kitchen in the basement. This week our countertops go in and our appliances get delivered and installed. Possibly the tile will also be put up. Since we have a snow and ice storm arriving on Monday night and Tuesday (delivery for countertops) we are keeping our fingers crossed. I read all the posts on setting up a temporary kitchen and followed the great advice. I am grateful that we are at the point in our life where are kids are adults and living elsewhere. While the chaos has at time been a challenge, overall, we are doing very well. Of course, we are volunteers for this!

How is everyone doing???? our builder has run off so I've got 1or 2 tradesmen finishing off work he should have done but I can't bear to see incomplete.

The space is wonderful and I know we've done the right thing but I'm just fed up of spending money really. i am so grateful we could even do this but I could do with a virtual hug!

You do indeed need a virtual hug but the bright side is if your builder has run off it probably means the job is at least 90 percent done...in fact thats usually how you can tell it is almost finished. Very careless of him to leave you with two tradesmen though. Usually they get packed up too. Unless you found your own? Anyway, it will continue to be stressful and frightening until the last sign off, but so worth it in the end. Hope you will post a picture or two.

Thanks Jad2design. Yes we are mostly done but lots of little jobs if you know what I mean. Skirting boards missing, windows in but edges need sealing kind of work, all of which means we are having to pay the labours again to finish off. Well, he didn’t pay them apparently for weeks before vanishing so they are happy to stay if we negotiate directly

ill post some pictures soon! Still have clothes everywhere:)

((((iyanini14)))). I feel for you and wish you luck. Some years ago we were building a home and had to run off our builder... fired him. Finished it ourselves hiring our own subs and learning along the way at 1/2 complete. Never again. Uhg.

Hmmm. After well over a year since I started packing and we moved all furniture out, 8 months with a temporary kitchen, 6 months now with no kitchen, and living with no furniture except the bedroom, no flooring (Much is DIY)... we are finally seeing the light.. or I should say a glimmer! Flooring is in (and covered with Ram Board, which was a bummer as we loved looking at something complete!). The cabinet maker said they'd start putting cabinets in soon as we finished painting and installing our baseboard (week after next I hope!), but then we've got the vent to install and vent cabinet, a pass-through window to finish, and the glass people (for the cabs) are special ordering, so that's a while away.

Still, we have much electrical, plumbing, and purchases to do. I'm still hoping for June.

Ha! I hate all the purchases! First you have to figure out what you want, then you have to pay for it! Good heavens, I see now why faucets and pulls are called "kitchen jewelry"!

My sanity has been pretty good despite set-backs. The two things I love are cooking and gardening. Without a kitchen, no cooking, but we simultaneously started working on our landscaping (older 20 year old home, dire need for re-do everywhere). While the yard has put us behind, I love working outside : ) All is good here, but it's just rush-rush, exhaustion, soreness!

We are doing ok, but it helps that we are moving our kitchen so we still have a functional kitchen. I’m tired of eating dinner on our laps in front of the TV, and am hoping our good weather holds so kids aren’t stuck inside and we can eat outside. Our contractor is great, but I’m about to lose it with our tile guy-barely shows up and only works an hour or two then leaves. Our new master bath just needs him to grout the damned tile so we can finish it-everything Else is ready to go. And since it’s not done, there’s cardboard and dust all over the floor of our new bedroom, all the bathroom cabinets are stacked in our new walk in closet, all our clothes are stacked in the TV room....you know the drill.

How is everyone doing now especially through the pandemic. We literally just finished off the final bits of work with my husband doing them with the help of YouTube with is great!the sad thing is we may now have to sell to move closer to my mum who has really struggled on her own through Covid. Love thenhouse now it’s complete. If feel sooo personal and I can’t bear the thought of starting again somewhere else after all the blood and sweat🙄

yes, i feel you. we are on the 4th week of minor renovation. my mind feels like it is everywhere and i will need a quick vacation from it soon.