How about something like a nice back rub or foot rub?

Would you believe I've been his daughter-in-law, married to his son, for 36 years, and I can't even begin to imagine him allowing me, or anyone, to touch him. Sad, isn't it?

It's complicated. His first wife, the love of his life and my husband's mother, died suddenly, at the young age of 46. Back then, he was so much fun and so happy and loving. Five years after her death, he married a "she-devil." She had been married twice before, and was used to being waited on hand and foot. Her own children said that she was a golddigger and only watching out for herself. She also has done her best in trying to alienate my father-in-law from his two sons.

Sorry to ramble, but even if we were to attempt to give him a nice back or foot rub, she'd be blocking his bed so we couldn't get near.

It's gotten to the point that we have to visit his dad, unannounced. It only lasts a short time, because she calls him constantly and if she finds out we're there, she makes a bee line to the nursing home. When she shows up, she takes over the entire conversation, while he sits quietly in bed and we listen for the umpteenth time about her glory days when she was young.

Ho, ho, ho......

Does he like to read or work any kind of word puzzles? How about a big basket full of candies, cookies, maybe some hand or body lotions?

Maybe a favorite meal from a favorite restaurant?

I'm very sorry to hear he's not able to get around. I'm sure the thing he enjoys best is visitors.

Thanks, sandi. I was thinking along that same vein - fixing a goodie basket. He's quit reading, pretty much, but we gave him a tv a few years ago and seems to really enjoy it.

He does love company, so we'll do our best to make our time with him special.

Wodka, I think a goodie basket would be great for him. I would also think about including some word games or something to stimulate his mind. It must be boring having nothing to do except watch tv. You could ask the nurses what might be good for someone with his condition.

Goody baskets are what our garden club members do for nursing home patients, but we have to be sure what we put in them and always ask the administrator what is allowed. You know PC has run rampant over all things including what can be taken to a patient, so just be sure of that. Is he allowed to shave himself (electric razor?). Does he need skin care accoutrements? Does he need PJs and/or a robe?

My DH is confined to a wheelchair and doesn't do much but watch TV so I bought him DVD's for Christmas.

If he likes sweets I think a gift basket of different things is a great idea.

So sorry to hear about the wife, met a few of them in my day.

When my mother was in a nursing home she also had a sweet tooth and especially LOVED when I brought in a real "Dairy Queen" sundae - or even a "real" hamburger from the diner or a real deli sandwich. (Just different from the food from the kitchen and like the food she enjoyed when she worked and went out to lunch with her friends.) I would go to visit him on that special day with a great sandwich or whatever kind of meal you think is "right" and a great dessert for him!

I don't think that Christmas or any particular holiday means all that much to our loved ones, its just another day. He will just be happy to see you and the gift isn't all that important. Consistency is - visit as much as you can and oversee his care as much as you can.

I know you want SOMETHING for the special day - but really - just a small, special decorated sweet for him and maybe a batch of cupcakes for the staff could be nice. Remember, his needs are little, his world is small right now.

Does he have a VCR/DVD player.He might like some of the old tv shows like Jackie Gleason,Mayberry,Bonanza ,ya know the oldies.They would sure help the time pass for him.Is he able to sit in a chair??
Kathi

Thank you all for your ideas - I think I'm going to make my own goodie basket - I remember when he still lived at home, he loved the little hershey's kisses and would leave the little foil wrappers all over the house. (The "Diva" would fuss about it.) Also, there's a local restaurant that makes the best brownies in the world - addictive. We bought some once, and he and my husband sat there, eating them, in pure bliss!

I ordered a small floral holiday arrangement to be delivered to his wife, (my husband loved the idea - it will keep us from having to see her to deliver a gift.)

It's terrible to think that way about a person, especially during the holidays. I really tried to keep the lines of communication open, but it began to take a toll on my health. To say she can suck the life and happiness out of a room is an understatement. We have all kept quiet about it, because we would never want to upset my father-in-law. I imagine he knows, though, God bless him.

Having just lost my Dad in August to Alzheimer's, I can so honestly tell you that while the gift basket is wonderful, spending time with him, without "His Mrs", will be so important.....for this holiday and every other one that comes in the future while he is alive and then gone. When he is gone, you will be proud you spent precious time with him.
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Maddya

How about a photo album of his favorite places around his hometown. If he was a golfer it could include the clubhouse, fisherman, his favorite lake..Also, pictures of his friends and family and pets. As time goes by it's a good way to start a conversation by showing him the visual reminders.

When my DH was in the nursing home I use to bring soap and lotions because the stuff they used dried out his skin.

Not sure how many of you have had family with Alzheimer's disease, but working a VCR would lead to confusion and a picture book requires patience, which is not a symptom of Alzheimer's. The Hershey's kisses and so forth, spending time are the most important gifts. Of course, I always think even though they may not know, they can use the lotions and skin moisturizers and hopefully the staff will not take them for their own. Sad, but this does happen.

Thank you all so much. I've got a decorative tin filled with all kinds of sweets I know he'll enjoy. My mother has bought him a box of pralines that she wants us to take to him, so his sweet tooth will be happy for a long while! Plus, this might sound strange, but we just moved into our new house last month and developed some 8x10's of the house to put in a scrapbook to show him (since he'll never be able to come down here.) I remember him looking at our photos of our devastation and slab after Katrina took our house and he was so sad about it, kind of overwhelmed by it, which we all were. I just thought this would be something kind of fun to give him something to look at and possibly talk about.

Anyway, we head up in the morning, and I'm excited about it. Merry Christmas to you all.