Ever watched the TV show "Everbody Loves Raymond"?

It will answer all your questions.

You may want to ask, 1) your parents, 2) very close friends that intently know both you and your parents and are not afraid of telling you the raw truth, 3) your wife.

We did something similar with our only, but even closer living conditions. . Here is the post I made 5 months after we moved in that describes our living situation. - Reveal. A year later our arrangement is still working beautifully. We're very close, including our wonderful SIL, so that helps, but the most important things to consider are boundaries and mutual respect. It can work and work well. In fact it has worked better than any of us could have ever dreamed and enhanced all of our lives.

Regarding Mrs. Pete's comment on easy to share big ticket items -- she is absolutely correct. We (actually the guys) share a really nice snow blower with tracks, lawn mower, various tools etc. -- they also share the work depending on their schedules. With the large pantry, we also share the kitchenaide, oversized stock pots and serving dishes. Last week DD had a big work party and it was easy for here to borrow extra plates, silver, etc.

Up next, we are planning on finishing our side of the walkout basement and adding a hot tub on the patio to share. DH had back problems, so the hot tub will be therapuduc for him, but we will all enjoy it.

When I was in middle school we moved to 8 acres next to my 70-year-old grandmother's 5 treed acres, and my cousins lived across the field. It was great. We had privacy, couldn't really see each other except who's out playing hockey or riding minibikes. And as my grandmother started to have mobility limitations it was handy for my parents to check in on her, tend to her mail, etc. If we were in a neighborhood and right next door/across the street, that'd be one thing, too close a la Everybody Loves Raymond. DOWN the street, or on acres, that's good.

OK - here is my story: My oldest (of four) grandchildren was very close to me and my husband from the time B. was born (they lived across the street at that time). My husband didn't have children of his own and he was 35 when B. was born. At one point in time B. lived with us for a year (while his Mom was getting divorced).

When I starting thinking about retirement not so very far down the road, we started looking for a place in the 'country' (my husband was born to a family of ranchers that lived on acreage). Grandson asked if we would consider enough land that he could live 'next door'. So we looked for land for several months, and finally ran across what seemed to be the best choice that took care of most of our (the three of us) requirements.

We purchased this five acre plot, the sellers had bought raw land, put in septic, electric, driveway, moved their double wide mobile home and a single wide (they rented out) and also had a 'pad' prepared for a 'friend' who brought his single wide mobile home. My husband started chemo the Monday after we closed on Friday!

That was almost 12 years ago. Since that time: husband died 2 years later of cancer, brother and his wife lived in their RV on the third pad for several years, sold RV and purchased mobile home, moved and sold mobile home to grandson (and he rents it out now), grandson got married, has two school age kids now. I never remarried and will be 80 in a few months. I am in very good health.

It works fairly well for us - if the kids are sick I can go next door and take care of them so parents don't miss work; I 'baby-sat' both kids for at least the first year of their life; the grandkids are responsible for repairs/upgrades on the double wide, I take care of issues on my home (the single wide); we both share expenses on the driveway; they take care of expenses on the well and septic; they pay the taxes and insurance.

I would NOT have stayed out here (by myself) if there had not been family here when my husband died (and, fortunately, he did get to have 22 months out here in the country). My main negative is that we are located about 12-15 miles from the nearest grocery store, library, restaurants, church, doctor, dentist. Both my daughters and the other three grand-kids live about 25 miles away.

I am in that situation! We build our house next to my parents (they have 20 acres) 15 years ago. My parents are in their mid 60's, my kids are 15 and 12. We love our living situation!! And I feel better that I can help my parents if needed and plan to as they age. My parents are very respectful of our space, they always knock when coming over, even tho I an fine with them walking in! We get to have big family dinners together at times and take walks together in the summer! I wouldn't change it for a thing!!

I think that’s a great idea, you’re lucky enough to have this opportunity! I really like the idea of a family compound. 15 acres sounds wonderful, you don’t have to build right next to your parents house, but close enough you all could walk for a visit. It would be nice to build a common patio area in between, maybe a pool, a tennis or a basketball court for the kids........an orchard, a veggie garden, a rose garden to share....... it sounds so beautiful!

I'd make sure that there's clearly defined agreements between the two households. When it's ok to "pop" over (both you and them), when you need "quiet time" for studying etc.Or-how early/late do your parents go to bed? Just have a really fun conversation that makes it clear to all.

I would also make very clear that there is no "venue shopping". A child gets into a bit of trouble, maybe grounded, and parents are like SO UNFAIR :), Then the kiddo goes over to grandparents to plead his/her case. Even the least manipulative people on Earth can get sucked into this stuff, and it really stinks for all!

Other than that, I say go for it. It's a bit of an American tragedy, how families can get separated, either by miles or even close distance, but arms-length behavior. as summersrhythm says, above- beautiful, and with the right attitudes everybody benefits.

It can be good or bad. I know someone who did this - woman is my DD's age and I've known her since she was a child, and I know her FIL quite well. FIL owned a large parcel of land -a horse farm and horse training facility. He very much wanted his sons to live on this land - he and his wife lived in the house that came with the land. Over time, first one on and then the other built houses on the land and when they did, their father deeded them land for the house and additional acreage. This turned out to be very important.

Both sons built very large, completely custom, architect-designed houses. They each had 3 children and even though the 3 houses could not be seen from another, they were close enough to one another for the 6 grandchildren to go back and forth and to visit their grandparents on a daily basis. The children all had horses and some did Pony Club. It was quite idyllic. It became less so when the grandchildren started driving - it was a LONG drive over narrow 2-lane roads, notorious for high speed, drunk drivers late at night. But they survived.

Then one son's wife was sick of living so far out of town and they put their property up for sale. Then the 2nd son did the same. Both properties sold quickly to a very wealthy person who wanted to move back here and wanted a large property, both for privacy and to preserve it from being subdivided the way most of the other large properties had been over the years. That left the grandparents out there alone.

The sons intervened and convinced their mother that they must sell and move into town. The father has done so with deep reluctance - he loved the land, he loved seeing horses out in the pastures every single morning. It's been a very hard adjustment for him, but he is glad that he once again gets to see the one grandchild who is not in college or grown - she can bike to his house easily.

If this very unique buyer had not come along, it could have taken a long time to sell these properties. They were VERY wise to deed land to each house so it could be sold individually. They were wise to build them where they were not visible to one another.

Think about all of this before making a decision.

Know and set firm boundaries. Also be 100% sure your spouse is on board. In 10 years if you want or need to move, but your parents are dependent upon you, would you be able to move?

Then the kiddo goes over to grandparents to plead his/her case

I have to laugh at this, because three of my cousins grew up across the street (out in the country, so probably over a half mile walking) from my grandparents. When the older two were in late elementary school, they started showing up occasionally at my grandmother's house at unexpected times. She eventually figured out that it was when they were in trouble at home. The day they showed up with their little brother in tow she knew they were in VERY big trouble. It worked out well for them, though, as my grandmother was wise enough to not get involved, but gave the kids a safe space to go for some distance while my aunt cooled down, and then they'd go back and face the music, so to speak, once everyone had some distance from the situation.

Ever watched the TV show "Everbody Loves Raymond"?

No.
When I was in middle school we moved to 8 acres next to my 70-year-old grandmother's 5 treed acres, and my cousins lived across the field. It was great.

First thought: I read an article just last week about how grandmothers make children's lives better. The article says grandfathers make little difference, but having a grandmother close enough to interact with Mom /children on a regular basis means that children have an amazingly better chance of survival ... and that Mom is likely to start having children at a younger age /have more children /and those children are going to turn out better. However, once Grandma turns 75, the data begins to skew the opposite direction ... a newborn who has a Grandma 75+ has a smaller chance of survival ... the idea being, a younger grandmother is a giver /bringer of assets, resources, help, whereas an older grandmother is a taker /resource-user (that is, she needs help from her children). I found the article interesting.

Second thought: I hadn't considered cousins. My cousins were always my best-best-best friends, and I would've LOVED to grow up within walking distance of them, but it gives me two thoughts:

- I'm one of 24 first cousins, and I'm in the "middle cousins group", which includes five girls born close together. Throughout our childhoods, the adults "classified us". I'm the oldest of that group and everyone always called me the smart girl. The next one was the athletic girl, the next was the pretty girl, then the good /sweetest girl, and the youngest was the hopeless one who was never going to amount to anything anyway. PLEASE don't do this to your kids. I never thought about it when I was a child, and I don't think it hurt me much (I mean, being the smart girl isn't bad), but it definitely hurt some of the others. You might guess that the hopeless one hasn't done particularly well in the world, but to give another example, "the pretty girl" became anorexic -- coincidence? The family told her it was "her identity" to be pretty.

- Cousins who live near each other will almost certainly go to school together too. That's a lot of togetherness.

I would also make very clear that there is no "venue shopping". A child gets into a bit of trouble, maybe grounded, and parents are like SO UNFAIR :),

Yes, parents need to be allowed to be parents.

Over time, first one on and then the other built houses on the land and when they did, their father deeded them land for the house and additional acreage. This turned out to be very important.

This makes me think of a friend of mine who's been in an ugly situation for 6-7 years. She married a man who was divorced /had a couple children, and then they had a child of their own. They lived on HIS family land, and they had cousins /grandparents in close proximity, and all was well for many years -- all the children are grown up, married, some living elsewhere. Then he died.

The man was barely in the ground 'til the children from his previous marriage came to my friend saying, "When are you moving out? We'll be happy to help you move. Help you get settled -- but we're looking forward to moving into Dad's house /our house now. We're sure you understand; you're not a real family member, so get off our land." He died without a will, but as his legal wife, she inherited everything -- plus she'd lived in that house /paid the mortgage /paid for a remodel. She had thought to live in the house the rest of her life /leave it to the children together ... but after this situation went on and on, she eventually sold the family house /bought a townhouse in the city ... as you can imagine, the family fall-out has been bad. She had mistakenly thought she was on good terms with her stepchildren.

Moral: If you're sharing with family, especially old family land, think beyond your own generation... don't keep your thoughts a secret, and make it legal.

I am no longer married, sooooo don’t have to worry about that opinion.

What a wonderful opportunity for all.