You exiting color tones are "warm gray"...a charcoal gray is usually a more cool gray. I would keep to the warmer grays (aka greige, taupey colors). Your kitchen fits your home pretty well right now....I might reconsider just because the oak wood will wear better over time. Painted finishes need a lot of touching up over the years. And if you cook a lot? Even more so. Might ask here how people like their 'site painted white cabinets' as well? I know you want to brighten it up some, but it looks nice with your cozy warm tones. I think it'd look nice to do a darker stain on the perimeter and add more can lighting to brighten it up. And then paint the island a warm gray similar in tone to your couches.