I'm so sorry you're going through this. My go-to questions used to be: 1. are they in pain, and 2. do they still seem to enjoy moments in their days? Because pain medication can address #1 indefinitely, I tend to focus on #2.

My sister is going through a similar situation with her dog. Her close friend, who's a vet, has reassured her that she (vet) has never seen a patient put down prematurely. But, ultimately, I believe my sister... and you... and your beloved pets, will know when it's time.

My heartbreaks for you! I was told once that yes, we do usually keep them too long. It is just so so hard.

sas, I’m I’m so very sorry that your cat is having difficulty. It can be very difficult to know how an animal feels, but perhaps even more so with cats than dogs.

The dog we let go a few years ago, it was just too hard for me watching her stumble and fall as she walked— made more difficult by the fact that she was still enjoying all her meals. Eating and drinking, urinating and defecating are some of the standard qualifications. After that, can she make herself comfortable and happy.

I’m so sorry, sas.

I never know the answer to this myself. It’s heartwrenching.

I hope for peace and comfort for you both. ❤️

We are in the same situation with a possible brain tumor with small seizures. She's been rallying right away but this week she seems to have lingering effects, but then she's back to herself when we think the time has come. It's so hard to know.

We emailed our vet yesterday to ask about end-of-life measures. Her response:

If she is still grooming herself, engaging with the family and eating ok-- then we just carry on day to day.

Another vet once said "Pets don't understand quantity of life. They only understand quality of life."

I am so sorry. We just went thought this in early February with our beloved Clementine, and many others on here have had to do this, as well.

I will share a few observations.

One, there are a lot of good checklists. eg https://www.americanhumane.org/fact-sheet/euthanasia-making-the-decision/#:~:text=He%20has%20lost%20interest%20in,chronic%20labored%20breathing%20or%20coughing.

Our dog was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma. Surgery and chemo would have been risky and only added a month or two at best. The vet suggested we put her down the day of the diagnosis.

It was too out of the blue for us. We took her home. We kept a vigil by her side, sleeping on the sofa next to her because she could not do the steps. All of the kids came to spend time with her. She was not in any evident pain. She was just very lethargic. She ate and drank, but far less than usual. She sometimes wagged her tail, but far less than usual. She was able to go outside to do her business, but it got harder for her to walk. The day we decided it was time, she wouldn't eat at all and she fell. It breaks my hear to even write that, poor girl.

This was a little more than 2 weeks from diagnosis. In the intervening weeks, I had found a hospital that was open 24/7 for pet euthanasia. I had arranged everything with them and prepaid, including cremation. I did not want to be standing there doing any paperwork when the time came. By arranging everything in advance, we would just go when we were ready.

One specific thing we did in re euthansia I found very helpful. I did not want to see her literally being ... sorry for the word ... killed. I read about another approach. They put an IV, in and while you are there with your pet, they put in a sedative to simply and literally put them to sleep. We stayed with her while they did that, and when we left, she was sleeping peacefully. The actual euthansia took place after we left. The staff were super, and the room we were in was so comfy and homey, ironically like a luxury birthing room. A sofa, soft lighting. The dog was on a gurney at our level so we didn't need to sit on the floor.

It went as well as it could. And was utterly heartbreaking. I have never seen my DH more upset.

I wish you the very best and hope that some of this might resonate/help. I will now break my own rule and offer a stupid virtual hug to you. {{{{ hugs }}}}

I'm really sorry. :( I definitely feel like you can wait too long, as you found. I have five cats and have said goodbye to many more than that over the years; a couple of them I waited too long. My gauge is how well they're eating and if they're still enjoying their food, do they still enjoy any of their favorite activities, how much weight have they lost, are they in pain, can they still get to the litter box, are they stressed by medication being administered or anything else, like regular vet visits or if I have to be gone a lot, etc. All of that factors into my decision.

The last two times I went through this with any of my cats, they were in decline with kidney failure. They were losing weight and vigor. Several options were proposed to me by my vet, yet I knew where this was going. I decided not to play the waiting game and said goodbye perhaps a bit earlier than others might. It's hard. My #1 criterion is their comfort and quality of life. I loved them enough to let them go, albeit a little soon.

So sorry. From your description, it sound like it is time, or very close to it. It is always hard to make that decision, but when a pet is obviously declining, loosing weight, not eating and/or more, it is time.

I lost my heart dog the week of Thanksgiving 2022. She was 11yo, and I had only got to love her for 6yrs. Looking back, in my gut I felt something was wrong, but vet said we would just watched her bloodwork numbers, so we did for over a year. Then I took her to a new vet one morning when her stomach seemed swollen and her breathing was abnormal. They had an ultrasound. She had cancer that had spread to numerous locations.

After allowing one cat to pass naturally at home (it was not pleasant), I decided I would never do that again. I decided I would let them go, rather than keep here for me.

I bet he has had a wondeful 14yrs filled with love.

I'm sorry you are facing this decision. It's never easy. Because animals are 'programmed' to not show pain in order to mask their weakness to a predator, we don't really know what pain they are feeling. But you know your cat and can tell he is behaving differently, acting protectively of his body. Eating less is one thing, and may only signal slowing down but refusing food is another. I agree you will know. I think our animals give us clear signals. We just have to shush our hearts and let our brains get the message.

So sorry you are going through this. We are in a similar situation.

We had to bring our dog to an emergency vet that had a cardiologist. We learned that our dog has congestive heart failure with tumors growing around his lungs. The vet advised to put him down right then!

He saw the cardiologist next. He responded wellm to the first dose of meds. Long story short the meds are keeping him stable.

We are taking things day by day. But when he stops eating, has difficulty getting up and walking and has accidents in the house, we will reevaluate.

My suggestion is to keep watching. You don't want him to get to the same place as your other cat.

At this point in time, my dog is happy and is participating in life.

I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I can't tell you how helpful this is to read all of your comments.

I am very sorry about Clementine, Mtnrd, and for everyone else who is going through something similar now.

Thank you, SAS.

@eld6161 - same experience with the vet giving the diagnosis and assuming we would then just put her down, essentially "while we were there." You did the right thing. I am glad you and he are still enjoying life together.

Mtn, It was Jan 30. They gave me the name of a vet that comes to your home. I spoke with her and I liked that she wasn’t quick to make the appointment after hearing our story. She explained a view options.

Always good to have a plan in place.

SAS, you will know since you had a previous experience. Just listen to your heart.

Mtn, I'm so sorry about your dear Clementine, and for sas as you deal with your kitty, and Barncatz, and all of us who have had to say goodbye to our blessed animals.

Oh boy - so sorry you are facing this - it's such a difficult time. I think like Feathers - are they suffering pain (that could be addressed) and are they having any joy in life or are they just winding down suffering. Our last cat was clearly in pain and we acted quickly with no hesitation. It was the best Kevorkian end of life experience we've had with any of our cats. A Lap of Love vet came to the house (during Covid no less) and our Mimi laid on her favorite blanket on the bed. The vet gave her a quick, easy shot to sedate her so she wouldn't know what was going on. We said our good-byes and then she got the final injection. It was totally peaceful and she was in her happy place - not at the vet after a car ride.

We've had two cats go on their own - one that I gave leftover buprenorphine to to make sure he wasn't in pain. DH did not want to have the Kevorkian treatment and I didn't want him to suffer so this worked out okay. The cat was just sleeping peacefully for the last couple days at the end so he didn't seem to be suffering.

Another time one of my CRF cats was having seizures and when I came home and found him in his own urine because he couldn't get down from the bed to go to the litter box I decided that he should not suffer in that way. DH was out of the country and I had to make the decision myself. I had some pills from the vet to sedate him so he wouldn't be upset by the car ride. Now that I know I can have a compassionate, caring end of life vet come to the house I would never do it any other way. Will be thinking of you.

3katz, I have already decided that I am going to have someone come to the house when it's time. The car has always been so stressful for him, and I don't want his last moments to be the hated car ride.

I fed him some tuna tonight and he ate a decent amount of it. He is hanging out a little with us, but not much. I have a feeling it will be this week some time.

Sas, I'm so sorry. My Lizzie is getting very close because she's going downhill pretty fast. The way I did it with my late 20 yr old cat was leave her be unless she showed obvious pain, which she didn't. She was walking slow but still eating, couldn't jump up on anything. One day she couldn't stand up at all. That's when we put her down.

The best thing our vet said to us was to don't be afraid to make the last day a good day. Our girl had an inoperable tumor that was slowly obstructing her intestines. After she had a couple of restless uncomfortable nights in a row we decided it was time. Took her to her favorite park, stopped at Starbucks and ordered her favorite treat, let her eat the whole thing, and then went to the vet.

It's a good and bittersweet memory for us. And I think it was better than rushing her to the vet because of a dramatic emergency.

So sorry you're going through this. It's always hard.

It is always such a heartbreak when you know it is time to let go. We had Lap of Love come to our house for both our last two dogs (mother-son team). Our son and daughter-in-law came, too. The son developed a neurological issue of some kind, but after trying different possible treatments (we were not going to do surgery), the vet suggested trying steroids. That brought him back to his normal, playful, joyful self and we had almost a year more with him. Iwill always be grateful for that. Then the doc said to try lowering the dosage and that was a mistake. He always loved snow and he left us on the day of our first snow in December. He just wanted to lie outside and I kept bringing him in (all 90 lbs of him) because I didn't want him to freeze. Lap of Love was running a little late due to the snow and the last time I brought him in he came in, he just went. Quietly and peacefully with all of us there.

I am so sorry to hear all the stories, but we all go through it multiple times and the joy they bring to us is beyond what we deserve. I think our animals are far better than we are.

Sas95 We recently went through this with our 13+ Scarlett. It was a very peaceful experience as we helped her pass to the rainbow bridge.

I really can’t add much more to what has been stated other than it is the hardest decision but the last act of love we give our pet(s). Sure we would have loved to take her home and just keep status quo but that would have been selfish of us. The quality of life was no longer there.

@mtnrd I am so sorry to hear that your sweet Clementine girl also went to rainbow bridge.

I'm so sorry. You don't always know, but you know if it's too soon, it won't be too soon by much. We can't know how much they suffer, but we know that they will always try to hide their actual suffering, so whatever we see, it's probably worse.

We knew with Emily as she told us. She looked at us in the eye and essentially asked us to end her suffering. We contacted the vet the day before and paid the bill, so on that day, we didn't have to deal with any of that. We were in the room when he put her to sleep and OD'd her on that drug to stop her heart. It was very easy and simple and gave us comfort being there with her until the end. She was the sweetest most empathetic cat ever. I still miss her.

I'm so, so sorry ((((((hugs))))))... My oldest DD is a hospice vet. She goes to people's homes not only to euthanize a pet but also to provide care for animals for whom it is difficult or painful to leave the house. She often begins to work with clients exactly at the stage you are at, and whether it takes months or years, she not only provides various treatments and medicines, but also counsels her clients, who almost all have this question. She's told me that the biggest mistake her clients make is waiting too long -because of course nobody wants to face this, and we all want as much time as we can get. But waiting too long sometimes means a lot of pain for an animal, and also sometimes means a much more difficult death (seizures, etc.). I think if you Google hospice vet in your area, you may well find someone. They are much more popular than they used to be.

The last cat that we had to decide told us. He was 19 and we knew the time was coming near. I was watching him walk down the hall one day, so slowly, he sat down and looked at me and I knew. He was ready. Gosh he's been gone for years and I still cry. Julius was the best cat ever.

better a week early than a day late. dont be a day late

My black floofy cat went downhill during 2020 when everything at the vet was curbside, but they said that they would let people in for euthanasia. That made things more complicated. He had an osteosarcoma but he lived more than a year and was taking pain meds. Instead we decided to go with Lap of Love and have them come to the house, which seemed to be the least stress for all of us. I would definitely do that again. Hope we have a few more years before we need to think about this again.

It’s not likely they will pass on their own, but that could happen. He was having trouble getting around so that was the sign.

Science,g

Sas, I'm so sorry. It's hard. I know.

In 2020, Our 14 yo cat stopped washing, stopped eating. He couldn't jump up on the bed. He looked disoriented, confused. We took him in...was diagnosed with cancer.....it was time.

One of the vets we saw with our last dogs said he used a quilty of life rule of thumb, considering 3 things they really enjoyed and when they could no longer enjoy 2 of the three. I think that helps in some situations and not with others -- and it can be entirely dependent on which 3 things you pick. When eating and mobility are impacted by something that is progressive rather than temporary, I think you are right to be asking. The mobility issues seem like they are evidence of pain, and that's definitely not a good quality of life. It's tough, regardless, and I feel for anyone having to deal with the question. Wishing you the best with making a difficult decision.

@sas95, just wanted to check in to let you know you're in my thoughts. I know this is so painful. I'm trying to take comfort in the returning spring, but grief can't be denied, especially sometimes because it is so isolating. I understand and I'm sorry.

@barncatz, thank you so much. We have an appointment scheduled tomorrow with a hospice vet who will come to our house. I would have done it today, but I absolutely need to be in the office. It is definitely time. Every time I look at my little guy or even think about him I start to cry, but I know I am doing the right thing for him.

@sas95 I'm so sorry you are having to make this decision. It is never easy losing a beloved pet.

We just went through it a week ago with our 13.5lb lab. It was a sudden decision for us, as he woke up one morning and was unable to use his hind legs anymore. Just like that! He had been slowly progressing downward (couldn't see or hear well) but thought we had more timeas he was still eating, drinking and running around the yard the day before. My son was leaving for a two week trip to Ireland the morning we discovered his condition, so had to say his goodbyes right before he left. We waited an extra day as our youngest was coming home for spring break so we wanted to give her the chance to say goodbye. Unfortunately, our other son was out of the country for his spring break and we had to break the news.

Even tho you know it's the right thing to do, it is still incredibly difficult. Sending you some strength for getting through this sad time.

@4kids4us I’m so sorry for your loss.

sas85....hugs to you. I know how difficult it is.

((((hugs)))

I'm just going to share a book recommendation again. It's The Grieving Brain by Mary Frances O'Connor, a neuro scientist. One point she emphasizes is that to move through the worst grief, our brains have to literally learn that our loved one is not going to reappear (in this life, if you believe in other reunions). So she encourages grievers not to engage in the "what-ifs" or "could have/should have" regrets.

That's because when we think that, we keep our loved ones alive in that part of our brain which has not yet learned otherwise. For example, thinking "If I had put Molly's eye visor on, not her fly mask...." is using a part of my brain where Molly is still alive, wearing her eye visor. That results in the anguish from the contradiction since she is, in another part of my brain, not alive outside wearing her visor.

Grief eases as the contradiction eases, but not if we don't help the brain habituate to the absence. (O'Connor says that sense of "wrongness", from them not being where the brain expects them to be in our lives, will ease for all losses but for some, never disappears totally. I know that's also true for me.)

I’m sorry. It’s such a difficult thing. We had a vet come to the house for our last two dogs. It was very peaceful.

@4kids4us....I'm so sorry for your loss. We also had that situation, years ago, a 12 yo German Shepherd. It was time. It is soooooooooooooooooo hard.

I am really sorry, 4kids4us. Weird how you think you have time because things seem pretty normal, and then suddenly they're not.

I think because we are with them every day, it is hard for us to see. Also, pets tend to keep things hidden until they no longer can. ((hugs)) to you tonight, tomorrow and in the days after.

I'm posting this link and hope it doesn't poof. I randomly ran across the article and comments in the late afternoon after a truly bad day missing my horses. I believe, and it sounds so weird, that my mare was comforting me and reminding me that though one dimension of her being is gone, not all has disappeared, and our love abides. Hope someone else enjoys it.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/12/magazine/deathbed-visions-research.html