If you were blasting music at midnight or jumping rope at 2 am, your neighbor would have some cause for complaint. But normal activities of daily living? Nope.

It is very kind of you to change the times that you shower. That shows consideration and respect for your neighbor.

The toilet flushing--I do know some families where the noise made by the water flushing is enough to wake their kids up at night, so they follow the "If it's yellow let it mellow; if it's brown flush it down" rule after the kids go to bed. When I stay with them, I try to remember, but in the middle of the night when I'm half asleep, it's hard to remember not to flush, since it's such a routine motion.

Threatening you or your boyfriend is going beyond normal neighborly interaction. Good for you for notifying both the landlord and the police. Has the landlord given you any advice on how to deal with this person?

Don't start tiptoeing around. You should be able to live your life normally. If the neighbor makes contact with you again, contact your landlord. He/she needs to be aware that this person is threatening other tenants.

Yea seriously just the fact that you decided to not shower late or flush the toilet is more than considerate enough.

camlan mentions if you were blasting music or jumping rope at 2am, but hell, if you were blasting music or jumping rope at any time during the day it'd be grounds for a complaint (depending on your jurisdiction). I have an idiot neighbor who drums (mind you, we share a common wall), and I had to tell him not so nicely that that noise like that wasn't allowed in our city.

As it stands, you have every right to normal enjoyment of your home, which includes taking showers anytime you want and flushing toilets anytime you want. The noise it makes isn't your fault - it's the building's.

OMG, what are you supposed to do -- levitate over the furniture?? You're not jumping and pounding and playing loud music; you're just walking around normally. Sounds like that guy should be on a top floor if he is that sensitive about people walking over him. Not flushing is disgusting. I do not agree with your acquaintance who said that after a certain hour people do not flush. On what planet?!

Apartment life is sometimes very difficult. Everyday living noises are to be expected in an apartment, you can't not flush the toilet or take a shower....
Everyone has different schedules and so on, so you just have to be reasonable with the noise if it is after 10 pm, that is fair.....
Your neighbor sound like a royal pain in da arse......
and I agree with the above poster, I do not care what time it is, I am flushing my toilet. period and end of that. The last thing I want to see in the morning is, well, you know what......number 2......yucksville.

I donÂt see that you did anything wrong.

1. DonÂt have any more contact with this individual.
2. Keep a detailed log of what happened and when just in case you need to get the police or the landlord involved again.

I guess I'm strange because every day sounds of pipes and toilets and washers and dryers do not bother me one bit.I find the white noise to be sort of comforting,and it is a good thing because my walls are paper thin too! When the guy upstairs washes his clothes,it sounds like my washer is on and I have to check to make sure it is not sometimes.

I agree you shouldn't have to go tiptoeing around.Listen to the police,they know your neighbor can't complain for you using the bathroom!

Re noisy and inconsiderate. To answer your question, NO, you are not inconsiderate but whether you are "noisy" is really a subjective evaluation. As a landlord of an old building, I can tell you that the landlord is the one at fault here. He/she placed two normal young people, college students, above the apartment of a person who, apparently, keeps more conservative hours and is noise sensitive to boot! We put our young couples on the ground floor and everyone is happy. I don't like the way your neighbour has become the "meany" here. By all means criticise him for his rudeness but frankly, I would rather live in the apartment under him than under you! My advice to you, continue to do your best and be courteous. My advice to the complainer. Move! You can't win this one even though you have the right to the quiet enjoyment of your unit. Your landlord messed up! Try to get your name in for the next available unit on the top floor of the building or just leave.

Humewood makes a good point. The manager didn't use the best judgement in this situation and if there have been problems with this tenant before, then a young student couple may not have been the best people to put over this person. Does this mean I think you are being too loud? It seems from what you say that you aren't and that you are trying to be considerate. There is only so much you can do. Sometimes neighbors just won't mesh well. Managers will not always get it right when renting units - a prospective tenant mentions that he works an odd schedule that has them coming in at 3AM and the manager shows them a unit over an elderly tenant, for example. Some managers frankly could care less. I would pick my battle on this one and ask to be put on a list to move to another unit. If the guy is threatening you, just move on with your life. If he has done this before and the manager has not acted, I think you are in a losing situation.

My advise is to get yourselves a digital recorder and when he pounds on your door, hit record and record the entire conversation and if he threatens you or your boyfriend again, then call the police and you have the proof to back up what you are saying.

Well I am very shocked at what I am reading..because for just as many noisy neighbors in the world are neighbors that complain about everything and have caused anyone who has ever lived near them to move. My neighbors complain about me cleaning my carpets in the middle of the afternoon on a weekend, and if I am comforting my toddler and quieting him outside at 4pm my kids are in the bed at 8pm every night and wake at 7am every morning........i get complaints just walking up my own stairs in the middle of the day......I have been threatened and had to call the police and was even told by my complex that my neighbor below me is a serial complainer......so what happens when u r trying not to make noise but noisy happens you cannot expect people to exist and not make a sound r u serious....if you would like it pin drop quiet at times that are convenient for you well that's when you buy or rent a single family home...right? I don't think anyone should be making loud noises at crazy times of the night but cleaning carpets in the afternoon on a weekend...really i mean really

You agree that your building has no insulation. You admit being up till 2am but you say "you are not noisy". With all due respect you are on the top floor. Unless you are down in his apartment hearing what he hears you have no idea if its noisy or not. Whats normal living to you like walking, etc.. in a bad insulated building could sound like sheer torture for someone below you.

The fact that you admit that the building has bad insulation shows that you know the walls are thin thus there is the potential for noise more so if you are walking on poorly insulated floors above someones head. Therefore, there has to be some consideration given especially after a certain time and during sleeping hours. True the tenant was out of line in approaching you the way he did but it is obvious that there is some noise issues and he is not making this all up.

I'm not saying don't live your life and enjoy your apartment but there is an expected quiet time after a certain hour where people expect to have a measure of peace and quiet and 2am is well past that time limit. You may have late work hours but that is not your neighbors fault nor should he be forced to live with that. So while its true he might be a little overly sensitive you have to take into consideration that there is someone below you and curtail the noise after a certain hour. Otherwise I agree you are within your rights to live freely in your apartment.

I had downstairs neighbors that were ridiculously sensitive about noise too. Luckily I'd befriended them early which probably prevented some nastiness. I felt bad even when the floor would creak even though I am not a heavy walker. I was so glad when they moved out. So, I can sympathize! It seems like all you can do is continue to live your lives and if he crosses the line by threatening you, continue to report it. Walking, showering or using the bathroom in an apartment isn't illegal where threatening someone is. (At least to my knowledge it is.) Even though the police or the landlord may not do anything (or may not be able to) the more of a paper trail you make the better. I'd hope that at some point someone would see that paper trail and see the history of his behavior and do something about it. But I completely understand how uncomfortable this all must be for you! Some people have nothing in their lives to occupy their time so they have to nitpick at others.

I understand your dilemma. We are downstairs residents and got a complaint upstairs couldn't hear her tv for our noise. Loud music or tv. We do not even own a stereo or television. Makes me suspicious that the other resident may want to break their lease using us at their scape goat. It really did upset us. We live quietly and respect others as we would like to be respected.
Been there almost 5 yrs.. What bothers me is they told apt manager and we got a nasty letter on our door threatening eviction. No questions asked first. Manager said it is a form letter and not to get upset. I told him how can I not be upset with an eviction threat?! Curiously, our lease will be up in September and the apt manager was pressing us to sign a new lease well before the time it is necessary. I took the lease and asked when we needed to sign it and he said no rush. This is new management in the office now.

It is very frustrating. I called a legal service and he told me to respond to apt's letter with a letter and send it certified mail. That is just what I did.

Makes me feel unwelcome and harassed.

I agree 100% with what beentheredonethat said and the only solution I have ever found in such situations is to make sure I only rent a single level apartment. No one is above me and no one is below me.

I am generally reallly quiet. I have a light footfall, and I don't slam doors,cupboards etc. Yet when I complained about our neighbor having a very loud party in his driveway (right next to my husband's car & playing a game of toss behind someone elses car, grilling, the whole nine yards) rather than in the community area of the complex, he immediately started attacking me by accusing me in an obnoxious way (I had been polite when I asked them to tone it down & mentioned that is what the community area is for) starts saying I've been "stomping around, slamming things, and showering at 3:30am.

I informed him that I'm generally not even up at that time, nevermind taking a shower, and that I most certainly was not slamming things or stomping around. The way our floorplans are, it is entirely possible he is hearing someone else above him,but I haven't heard a thing.

Then just early this morning, I was up way too late.. till 4am. I went to the bathroom, flushed the toilet, and cleaned my cat's box before I went to bed. After I laid down.. all of a sudden I heard loud banging that was so loud I freaked for a second and jumped out of bed, startled. The banging again started, and it was so hard that it literally vibrated my feet! All for emptying my cat's box, and flushing a toilet?! These are NORMAL noises. I get it if he doesn't like a toilet flushing at 4am, but lets face it.. living in an apartment, as someone already mentioned, we are all on different schedules. Some people have to get ready for work really early in the morning. Are they not supposed to shower or flush just because someone else is a light sleeper?

This same person had absolutely no problem being so loud with his friends in the parking lot that I thought a riot was starting in our complex. It's usually so quiet around here (this is a new neighbor) that I literally jumped out of my chair in concern at first. Again.. we have a community area for grilling etc. This happened again the next weekend, and they apparently had little to no concern for sleeping babies, or neighbors on different shifts. I also had to put up with very loud sex.. which sounded the woman was dying. Pretty sure it was the same neighbors, because after I mentioned it, it only happened one other time.

I disagree with the "Keep the noise down after 10pm" thing -I mean, yet, keep the noise down then, but before that too. neighbors in apartment complexes should not be shouting, having loud noisy gatherings on their balconies (or wherever), and playing their music so loud that everyone else has to hear it. This same neighbor had a group of friends over, and they were playing music and talking loudly on their balcony (just beneath mine) so loud that I could hear them inside with my doors shut. ..it continued at least till 11:30PM.

IMO people need to be considerate of their neighbors at all hours, because again, we are all on different schedules. What about those who work really long hours or off shifts? So having loud get togethers on your balcony, or parties in the parking lot ,should not be happening in an apartment complex. Neighbors need to be considerate enough so that others can enjoy their own balconies, not have to be concerned about things being tossed about next to and behind their cars, and people with odd shifts should be able to get some sleep.


But flushing toilets, and normal walking, and cleaning cat boxes.. running dishwashers or washing machines.. ? Those are all normal, reasonable noises. I agree wholeheartedly with the police officers. Those who are overly sensitive to everyday noises need to use earplugs or rent a house instead of an apartment.

I own a condo on the second floor & I really wish I could have purchased a top floor (none for sale when I was buying).

My neighbors are wonderful but the plumbing noises are annoying (not their fault), baths/showers after midnight get annoying but they dont happen daily & toilets that are 20 years old take a long time to fill up and at 3am that sometimes wakes me up.

At times she does laundry after midnight, but since it does not happen daily I don't say anything.

The only items I do not have tolerance for is their dog barking non stop when they are gone, kids jumping over & over and any super loud noises after a certain time during the week since we go to bed earlier for work & school.

Other than that, it's apartment/condo life & it comes with struggles but never should you be threatened by a neighbor or feel you need to tip toe around your home, sorry you were dealing with that!

The floor can be fixed from upstairs. Maintenance, or you or someone you know, needs to nail down the joists. Purchasing more furniture also helps as does placing smaller tenants upstairs but that is probably grounds for discrimination.

A neighbor should most certainly be kind and respectful when approaching you or inquiring about noise. There is no excuse or tolerance with anger. However, Im of the mindset that people really should be quiet after 9pm. If you have a late lifestyle then try to keep it down and adjust accordingly. The majority of people have to get rest at night. Im disabled and have no choice for a first floor unit, otherwise Id be on the top floor. When I had a neighbor that worked long night shifts at the hospital and needed to sleep during the day, I was extremely courteous during that time so she could sleep. I coordinated my laundry or guests on days that I knew she was off. Its really only a matter of caring beyond ourselves. When we live like sardines we all have to make adjustments. Otherwise move into a house of your own. But I guarantee that even a next door neighbor might have issues with discourteousness. Its really just about being neighborly. Sleep time is very important..

We live on the top floor with our son. We are usually homebodies and are always at home. We never have anybody over except for my son's cousins for sleepovers and only happens several months in between they have one.

Our downstairs neighbor is a certified crazy lady. She came up to our door and in a loud voice accused me of trying to ruin her whole life. She said we were too noisy and we need to keep it down and she's been holding it in for months. I told her I was sorry she felt that way and I would work on it. I had a headache and I am not confrontational and a fight with this woman was not happening. The only thing that happened that was loud was my son falling over on his chair. Happened once that morning. She next came up and talked to my husband to complain about rolling noises she kept hearing. It was my son playing with a suitcase. She as pleasant to my husband and talked to him for twenty minutes. Talked about life and her kids. Also sneaked in that our toilet seat was loud and she could hear it downstairs. My husband said he had no idea and would try to remember. So we did. My son I cannot account for as he forgets all the time but he is reminded when I see or hear him in the bathroom. We have always been careful with our son making too much noise. He cannot run in hallways. No stomping or heavy footfalls, no screaming or yelling. No slamming of doors. No loud tv sounds. We even watch to make sure we put on our jeans carefully so our foot doesn't fall too loudly when it comes down.

Anyway, she came up a third time during the day to complain to me. Apparently, we were too loud again. Only thing I was doing was working on dough on our dining table to make into Christmas ornaments. I wasn't even slapping it onto the table. Just kneading it a lot. No, hey um you're making too much noise again. Immediate screaming, yelling, cursing, and accused me also of rearranging furniture all the time. She threatened to call the cops on me. I told her to go ahead and do it. Later on, when I headed out, I could hear her clearly talking to the downstairs neighbor that she didn't know where I came from and what language I spoke to which I interrupted and said I spoke English very well and understand a lot of the language. She probably realized I had heard her and made an excuse that she was referring to me being psycho and that's why she said I didn't know anything. Oh, I am Asian by the way, full on Asian, immigrant, moved here permanently because my husband lives here. He is white by the way. I don't understand how she can call me psycho when our only interaction was 10 minutes from the 1st time she complained.

She also talked to my husband pleasantly which surprised me and kinda made me a little mad that she was nice to him and not to me. I am home all the time, my husband works all day. So I honestly think she knows who she is going to talk to at certain times of the day. Daytime me, nighttime and weekends potentially my husband. We've lived in the same apartment for almost four years now. And while it might not be fun to be downstairs, her being so confrontational and being choosy with who to be that way with, has been no laugh trip either. We are being accommodating to her situation and we do not have any quarrels with other neighbors. If she can be nicer with her requests, with me not just my husband, then we would be more than happy to be more accommodating.

As a late-night person myself, I'm a bit put off that some people think they are entitled to such silence after 9 pm just because what? They are the status-quo? Plenty of good people work at night. Daytime people don't get more rights just because they have a 9-5 job and get to have everyone else walk on eggshells around their self-righteous, self-important selves.

The thing with comments on message boards is that, it is not known what some may actually be experiencing without spending time in THEIR apartment. It can be subjective and there is a fine line as to what may be a considered bothersome, all complainers being automatically thought of as overreacting or over-sensitive to any sounds. I don’t believe anyone expects “total silence” or freaks out at the drop of a pin, but this is how requesting something be less noisy can be perceived. There do exist “quiet hours”, not that this is always considered by everyone.

It comes down to personality and how one raised to behave, where one person arriving late is conscious and considerate of others close by in shared housing, another comes barreling in, playing amplified TV volume or BASS noise to be overheard, banging around in kitchen sink, running disposal and dishwasher, slamming windows with force between midnight and 4:00 a.m. (The same person expecting to not be awoken while THEY sleep until after noon).

Some unfortunately walk very hard, enough for it to create a dull thud and reverberation. This is not always “about construction”, which is assumed, but sadly is about one used to striking with their heel, add to that if racing around for hours can drive another below them nuts as they are peacefully reading, quietly listening to their own TV or music. Excessive noise is bad enough any time of day, but hearing after hours is painful. Simply hearing plumbing or normal walking is not an issue, but it is the entitled personality behind excessive, unnecessary actions and behavior that is a problem, the same one saying they are “just living their life”.

I lived for many years in a tiny studio apartment, in a tenement building where all of the apartments had the same layout. I was well aware that everyone was sleeping just a few feet from their bathroom. On top of that, we had noisy Flushometer toilets. From the moment I moved in, I made it a point not to flush the toilet in the middle of the night. It was actually a well-built building and I never heard my neighbors. But it just seemed to be the right thing to do. I put the lid down when the toilet was used and flushed it first thing in the morning, before even raising the lid. It benefitted me as well, since there was no jarring noise to wake me, and I'd slip back to sleep easier.

Yeah but what time do you wake up if you go to bed at 2am? You sleep in dont you. So why don’t you just go to bed by 11pm and wake up at 6am like normal people Yes you are inconsiderate

If you live in the ground floor, you have to expect noise. If you can not live with that, perhaps you should move out. Top floor people, I invite you to live normal, but consider your neighbour as much as you can. Shower, toilet flush, sleep late are all your rights. If you put up with neighbour unreasonable demand, then he or she might aske you to stop breathing.

Well, my inconsiderate neighbor above me still has altered his schedule only recently, which I have found to be beneficial for me, since he now leaves during the wee hours and returns 12 hours later in the afternoon, going to bed in early evening. This has allowed me to begin experiencing some relaxation and going to bed earlier. I don’t know if this routine will remain, since I have seen it change before, only to return to his entering near midnight and staying up half the night, being quite disruptive. Now, if one has an odd schedule, but is conscious of their actions and being respectful, that’s one thing, but I believe most in shared housing wouldn’t want to have to hear what I have described happening previously. It’s been seemingly quieter when he leaves in the middle of the night, but last night, having heard a loud THUD upon my ceiling, then again, shaking me out of bed. Also, when he has a day off, it can be loud the whole time, yet I get the impression that the manager may have said something, again, since not hearing booming, pounding amplified sounds). I hope it will remain quieter, since it has helped me to feel calmer.