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ttodd

Why My Home Is Still Undone 13yrs Later....

ttodd
10 years ago

I couldn't make a 'permanent' decision if my house selling, home decorating life depended on it. And this is also why I couldn't be an interior designer. I become paralyzed w/ fear when I have to make a decision if it's something that is not easily changed out like accessories, throw pillows and wall color.

I finally realized this last night to it's full extent when our kitchen faucet fell off in my hands and I was forced to have to go buy a new one on the spot. For years I have dreamed about a new kitchen. I have even posted about it here on occasion. I troll and tab kitchens in magazines and have a multitude of kitchens pinned to boards on my Pinterest account. My dad has designed my kitchen complete w/ custom built cabinets (we bagged that idea so that we can sell ASAP as soon as our porch is back in the front and other minor repairs and de-cluttering are done). I've traipsed the aisles at IKEA in search of quick cabinet and counter solutions. I've snapped so many pictures for inspiration while there. I've 'shopped' Ebay for cabinet and drawer pulls over and over.

And then I actually had to make a move last night.

I found myself at Lowes (yes that was me standing in the faucet aisle w/ a 4 yr. old skipping up and down the aisle bouncing her Od Navy balloon w/ a stick). On a side note thank heaven for that sales associate at ON - she gets a raise for forethought of giving a balloon to a preschooler pre-faucet shopping trip. She clearly knew that I wasn't prepared for the ordeal of a dire 'faucet making "OMG WILL THE WRONG FAUCET MAKE OR BREAK THE SALE OF MY HOUSE" decision' that was ahead of me.

Nevermind everything else that is falling apart around me. As if reality is really going to let my house NOT sell because of the wrong faucet choice trumping the giant wall crack in the hallway, the window pulleys that need fixed, the windows that are sliding down, the lack of storage etc.

Oh and then I had a budget of $100. That actually helped a lot because that narrowed my choices down to 2 options in the whole aisle. One was ORB and the other shiny polished silver. Both high gooseneck faucets. Perfect. But then the questions in my head started and they got louder and louder and I got more and more confused which did not calm them down at all (a shot of vodka would have been good to calm the nerves here). They were the rustic vs. country sophisticate personalities battling it out in my noggin.

"Which countertop am I going to do? Black, white, butcher block?" which led to:

"What color hardware will I use? ORB, black, silver?" to:

"Should I mix and match? Will that be eclectic cool? Will buyers think I'm crazy? Oh my gosh, should I mix and match paint color on my cabinets now? Should I mix and match countertops now?" Then:

"What about my light fixtures? They're all rusty fancy chandies w/ crystals. So Silver faucet? ORB faucet? Are my friends at GW still up? Should I post on FB? No - they will def. think I'm crazy and I see some of those people. Don't post - just pace this out and frantically scroll through Pinterest."

Haven't I been through this scenario in my head a billion times? I've planned. I've dreamed. It's just a faucet for Pete's Sake!

God Bless DD as nearly 45 minutes went by w/ me looking like a lunatic. I was at Lowes so long that the red blotches that broke out on her face and neck at Old Navy cleared up by the time we left Lowes. Because that was going to be a whole other frantic message to my nurse friend!
I decided the best decision was to grab and dash. Stop thinking - just go. They were getting ready to turn lights out.......

I got the silver one. They even gave me $10 off. I almost hugged someone.

Comments (24)

  • Pines Everywhere
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    OMG -- I love your post. You are a wonderful storyteller if not a decorator or re-modeller. May be you should write short stories for a living and hire someone to make your design decisions!

    Truly a delight to read -- thanks for sharing -- I'm sure you will love the silver faucet. :)

  • joaniepoanie
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Sometimes I am just as bad, you are definitely not alone....i.e.I fell in love with a granite at maybe the 4th place I went to, but could I leave well enough alone and just buy the one I liked on first glance? Of course not....there just MIGHT be a better one...so I have to check out every granite place within a 25 mile radius, spending days, weeks....only to go back and buy the one I liked in the beginning of the hunt. Did the same thing with a dress for my son's wedding!

  • beekeeperswife
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I like the silver one.

    (me pretending to see both of them)

    Ok, here's my best advice about getting the kitchen "done" for resale on a shoestring budget--get over to the kitchen forum. Too many people think that it's all high-end renos over there. Not true. You can take $500 and totally change the look of the room to make it more appealing to buyers. And it really is best to have a plan in place rather than, "I need to start right away". You know the golden triangle--high quality, low cost, quick speed...but you can only pick 2. Give yourself enough time so as not to need to rush it and be forced into buying things that are too expensive.

    So many great resources in the Philly area to make that kitchen a dream kitchen for a buyer!

    now go. Click on the kitchens tab right up "there".....

    Bee

  • bronwynsmom
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Dear one, this is what it feels like when we are completely overmatched by the marketing machine, compounded by the current cultural pressure on women to Never Make A Mistake.

    After all, look how much information is out there all the time, and what on earth is wrong with you if you can't just pick through everything in the world at lightning speed, sort the completely contradictory priorities of all the people and circumstances of your life, make all the people happy all the time, get the highest possible price for what you are selling and the lowest possible price for what you are buying, and oh, by the way, why isn't your dress pressed and your manicure pristine, and why didn't you clean those tiny flakes of onion skin out of your vegetable drawer???!!!

  • User
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I read a book a while back Fearless by Max Lucado it was very helpful in overcoming fears. Sometimes I have been literally paralyzed by fear.

    Congrats on making your silver decision. :D

  • Holly- Kay
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I just love your post Foxes! Indeed you are a wonderful story teller. I was LOL picturing you at Lowe's doing the kubooki dance in your head.ORB, PS, ORB PS?

    I laugh because I identify with it. I did the same with appliance finishes SS, BFG, SS, BFG? I knew I wanted the ease of black floating glass but wanted the shine of SS.

    Good luck to you dear, there are plenty of kindred spirits here, we will laugh with you and help you to sustain your sanity.

  • ttodd
    Original Author
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Choices, choices, choices!!!

    BKW - I'm thinking that I will be headed there mid August. I've decided to bag any reconfiguration of cabinetry unless the guy doing work on our house can reasonably swing the dishwasher around which will give me a bit more cabinetry space. I'm taking the doors off my current cabinets and dad is making new fronts that will match the 1 unit that we will make together. I'm not trying to blend the 2 different cabinets together so much at this point, the full new one will be painted a grey color that will be similar to the base cabinets that I am painting. Uppers will be white. Pulls probably black. Counter white, black, or faux marble formica. I don't care - I'm out!

    I refuse to spend a lot on this and I won't.

    CLBlakey - I've never heard anyone else mention Max Lucado. DH has read some of his books and gave a small one to me. Very powerful!

  • ttodd
    Original Author
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I must be too excited for vacation because half way through my thought to BKW I forgot to say that in September once the kids are back in school I'm taking another week off work and together w/ Dad working on the kitchen w/ him while DH is at work.

  • nosoccermom
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Same here. Sometimes it's because I want it to be perfect, sometimes because I know exactly what I want and can't find it. While there are lots of choices, it still seems that it's all the same.
    Pair this with a DH who is the opposite -- he looked at two houses and we had to make an offer on one of them, since he already had invested a few hours. --- and I freak out of fear of making the wrong decision.
    Oh, and I don't have the problem when dispensing advice to others.

  • sis2two
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Your post made my morning! Not only because I can identify ( it took me 8 mths. to pick wall paint for kitchen) but because you indeed have a gift for storytelling.
    In the end it will all turn out because you have a gift for decorating as well. I love your posts and your pictures. Keep em coming!

  • sis2two
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Your post made my morning! Not only because I can identify ( it took me 8 mths. to pick wall paint for kitchen) but because you indeed have a gift for storytelling.
    In the end it will all turn out because you have a gift for decorating as well. I love your posts and your pictures. Keep em coming!

  • User
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Glad DD's rash is gone ! You are an extremely entertaining writer :) It is only a kitchen...you know....c

  • brachl
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Great post, Foxes. You are a terrific writer. We are in year 4 or maybe 5 or 6 of our remodel (who can remember?). 95% done, but those last few choices are hard. And, trailrunner, it feels like so much more than a kitchen....

  • Vertise
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Only 45 minutes? WT...

    It's always nice to hear other people struggling with the same things. Especially when the guys all think it's just a faucet or a chunk of tile!

    Agree with Bronwynsmom and that marketing machine is a nightmare!

  • PRO
    Diane Smith at Walter E. Smithe Furniture
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I felt like I was right there with you. So fun to read!

    One little tip I will share on design decisions ... when I have a customer confronted with a lot of choices (fabrics are a good example) I have them quickly pull whatever hits them at first sight. Then take that group and do it again. Ten, fifteen minutes later we are usually narrowed down to a handful. It can turn hilarious pretty quickly too. Fabrics flying everywhere! On the other hand, faucets flying everywhere may not quite work, but ykwim!

  • awm03
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Ackkk!!! Not the silver one!!!

    Just teasing :)

    Thoroughly enjoyed your post, foxes. It's a wonderful tongue-in-cheek description of the agony we all put ourselves through over inconsequential purchases. Well, maybe not so inconsequential. Your little design steps will eventually add up to form the big picture -- and it will be a lovely one at that. I'll bet your new faucet is really sharp looking, and I hope you get much visual delight from it. Thanks for expressing your/our feelings so well.

  • madeyna
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Thanks for the smile. I have been there done that. Year 10 on the reno here.

  • desertsteph
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    until you mentioned your dd I thought maybe it was me posting - under a different name. Like I'd popped up in my sleep and posted.

    It certainly eases my stress level from being in the process of moving for about 3 yrs now. I actually moved my body over about a yr ago. Fortunately I had another mattress in the new place (cause the old one is still in the old place). Other than a ton of boxes that's about it in the new place. Oh, my tv is here.

    I still go over to the old place for refridge use. Many times a day. Go get lunch, go get ice... go make more ice, put lunch leftovers back in fridge... go to the grocery - split groceries. Things that need refridge or frzr go there - dry goods type stuff come here. Chocolate comes here - on ice from there.

    As for fixing up the new place - I made so many decisions and then changed them so many times that I completely changed my mind about even redoing the kitchen! Cleaning it was enough of a challenge. I bought a stove, dw and sink from CL, some flooring from Lowe's and will call it 'done'. Having a floor down made a world of difference!

    I went thru the faucet thing. Very stressful. My handiman thought 200.00 was a lot for a faucet. it isn't. I've narrowed it down to 2 or 3 and am saving my $s to buy one. Won't need it til sometime this coming yr anyway. He can put it in when he changes out the sink.

  • User
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Isn't it heartwarming to see how everyone can so relate to this? I can, I can.
    I havent done any redecorating/renovating for about 2 years now, but I can so relate to this. I finally had to keep reminding myself that of all the choices I was seriously considering, ANY one of them would be a marked improvement.I am going to check out the author above and I will mention Dan Ariely who writes about behvioral economics had an interesting piece on deciding between 2 tv's or some electronic thing .... his point was (and he does research on this stuff) of course side by side you certainly see the differences that maybe justify the price difference...........but once the item is home in your surrounding,s the differences are so less significant........dont know if that helps anyone else but it was interesting to me. (and it took me YEARS to find a color to paint my kitchen and family room. the good news is- it's been a few years already and I still love the color:)

  • jennybog
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    I think everyone can relate. I have been looking for a Decorating Buddy ever since my dd move 3 states away. A Decorating buddy knows our tastes, and budget. She can help guide us when we just aren't sure. If anyone is in New England and is looking for one give me a shout.
    I am a firm believer of briningg the item home and taking a look at it in your space. If you don't like it return it.

  • esga
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    What's great thread and thanks toTheFoxesPad for the delightful my written story that started it. I am a decision delayer and my recently acquired husband, with whom I do not yet live, is a pre-hoarder. That is, he has pretty good taste but becomes extremely attached to anything he takes in, and he doesn't see why he should stop acquiring things just because he doesn't need more. So if he likes it, he'll get it, but nothing ever goes out.

    We live about 10 blocks apart and thought we could wait until we retire in about 5 years to live together, because he is extremely allergic to my cats - meds don't help. But now we don't want to wait and are going to fix up his large garage for me and the cats to move into.

    Only he doesn't want to think about these decisions, and I can't make them. Getting a decorating buddy (design buddy in this case) is an idea I came up with too so glad to see someone else has it!

    I write a blog with a couple other librarians and just this week I started a series on books about organizing. One of my favorites is The Organizing Sourcebook by KatbyWaddill, partly because she says there's no perfectly organized, just good enough for how you live right now. I think that should be true of decorating, for many of us, too. I have read posts where people are obsessing about exactly the right shade of granite for the counter - but we are such a rest less culture,she's going to be freaking out over the right species of wood for butcher block in5 years. Can it really matter that much?

    Bronwynsmom, I am completely with you.

  • desertsteph
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    "just good enough for how you live right now.

    Can it really matter that much? "

    I agree. I lucked in to getting a handyman who also has good taste, logic - and handiness! I'm forever now asking 'what do you think J?'

    He isn't a professional floor guy and worried too much about putting down my vinyl planks. As I told him "'My eyesight isn't good enough to see that 1/8" off - besides I'm sure trim will cover it. Better Homes and Gardens IS NOT coming here to do a layout and IF anyone dares to see it, shame on them!"
    It sure doesn't bother me - or the dog.

    of course, then my ds came out for a few days and immediately picked up on an area out of alignment. I never would have noticed if he hadn't mentioned it. My perfectionist son... I just rolled my eyes.

    I'm just happy to have flooring DOWN at all!! It makes a world of difference. It's awesome, even if cheap vinyl planks. I had too many restrictions on what to use in here - budget, my feet, legs, back, allergies, a dog etc. Had to go with something low in cost, easy to clean, walk and stand on and that I wouldn't stress over nicks and scratches.

    It isn't like the world turns on what I have on my floors.

    I'm a lot less picky on looks of things now. It's not that important to me. Ease of use and cleaning comes first to me.

  • loribee
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    "Oh, and I don't have the problem when dispensing advice to others...."
    Ditto !!
    Keep us posted, Foxes. :)

  • runninginplace
    10 years ago
    last modified: 9 years ago

    Right there with everyone else--decorating is just part of my tendency to live in my own head, and to overthink EVERYTHING.

    I want to recommend a fantastic book about this very topic, The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less. Here's part of the Amazon blurb, tell me if it doesn't sound like you (well me and maybe a lot of you too!):

    "We assume that more choice means better options and greater satisfaction. But beware of excessive choice: choice overload can make you question the decisions you make before you even make them, it can set you up for unrealistically high expectations, and it can make you blame yourself for any and all failures. In the long run, this can lead to decision-making paralysis, anxiety, and perpetual stress. And, in a culture that tells us that there is no excuse for falling short of perfection when your options are limitless, too much choice can lead to clinical depression."

    Link to the Amazon page on the book is below, well worth reading in this world of information overload.

    And, as I've done projects over the past few years something that has been very freeing is to realize that most anything can be fixed/redone/modified. Watching my bathrooms, kitchen, windows etc. get yanked out and replaced has made it clear that really, there isn't anything that truly can't be changed if it really needs to be.

    Good luck from one whose home is still undone 24 years later :).

    Ann

    Here is a link that might be useful: Paradox of Choice