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maryellenr_gw

How do you cope when everything is a mess???

maryellenr
14 years ago

OK. So, I have 3 children and a hubby and I need someone to tell me to take a deep breath and everything will be ok.

Cabinets are ripped out, no plumbing in kitchen. We are living like we are camping I guess, but still have our beds and a bathroom. This will probably last another 2 weeks. Floors are getting sanded today, so I am quite sure dust will be EVERYWHERE. Garage is also a mess because I decided to have that finished along with the kitchen (what on earth was I thinking??). I am gearing up to leave for Cincinnati to run a 1/2 marathon this weekend and I think I hurt my lower back while moving some furniture with my husband last night.

Can anyone give me some words of encouragement by chance? I am really wondering why I started this kitchen project right now - well, I am also planning a graduation party for June 19th so I wanted everything done by then. Nothing like putting a little pressure on myself. Yikes.

Comments (26)

  • User
    14 years ago

    Go shopping!

  • eastbaymom
    14 years ago

    Get a massage...

  • ginabmg
    14 years ago

    I am in the same boat you are in... kitchen and powder room torn out, floors due to be sanded today... frustration over all the other things in my house that are getting wrecked b/c these guys are all idiots... I could go on and on... I have started buying myself new things for the kitchen... ordering on line... the boxes should start arriving soon, that will make me feel a little better.... that and wine, sweets, etc.. Everyone says it will be worth it in the end... I am praying I will feel that way soon... sending you a big hug, hope today is a good day at your place!!!

  • jrueter
    14 years ago

    Hang in there. It won't last forever, although I guarantee that it will feel like it is lasting forever. Try to focus on some little things that you enjoy (massage, shopping for new kitchen things, ice cream, wine - whatever works for you) and try to keep the end in sight. Document the daily progress. Get excited about the end result. Let yourself vent some frustration once in a while (preferably here where we understand and not at DH or 3 kids). Plan an awesome graduation party and reveal of the new kitchen. I think the other thing that helped me was knowing how many other people here are going through/have been through the same thing and they seem to have all made it through ok, so I am sure you can too.

  • cat_mom
    14 years ago

    Some days the messes (we have multiple rooms of messes!) get to me and other days I am able to keep the blinders fully functioning. :-)

    The only thing keeping me sane through our current two bathroom renovation right now, is the knowledge that I survived the kitchen reno, and I ended up with the kitchen that I did when it was completed. I know the bathrooms will also turn out beautifully. I am hoping against hope though, that they will be completed (or at the very least, one will be) before mid-June. My parents are expected then and I am becoming slightly worried as the days and weeks tick by...

  • riverspots
    14 years ago

    It's a planned renovation, after all-not some unforseen natural disaster. Take a trip to a homeless shelter and be thankful you're only dealing with a little dust in your home. Visit someone in hospice and be thankful that you'll live to see the end of the renovation. If having a party is too much pressure for you, then have it at a restaurant or park.

  • chicagoans
    14 years ago

    The massage is a great idea - physical and mental relief. Take lots of pictures of this horrid stage so that when it's done you can compare the beauty to the disaster that was.

    I love the comparison to camping. Maybe you can fire up the grill for dinner, and while it's warm have the kids toast marshmallows and make some s'mores.

    It's great that you're a runner. That will help you blow off some stress! Good luck with your race.

  • michellemarie
    14 years ago

    Bailey's Irish Creme!

  • doonie
    14 years ago

    maryellen,

    I am in your shoes! I have three kids too and currently I am without kitchen. We got our floors refinished and stairs redone too. Our cars don't fit in the garage due to the supplies. Good for you that you are able to train for the half. I haven't taken the time to run/excercise during this process and I really should! My eldest graduates May 20th and I have family from out of town coming in! So, at least you have a little more time. I think I'll end up catering hers. Go running, and run hard; that is advice I need to heed as well!

  • bmorepanic
    14 years ago

    Watch a movie. Much better than worrying about the dirt. If you can find a free or reduced price one away from the house - even better.

  • formerlyflorantha
    14 years ago

    I always say, "Some day we'll laugh about this." Then I try to picture myself long ahead in the future, with the assurance that indeed, those moments are long gone.

  • dancingcook
    14 years ago

    Take the hubby and the kids to a restaurant! Run that marathon, it will cheer you up immensely. Go shopping, eat chocolate or ice-cream or whatever helps you feel better. Keep the end in sight - because it will end at some point. And, take lots of pics at each stage - the mess, the plastic taped over doorways, the sanders, the boxes of cabinets. Then you can show everyone at the graduation party/big reveal of the kitchen just what you've been through, and enjoy their "oohs and aahhs" over your lovely new space :) Realize that even if the kitchen isn't totally finished in time for the grad party, you can still throw a terrific party - I found that people were really interested in seeing the kitchen in whatever stage it was in, and didn't mind in the least that it wasn't perfect! Good luck - and share the pics with this forum, we love seeing pics at all stages.

  • bluestarrgallery
    14 years ago

    don't run the marathon if you hurt your back, put ice on it. lie flat on your stomach with your arms at your sides with the ice pack on and sleep on your side with a pillow between your knees to ankle.

    drink some wine

    good luck

  • rjr220
    14 years ago

    Maryellen;

    I'm in the same spot: we have reached the max destruction point today. I am tired of the fine dust, but "it is what it is". I remind myself that there is NO WAY that I could have ever imagined while growing up that I would have a such a wonderful husband and children, or that I would have the opportunity to plan and remodel a space into a lovely, comfortable kitchen for my friends and family to gather in.

    I take comfort that the project thus far has not run into any major unforseen problems. The carpenter, while recessing the frig poked a hole thru the opposite wall -- I discovered this while on the phone at night. I laughed and laughed, even though it really isn't funny, because I am grateful that that has been the biggest problem thus far. The worker bees have showed up on time, my family is surviving on easy food, and eating on paper and plastic means no dishes.

    It soon will end, we will have comfy kitchens that we can show off to our peeps here. Go lay down and ice your back. Reconsider the 1/2 marathon, as you will need your back to be 100% to move the stuff back in to the kitchen. Take a walk, get a pedicure, go to a movie with that time instead.

  • jaksopcam
    14 years ago

    (((Hugs))) to you maryellenr. Been there, done that. Well, except for the marathon part!

    I too have 3 kids and we redid the whole main floor of our house and I was without a kitchen for about 6 months. Getting the contractors to finish things was like pulling taffy. About 6 months into the project I got sciatica and was in excruciating pain and had to go to physical therapy. I'm not telling you this as "poor me" but just to let you know that you are not alone.

    Take care of that back! Whether it is with a chiropractor, ice or a massage - do it! I think exercise will help with the stress.

    I found it incredibly helpful to do what you are doing and vent to my fellow Garden Web-ers. I could be freaking out about something major like being told my fridge is not going to fit (it did) to the wrong color cabinet pulls. Or how about the time when my sister came by and had the nerve to make a comment about me serving her red wine in a champagne glass. Meanwhile I was thrilled to be drinking out of something other than a paper cup! No matter what it was I found a sympathetic ear here. So come by anytime and vent!!!!

    i did take pictures constantly, which at the time depressed me because I could only focus on the slow progress but now I chuckle at the photo of the easter decoration taped on the plastic sheeting.

    Like rjr, I never imagined being so blessed with my family or thought I'd have a house that was beautiful (to me!). I actually had the UPS guy gush over the house. I used to tell people to get to my house by having them look for the "really pretty victorian... now go across the street." That's why you are doing this - to give yourself a beautiful space.

    My contractors were just here today (6 months later) to finish the laundry list of items that were pending. And I actually called my husband amongst the hammering and scurry of dirty workboots and told him... "I miss this!" He told me I'm insane and hung up on me.

  • Gena Hooper
    14 years ago

    Everything will be okay.

    I have three kiddos also, and have a reno planned for this summer. I'm not looking forward to those reno months. All those little tasks like grabbing a glass of ice water or milk for my littles will be made so much more difficult. That adds up over time. Plus having the kiddos at home and out of trouble while work is being done/dust generated/mess made.

    I haven't gone through it yet so I have little advice. Just empathy. Try to take as much off your plate as possible. Don't fret about the mess. It'll be cleaned up once everything is done.

    Good luck on the half! I wish my knees would tolerate that kind of distance. I did a triathlon a couple of summers ago, and it was the best experience!

  • graciepunkin
    14 years ago

    Wine helped at first but then I switched to Crystal Light with a wee bit of vodka to cut calories. I call it a redneck martini :-)

  • shanghaimom
    14 years ago

    At first I tried to keep up with the dust, but our kitchen/family room reno went from Aug 15th to January 15th...life was much better after I gave up. I would do a "major" dust cleanup about once every 1.5 weeks. Wine was a huge help--have you noticed in everyone's photo posts that there is always a laptop with a GLASS OF WINE next to it on the counter???

    If you are used to having your house somewhat tidy, a remodel can give you hives. Boxes of stuff everywhere, with stuff spilling out because you are always rummaging through looking for something. The dust. Consider it a time when you give yourself a break--everyone understands, "Excuse the mess, we are remodeling." In fact, I kinda miss having that blanket excuse!!!

    It is all very much worth the trouble, in the end!

  • maryellenr
    Original Author
    14 years ago

    THANK YOU so much for all your words of encouragement. My back is feeling MUCH better and today is a NEW day....a better day.

    I can get through this!!!!!!!!!

  • firstmmo
    14 years ago

    Hang in there MaryEllen:
    Just today I woke up to more rain and felt like having a pity party. I couldn't shake myself out of the disappointment in knowing that each day it rains, a few more things don't get done....here in California we are SOOOO wimpy and somehow everything comes to a screeching halt when it rains.

    I seriously think that this remodel has permanently scarred my relationship with my mom (we have lived with her for 14 months now and are living out of cardboard boxes), and I am not sure some days how I am going to get to the next day without a glass of wine, a tranquilizer and an anti-depressant.....then miraculously, some days I just feel grateful, happy and am embracing the process. I just think we need to forgive ourselves at times--this is hard (not life-threatening, but hard) and some days we just aren't so chipper as we would hope--even if we are totally blessed and grateful that we are getting these fabulous kitchens, some days we just are frustrated by the process.

    We are all with you--we are all cheering for you--we are all waiting for pics of your finished kitchen!

    Run girl run! (I teach spinning, so I know how physically tiring it can be when you are mentally tired too!)

  • pinch_me
    14 years ago

    At least it didn't blizzard! See? It could be worse;-)

    You'll find that the flavors of dust are very easy to distinguish before you're done.

  • km5tq
    14 years ago

    Hi Merryellenr,
    I don't have children,but I sure know the feeling of having my house in an uproar. All of us that are going through any remodeling or just upgrading is nerve wracking!

    Since you still have your bathroom, try taking a long, leisurely bath. Light some candles, turn lights off and soak your troubles away. Some would probably say drink some booze,but you might get so relaxed you would drown...smile.
    The warm,soaking bath should help your back, too.

    Treat this whole thing as one of life's little setbacks.
    Try to find some humor during the whole process..hard to get upset if your laughing..lol

    Bless your heart. Good luck and enjoy the run.

  • formerlyflorantha
    14 years ago

    I think I need the wine this morning already. Power company has showed up, worker has drawn a circle around the power pole in back yard in fluorescent paint, says he doesn't know why, he's just the messenger, the army is to follow, but he suspects the pole is coming down for some reason. Meanwhile, the DH the Sweaty Equity has taken a day off to look for morel mushrooms and get some r&r. Our temp. kitchen is a camper and it's in the path of the power line work and I cannot do anything about the positioning of it because the tow car is also gone for mushrooms. And the whole camper has stuff strewn about because the kitchen has moved into it, but I'm not going to pack it up again in order to move the camper unless I know I have to. So it goes. Naturally, it's overcast and threatening rain, which we can use, but it does nothing for MY morale.

    On the good side, though, I can see progress in the new space. DH has figured out how to shim the marriage of two floors and has hired a consultant to help him think through some structural and electrical issues. And the landscaper left on Monday giving me the assurance about the driveway and sidewalk that "this is going to work out." Her drawings will be available soon!

    Come to think of it, I'll stick to coffee, at last until noon.

  • eks6426
    14 years ago

    Keep your eye on the end result. It'll be worth it. I am mostly done. Went through the same sort of remodel with the floors and such. At one point, everything kitchen and dining room related was in the living room. We were cooking with a microwave and a toaster oven in our ONE bathroom upstairs (only circuit that could handle them left). The only place to sit in the house was either on our beds or in the mostly finished basement. While the floors were being done we could not get from upstairs to the basement without going outside...So, for several weeks we cooked upstairs in the bathroom and then carried our plates down the stairs, out the front door, around the house to the side door and in then down to the basement. We were doing this of course in the dead of winter and it was often snowing so hard that our food was covered with snow by the time we got around the house. It was so ridiculous that all we could do was laugh so we wouldn't cry.

    But now that we are almost done (down to finish work like light switches & trim), it was so worth it.

    Hang in there. It will be ok. Just think how beautiful it's going to be in just a few weeks!

  • e4849
    14 years ago

    I'm on week 3 and it's like living in some sort of weird alternate reality. I have nothing in the front rooms, the kitchen, or the family room. I am living, by myself, in my bedroom and camping in the bathroom with a mw/toaster oven/coffe maker. However, all 4 cats are up there too, totally terrified by the strange men who make loud noises. The weather has been so awful I can't put them outside, which would help ease the strain. I'm beginning to feel a bit psychotic now. The cats and I roam the empty house at night, wondering what happened to our house and stuff.

  • doonie
    14 years ago

    Johny Cash & some wine....